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| | From:  the_slew (Original Message) | Sent: 7/4/2008 12:13 AM |
Today, I am no longer a woman who sits at her desk wondering if she bought the right toilet bowl cleaner. Today, I am a wild, ravishing temptress of a woman. I am saucy, seduction love puppy. I am a goddess. I am Eve. I am the proud owner of my very first thong.
I've always wanted a thong.
To some women, this is akin to saying that "I've always wanted to have my eyebrows removed with gardening sheers." But hear me out. I have excellent reasons for wanting a thong.
Firstly, those unsightly things known as panty lines. They are very bad. Although, now that I ponder, in an age when celebrities are caught on camera seriously underdressed, it might be wise to let people know that you are indeed wearing underwear.
Secondly, if our fashion choices say something about us, my current underwear is screaming "hasn't seen a lingerie shop since 1998 and hasn't gotten any since 2004"
Finally, I am assured that the thong will make my bottom look fabulous without having to resort to unreasonable measures such as avoiding ice lattes and joining a gym. The saleswoman insists that the thong will make my butt look like Halle Berry's. I buy eight.
7am DOT (day of the thong): Insert thong (and it really is an insertion, ladies). Check out rear end in mirror. Stangely, my read end does not look like Halle Berry's. Must be bad lighting. Proceed to work with a smile, knowing that I am now uber sexy.
9:30am: At work. Wondering why no one has commented on sexy new me. One person, however, asks me why I am continuously wincing. Am I sore?
11am: Starting to wonder if saleswoman directed me to the right size. Hard to feel sexy and saucy while wondering if thong will have to be surgically removed from backside by lunchtime.
1pm: Absolutely convinced that saleswoman was absent or seriously drunk during training of how to size a thong. Maybe both. Coworker shares that she calls thongs thongs "fanny gnats" - they're annoying and they are everywhere. Anoth brilliant coworker snorts and asks me why I want to wear "butt floss". Am saddened. And in pain.
3:30pm: Thong has migrated from previously uncomfortable position into worse position, if that's possible. Call Thong Wearing Friend (TWF) for advice
TWF: It takes a while to find what's right for your body type.
Me: How long did it take you?
TWF: So far, about siz years. I'm pretty darn close though now. Or my ass has gone numb.
5pm: Head home attemping not to walk as if there is a thong stuck up my backside. Which there really is.
7pm: Prepare to discard thong in garbage. I am not a wild, seductress woman. I am a woman destined to live in joe boxers and shorts. Partner walked in and says "Wow. That makes your butt look like Halle Berry's." Don't care if it's a lie. I am sexy. I buy three more thongs. __________________
In my opinion, a horse is the animal to have. 1300 pounds of raw muscle, power, grace, and sweat between your legs - it's something you just can't get from a pet hamster. |
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| | | From: kathyh3 | Sent: 7/4/2008 10:52 PM |
Nothing worse than a big butt lunch lady bending over to pick up a box or something. I've seen it all, and it wasn't very pleasant. I'll stick to my granny panties.  |
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That's a bad visual there, kathy! |
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Whoa, Tarzanarozanadana! Too much information. |
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Very funny, slew!!! After my 30th birthday I was feeling a little unsexy and bought a couple thongs, they weren't bad, but I felt naked, like people could see my butt cheeks. Kathy, granny panties rock!! And they do have the updated kind with the high leg!!  |
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I was looking for the Meerkats in OuterSpace and ran across this.....hahahaha! Just do not wear panties or thongs. |
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Yo Soooo, eh, millie, you go Commando, do ya? One has to ask ...what is underwear for? An extra layer in winter keeps you warm... But what about Spring, Summer and early Fall? Pronker --> pondering the mysteries of underwear |
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My mother always said it was indecent to go out without underwear. Does underwear slow down a rapist? Or discourage a voyeur if you get hit by a car? Hmmm all these imponderables ...... |
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LOL!!!! I have granny panites in my dresser no thongs though...I spent many of years pulling my stuff out of my crack  well you all know the rest....so why would I subject myself and put a string in my ahem... I would rather go Commando teehee. Who invented panties anyway???? Underware is not thick enough to keep one warm unless if you wear long johns....What about bras??? HATE EM!!!! |
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Why do moms worry about clean underwear? If I was in such a bad state that required medical treatment then my underwear would be the least of my problems..... |
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Underwear provides a layer of comfort and protection between those sensitive areas and clothing. If I don't get my nice clothes dirty and want to wear them again without dry cleaning first, I feel confident in the fact that they haven't touched my butt directly. And underwear can act as security...say you are tall and clumsy and unstable on heels, but wear them anyway because the people on tv say heels make your legs look better and as you come down the stairs in the church foyer, you crill your ankle and fall down the carpeted stairs; it is much better for the Sunday school kids to see your panties as you lay splayed and in pain than to see your goodies all out there on the church floor. |
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Wow, that was HOT. Now how am I suppose to sleep tonight?!?!?!? |
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