Yep .. these are the same ones who are delivering our underage girls to abortion clinics without arental consent!

Man if this doesnt post I give up.  Ive done this twice and my posts just disappear at the moment.

Welly, if she wants to go to Germany with the school next year why cant she work towards it herself?  Part time jobs and holiday work, raffles, collecting ali cans and other scrap for cash.  Help her out with ideas and suddenly she may get a boost instead of dwelling on her problems she can work to solve them.  The parents and kids at the school up here fundraise together for school trips etc.  Working together nutting out ideas with the rest of the family would be good too.  All worth a try and she gets self esteem and motivation too.  At least shes doing something positive for herself

 

Good idea.

Heather spent a whole day during the school holidays cooking on a sausage sizzle to raise some funds towards the cost of her going to Fonomarae (Girl's Brigade equivalent to a jamboree) in Christchurch next January. It was organised by a couple of the leaders who are going but nearly all the girls going (most are from one company, Heather is the only one going from 1st North Shore) were helping.

This young girl sure knows how to play people.  I would be very wary of her for a while yet.  I honestly don't want to sound mean but she will say what she can to get a byte or to make people feel sorry for her.

She should be an actor she would do well.

She would not be going anywhere until her behaver improved and that meant no swearing and also doing her jobs around the house.

And I agree with heather and sweet.  If she wants to go overseas then she needs to get off her ass and get a job to save for it.

 

I again am sorry if I sound mean here but after the years of reading about this girl nothing has changed and I don't really trust her at all.  She is very clever.

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but I feel really strongly about it. You can't trust your daughter to do the right thing at home, but you are considering sending her to the other side of the world with people who don't know her or her problems??

 

The first time Tim went to Thailand I shat myself most of the time he was there and I trust him implicitly(sp). Yes he was a teen - that was part of it - but I had no idea how he'd react in certain circumstances. The ONLY reason he was able to go was because I knew I could trust Dion and Miriam with his life - and yes, it could have come to that!

 

To be completely honest - if we'd had ANY doubts about his behaviour, he would have stayed home (even though he fundraised most of the money himself) because there is no way I'd ask someone else to take responsibility for a child that couldn't/wouldn't take any responsibility for themself.

To answer a few points:

 

The school counsellor based her diagnosis on what Ashton had been saying and the tone she was using (down, depressive, teary tone).  However, the psychotherapists at CAFS did not agree with the school counsellors diagnosis of extremely depressed and suicidal.  CAFS have diagnosed her as midly depressed, not suicidal and think that St Johns Wort would be a good thing to try to see if that helps lift the mood before considering being put on prescribed anti-depressants.  One of Ashton's problems has been getting to sleep because she says that she sees herself as dead, in a coffin in the ground but trying to claw her way up and out.   School counsellor says that this is a sign of suicidal thoughts, however my gut instinct says that she has had her grandmothers funeral of last year ingrained on her mind....as she went to the viewing of the body, to the full requiem mass at the cathedral, then to the burial, and threw a red rose into the grave.  With her sensitive nature, in hindsight it may not have been good to take her to the viewing, etc.

 

Yesterday, we had no problems getting her to go to school, same with this morning.  She has a good support network of friends who try to keep her spirits up.

 

She will not be going to Germany.  As far as we are concerned, regardless of finances we think that our kids can travel overseas once they are independent financially of us and older when they can do their own things.  This will probably sound selfish, but Patrick and I have decided that we will be saving up for him and me to go away for 10 days to Melbourne and Hobart in 2 years time so that we can have a much needed holiday to ourselves.

 

We have another meeting with CAFS family therapists next monday without Ashton so we will see what comes out of that.

 

And, even better news is that Tyler has got a full time job, started yesterday working at the big red shed....so he is pleased that he will be earning his own money and I am pleased to have the house back to myself.  We have told him that we will start charging him board from next February so that he can spend the next few months getting savings behind him.

 

As for myself, I am in a better frame of mind, certainly less stressed....probably by trying hard to not let what has been happening drag me down emotionally.

He should be paying board right away no matter what, even if it is a small amount.  He needs to know that money does not grow on trees and that you should not once he is working full time pay for all his house hold needs. 

 

As for your daughter, you are still making excusses for her.  I can see you posting another help post in a few months.  She has you wrapped around her finger and that will not change either.

 

have you started her on this?

Now don't forget there is a big difference between the Social Workers in Schools - who as you pointed out Lovelee have quals... and your run of the mill do-gooder counsellor.  If they are an actual social worker - they are overstepping their bounds in trying to diagnose a client.  That is dangerous and unethical.

 

Wgtn - a trip away is not selfish.  What you two have been though health and otherwise - you bloody deserve an overseas holiday.  And I couldn't think of two more beautiful places than Melbourne and Hobart.  If you decide to take the overnight ferry from Melbourne to Devonport - advice, splash out on a cabin with a window!

Welly might sound odd but is she on the pill?  I had to go on the pill early for my periods and man, one particular pill gave me really bad side effects. I was a really happy kid and just started crying and being really emotional over nothing, I knew I was being a dick and mum took me in and we got a pill change that helped but it is worth thinking about, sometimes the school nurse can put them on it without parental knowledge. Hormones are bad enough at that time let alone mixing synthetic ones in.  Also really quite serious about this start noting the moon phase when she is worse.  Full and new moon phases really do make a difference.  Sounds silly but its true, and new moon can be as bad as full.  Just random thoughts.

If I could not anyone been on the pill at that age I would.

I was and it really stuffed me up.  I could not get pregnent when I went of it because I was on it for so long.  My periods where all over the place and before my histoerectomy(sp) I bleed non-stop for 12 months.

 

I agree Heather, the pill can have that effect on some women. My sister can't take it for that reason. She quickly became clinically depressed on it. Off it she cheered back up fairly quickly - and got pregnant somewhat sooner than she and her new husband were planning on.

 

However sometimes just being a teenager is depressing - flippen hormones.

Update time.

 

Tyler is thoroughly enjoying his job and is looking forward to his first pay packet next week.  So he seems sorted at the mo.

 

Ashton has been taking St Johns Wort for 4 weeks now and I don't know if it is conincidence or the Wort but she has certainly settled down considerably.  She is feeling happier, we have had no explosions and she is actually helping us out with complaining.  Seems to also have better concentration and sitting down to do her homework.  She has told us that she accepts our decision about her not going to Germany.  The family therapy is going ok....Patrick and I are learning to let the little things slide over us and to try not to get tense and stressed each day.  Ashton is slowly learning techniques to help her deal with anger and depression, and understanding that Patrick and I have the responsibility to keep her safe and happy therefore meaning that we do have the right to set boundaries.

 

It certainly has been peaceful for the last couple of weeks.

 

One thing I am conerned about is that Ashton has her heart set on training to be a nurse when she leaves school and I wonder if all these issues she has been going through is going to have a negative result on any profile she needs to go through before being accepted for training.  Anybody know if this is likely to happen?

Wellie .. Id like to see you keep a diary about her .. it would have been good if you started it a couple of years ago .. but it might give you a better idea if it is teen hormones.  It certainly sounds like it in that the ST Johns wort has helped her.  KEEP IT UP TO HER!!

 

I suppose its up to her if this affects her profile.  One thing you can probably be sure of shes a totally normal teenage girl, who is having trouble coping with the hormone flooding.  However, whats not accepted is letting this take us over to the point where we make others around us annoyed and tippy-toey

How's it going Welly?  I hope it's all good.