NOT FOR the WEAK at HEARTor BLEEDING HEARTS!

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Chemy referred to herself as empathic...I had never heard a word for it, but that's been a burden I've had forever...I do consider it a burden, right along with dreams that come true, because they cause me so much anguish sometimes! I do love being able to understand others so well...but to feel all the negativity so strongly, that's another story.

That's actually part of my problem lately...despite the mostly positive people around me, I absorb others' negativity so strongly, I'm not able to pull back...that's why I had to quit at ACS, it was tearing me up in really crazy ways. I'd love it if the only emotions I had to deal with feeling were my own...but then, I wouldn't be my mom's daughter or my gramma's granddaughter.

It's officially a part of my medical records...I'm not to EVER be prescribed muscle relaxers...I've had them prescribed twice in my life, I've been in the hospital with a muscle relaxer OD twice in my life...the doc found it interesting, knowing how well I know my medications, that I didn't take my bottle of lithium...he said that's what told him I didn't really want to end it, I picked something I could be saved from...the lithium, if I took all of those, would wipe me out before they could fix me. But doing that hadn't even crossed my mind. I've never taken too many pain pills or anything else...just muscle relaxers. Weird.

I can't get anything for depression...usually reacts not so great with the lithium...no big deal there, even stressing now about money is less stress than my old job. But the heavy rain coming so early this year is really messing with my head, so I'm looking for things to turn my mood around. I gotta do something...can't give up. Nope.

I feel so much of other's ppl problems/pains that after I had the termination of my 2nd pregnancy, due to all my craziness, that for one week afterwards I distanced myself from WendiLoo, my bestfriend. At the time she was going thru all the heartache of finding out her 19yr old daughter was prostituting, I just couldn't deal w/seein her depressed and crying a lot. I started feeling bad all over again and because she couldn't do what everyone was telling her to do and let go and let Gloria learn on her own, after numerous attempts to save her, it really pissed me off and I would get real shitty w/Wendy as well as Gloria. I felt very bad for doing this, but I needed to get myself back on track and this way causing me way too much heartache. Now, I'm back up and running and am able to cope w/her problems and I'm there for her now more than ever, but just like you Tig, it was playing on my emotions and just too much at the time for me to handle. You're not alone when it comes to being this way and this is why I know what you go thru.

Have you tried St Johns Wort Tigger?

I tried it before I got put back on lithium...I've been told to not take it now because of possible interaction problems...it didn't help much before anyway, but I had heard great things about it. I'd always rather try natural things before prescription meds...I hate pills, being controlled by them.

My parents keep insisting that I try the "natural" way, but I just don't know if my body will be able to function w/out the meds I've been using at this point. Or if my mind will tell me this. Plus, the meds I do recv are free and keeping up w/St. Johns and the likes, if I'll always be able to afford these things, or at least right now I surely can't.

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