oh what a terrible thing for your sister to have to see ((((hugs))))) she is lucky to have you to support her thru this. xxxx

I was thinking bout ths over night.

Karen, has witnessed, seen, its etched on her minds eye, a most horrific sight.

One that not one of us would want to have in our memory banks.

She needs to be given the most gentle of love, care and support.

 

Specially at those quiet times at night

I spoke to my brother (her husband) last night.  He is worried, but said she spent yesterday down at the funeral home dressing the body.  So I think she is dealing with at least some of it.

 

I told him about the suicide survivors rights and that I had send it via email to mum so he said he would go up and print it off.  They took their housebus up to Scott's place and are staying there with him.  I didn't speak to Karen because she was in with Scott and things were messy, but Ian and I had a long talk.

 

The funeral is tomorrow and he's thinking of coming down after that.  They are definately coming down in the housebus in January, but a short trip away might be on the cards now too.  He's waivering about getting their house finished, or just "fucking off" for a week or so.

 

I voted for the fucking off for a week.  It isn't going to make that much difference to the house.

Probably the best thing they could do ..

Karey that Bill of Rights came from a book by Iris Bolton "My Son, My Son".

 

Although it is written about the loss of her son, it is suitable for anyone dealing with the aftermath.  It is by far the best resource for survivors I have seen (and believe me I have read a lot of books on the topic).

 

There are a number of appendix's at the back of the book with heaps of great info.  I had to get my copy from overseas but you may well get it these days in the library and a google has taken me to Paper Plus.

 

 

More info on Amazon

 

 

When you see your SIL please give her a big hug from me

I just read this, how is your sister in law doing?

 

I had a friend that killed himself 3 years ago last November, his wife found him and she still cannot get the image out of her head.  He left behind a son (then 2 years old) and his wife and there was no apparent reason for his suicide and she is still at a loss to know why or what might have happened that day to make him do it... he was watching a DVD (he didn't go to work) then he paused it, got up and hung himself.

 

She found it really hard to deal with, and said that the best thing she did was to go to a grief counsellor - someone whom she felt free to say anything too, because they didn't know him, or her or the situation - so when she needed to blame him, she could without fear of judgement. 

She admitted that if she didn't have a son (ie a reason to live) she couldn't have carried on.

3 years later, she is able to be enjoy life without feeling guilty, and has been able to go on a couple of dates - but she felt guilty telling us because she felt that we would be loyal to her dead husband.  We have since convinced her that while we loved him, we love her too and we want her to be happy - so we are glad that she is able to find joy in life again.

 

Karen and Ian are down here.  They stayed last night and today started a month long tour of the South Island. 

 

Karen and I had a really good talk and she told me everything that happened from the first phone call on.   She says that for the first 2 weeks she considers that she was completely and certifiably insane.  The shock was so severe she just shut down and couldn't/didn't deal with anyone.  Then she told me about the nightmares.  She had a short course of sleeping pills, and this holiday will do her the world of good.   There just aren't enough people in the South Island to crowd her and they are going to explore at their leisure and their own timetable. 

 

She's lost a huge amount of weight but she is feeling better just being away. 

 

Wendy's daughter is down here for the GG jamboree.  I went and saw her yesterday as she got dehydraded and was in the hospital tent.  She is doing alright, just needs reassurance that she is OK and that people are where they should be at any given time.  She has our contact number as we are the closest family she knows down here (she knows the kids from their holidays up there and while she doesn't remember me, she is comfortable with me because she likes Jordyn and Lauren.)  It's not that she wants to run away from the jamboree, just she needs to know she has support if she needs it.

 

I taught her the sign language sign for dickhead because the doctor was pissing her off and she couldn't say anything to any of the nurses about it and felt powerless.  That made her giggle and gave her a tool to use when he pisses her off.  

 

As for the GG's themselves she won't be rejoining when she goes home.  The treatment of her by the other GG's and the leaders reactions has been appalling.   Karen's niece poured glue over one girls (head to toe) for what she was saying to Ashleigh and she got banned - until a couple of mothers got stuck in and shook everyone up.  But Ash doesn't want to go back and so she won't. 

 

She's a gorgeous girl.

I get soo pissed off at the goings on of young girls. dont they just need their heads bashed, some of them anyway.  I dont know how many times Ive had to go down the path of encouraging a young girl to understand the machinations of them.  and how tomorrow they will all be friends again, if theres more than 2 theres trouble

 

Damn the damage thats done when there is a suicide huh?

 

Karey, you know this, but Im gonna tell u anyway.  The best thing youve done and are still doing is being there for her and listening.  You have recognised you dont have to say anything, just to be an ear, somewhere thats safe to telll all the horrible stuff to, where she knows its not going to go any further.

 

You have learnt a lot through this, so the warning signs will always be flashing for you, watch her with care. 

My cousin's 19 year old son committed suicide yesterday.  He is an identical twin. 

 

Mr B is in hospital with kidney stones so I'm by myself and he's not here to give me a big hug and with him out of action, I'm unable to head over to the tangi. 

 

 

Please accept this humble hug from me

Thanks Macca . 

 

The funeral was today and mum rang me before to let me know it went well.  Of course he was quite popular so mum was amazed the number of young people who turned up for the funeral.

 

Of course Mr B is still in hospital.  They are talking of transferring him to Palmy on Friday if the stone hasn't come out by then.

 

Macca, I'd come and see you if we end up down that way, but I wouldn't want to inflict my three children on you guys.

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousins boy Beaker.  I hope his parents and siblings gain a great deal of strength from the friends at his funeral. 

 

Hugs to you and yours.

 

And tell Mr B I have some industrial size pliers that'll get that stone right out.  No probs. 

Mrs B sorry I haven't replied, my internet connection and computer have been playing up.

Whats happening with Mr B?

Bloody hell Karey! Beaker better tell him you're in Chch before he runs a mile to get away from you and your pliers.