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| | | From: Thabita (Original Message) | Sent: 8/26/2005 9:36 PM |
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids...."
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The Things That Drive A Sane Person Mad
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.
A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
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Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
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There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.
When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"
To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, I have to keep half of them in the air all the time!"
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On the wall of a Baltimore Estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law - Sisters of Mercy."
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Don't learn safety rules by accident |
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