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~ The thing that I least like about my job... To have come to love someone then have them leave. The faithful friends that they become, the confidante of your heart and of theirs.. Then they go and leave you, they die.. This is the shit I hate in life.. The loss of the ones I come to love... Client/friend I go to do my appt, to find out that she is at Hospice house. I call to see if maybe I can talk to her, or maybe go see her. Then I realize I cant do that because Ill have a public display of my emotions in front of her family, who I dont know that well. I just wont and cant do it. Now am I crying for her, or am I crying for myself.. Maybe its both... |
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I so hear ya ella. Its happened to me, so many times, just since being here, that I have lost count. Whether its my dog clients or their people, its still a huge loss that I feel. I had one client friend that passed last year. We were close, and I would stop by to see her just to see her. She got brain cancer, and was gone in two weeks. She gave her dog to the shelter, and checked out. I got to say good-bye, but, she was mentally gone already. Its a hard thing that we do, getting close to those few special ones, but the old cliche comes to mind, "Id rather love and loose, then never to have loved at all". Ive never been one to miss the dance. Big hug ella, it so hurts! But, youre a better person, as they are, because of it. mw |
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~Ive noticed about myself that when it comes to the funerals or like today to go say goodbye.. I want to go, but in the end I dont go. I dont want others to see my pain. Cause I cant hide it. I really dont like that about myself cause its a weakness of sorts. Something I tend to run from. Last funeral I went to was my step dads.. I wasnt gonna go, but did. When I felt like I was gonna fall apart, I got up and went outside.... |
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I envy those that can feel what they feel, and show it! Its a real strength to be able to do that. So frigging what if you show your tears? They'll know she meant as much to you, as she did to them. You can never go back, and decide to go ever again. I say go, feel, get closure, and meet the family. Let them know, what she meant to you! mw |
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| | | From: PeeJay | Sent: 11/5/2008 11:25 PM |
sorry you're feeling a loss there Ella. Naturally, you'd become attached to those you share your life with. Honor her memory and say goodbye however you feel most comforted... it's not always traditional. I think there's no shame to showing your genuine grief by crying about losing someone you care about. It's an emotional release that will leave you feeling exhaused, but often those same tears wash away the pain a bit. |
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The tears we don't cry at the "right" moment then come back to haunt us. We need to set our emotions free or something will die inside us. Women are usually more capable of doing this, and that's probably why they live longer. It's always very difficult to witness a person dying. But don't think it's weakness to feel, like Mw said, it's strength. What kind of job do you do? |
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Gawd, I feel the same way when one of my kid clients has gone.. I feel such a void when a dog, deer, horse has moved on, always fearing the worst for the non domestic kids.. we have lost so many deer at the Kranch..it's the not knowing what became of them that bugs me the most.. The horses and dogs/cats are a gimme when old age sets in and knowing that their time with you is limited.. it's the wild ones that have given you their trust, that are there one day and then gone for years... having to take part in the "put down" of those too injured for any hope of recovery... taking their bodies out to the wildernees to give back to nature.. O yeah, I cry everytime... HMoonie |
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yes, very wise words by everyone here! mw |
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~ Simply, I do hair and nails in peoples homes. Ive been doing this ladys nails for 4 maybe 5 yrs.. She was in her 90's, a very hip golf pro in her time.... She had a good heart, very sensitive and caring, made you feel special. She cared was the bottom line. I might go see her tomorrow if shes still here, then again maybe not.... Even if I dont see her, as long as the nurse told her I loved her is all thats important really..... it doesnt have to come out of my mouth as long as she heard it.... I figure shes scared.. on her way out.... whats waiting out there for her...... Id say that husband she missed so much..... |
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| | | From: STAR | Sent: 11/6/2008 12:08 PM |
Sorry for your grief, (((Ella))) I guess it's best to just give in to it & let it roll right over you. The unknown is terrifying... the inability to not face the unknown, to have one's nose rubbed in it... totally sucks... since there's no escaping facing it... only 'straight up the middle' applies. So! I like to think that death may be as much a miracle as birth. Being born is damned traumatic too, to the inexperienced infant who hasn't a clue what's rocking it's world. |
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I totally agree w the birth/death analogy, star. How could it not be? mw |
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~ Good point Star.... Moonie~ those pictures you have on other link of some of your animals are adorable. We do feel loss when we lose something we hold close to our heart a person or an animal.... just restating the obvious I guess. Thanks guys for all your thoughts and stuff. I feel better today, like I have my emotions back in tact and ready to face the world so to speak. |
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First off I'm really sorry for you loss and 2nd, I'm just like you when it comes to death/funerals. I tell myself repeatedly, " You gotta go Lynn. YOu gotta show your respect", bu then at the last minute I make up every damn excuse in the book not to go because I'm a big baller myself. I've missed my grandfather's funeral as well as my aunt Patsy's in the past 6yrs and I'm almost ashamed to see my dad's side of the family because I've missed them both. I just could not do it! I grieved alone and I did like Peejay said and said my goodbyes the best way I know how to... prayer. It's really ok to cry, but I feel like you in the way, I don't want ppl think I'm putting on because I never really went to visit them in the last year's of their lives and now here I go to the funeral and ball like a baby. Didn't want anyone to think I'm faking it. Funerals are way too much for me. Please don't be so hard on yourself because at least you spent a lot of time w/her whereas I distanced myself like I said the last few yrs of their lives and felt almost guilty about now going to see them in death. |
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