Hmmmm.  This is a new twist.     OK, let's see --- the most evil deeds..... 

 

OK,  CR and Mad Max have tricked Lulu into bringing a rotary cutter from her mommy's quilting room through the tunnel to Tornado's house. (They told Lulu it was to make a special surprise for some new Quirkies - she is a very sweet dog, but a tad naive.)  

 

Next CR and Mad Max apply the rotary cutter to Tornados' size 8 jeans.  Up  and down the cutter goes, leaving behind a pile of jean ribbons.  

 

CR: "Max, you see this pile of ribbons?  Now Tornado will never be able to fit in them, no matter how much weight she looses...  Braaahaaahaaa!"  

 

Mad Max: "Oh my angel of darkness, that is truly evil! Now she will have to stop making everyone eat salads. By the way, have you seen my sidekick tights?  They were next to those former jeans?"   

 

CR: "Your tights?   No, I don't recall seeing them. You'd better keep looking."

 

Mad Max paws through the pile of blue ribbons - wait -what does he see?  A strip of black, and some red glitter.  Can it be?  Could it be?  Would she have?  With a howl of anguish, he falls on the strip, rolling over and over.   

 

Mad Max: ""Boo hoo hoo. My bootiful tights!     How could you???? "

 

CR:  "Ooops.  They must have gotten too close to the stoopad jeans (suppresses a snicker).  Get over it.    Now go down to the kitchen and fetch me a strengthening snack."

 

Mad Max wipes his eyes with the scrap of his tights, and turns sadly away, to do her bidding. 

 

Bugsy LaRue cannot imagine in her wildest imaginings what CR and Mad Max are doing next door at the overly religious neighbor's house. She watches in horror as CR drops a white envelope out of her mouth at Mad Max's feet and orders him to slide it under the door. She hunkers down as she watches CR and Mad Max sneak back home, snickering evilishly all the while........Inside the home, the overly religious neighbors find the envelope on their floor and open it. They comment to each other how nice it is of TW and her DM to invite them over for dinner tonight. They go off happily to get ready and wonder which tract to take with them as a hostess gift!

Fade to Tornado/slew’s kitchen.

 <o:p></o:p>

TW:  I’ve been so good, eating all these salads, I think I’ll make some brownies for the DM to show I love him and salads are not the only food we eat.

 <o:p></o:p>

CR (on the phone to MM):  I need you, bring pssst to me immediately, use the tunnel

 <o:p></o:p>

MM:  Yes mistress, I must obey!  But what are you�??

 <o:p></o:p>

CR:  Never you mind, just do it!

 <o:p></o:p>

Cut back to Slew’s kitchen

 <o:p></o:p>

TW:  Dadadadasnapsnap, dadadadasnapsnap, boy that sure is catchy when you have had a nice relaxing day off.

 <o:p></o:p>

I will use real baking chocolate for this batch, they are yummier that way!

 <o:p></o:p>

CR: [great Max, just in time with the ExLax.  That’ll teach her to lounge around watching Nancy Grace when I want to be waited upon!]

 <o:p></o:p>

MM:  I had trouble getting here, I kept tripping over my tights, they now resemble a grass skirt, but I haven’t found a new pair, mistress.

 <o:p></o:p>

An hour later�?/P>

 <o:p></o:p>

TW:  Boy, these brownies smell so good and the DM isn’t home yet.  I’ll just have one�?Two won’t hurt.  They go so well with red wine.

 <o:p></o:p>

DM:  TW, why is there a brownie pan with crumbs in it in the sink?

 <o:p></o:p>

TW:  Oh, um, I made some for the neighbors for their churchy bake sale.  I thought they would not catch me in compromising positions if I bribed them. (ut ohs, I hope he doesn’t realize I ate them all)

 <o:p></o:p>

I don’t think we need to tell more of this story, let’s just say that TW ran a whole lot more at work the next day.

CAT RULES by Mad Max and Commando Reggie:

BATHROOMS:

 Always accompany guests to the bathroom.

 It is not necessary to do anything.

 Just sit and stare.

 

 DOORS:

 Do not allow any closed doors in any room.

 To get door open, stand on hind legs and

 hammer with forepaws.

 

 Once door is opened, it is not necessary

 to use it.  After you have ordered

 an "outside" door opened, stand halfway

 in and out and think about several things.

 This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS:

 If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.

 If you cannot manage in time, get to an

 Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug,

 shag is good.

 When throwing up on the carpet,

 make sure you back up so it is as long

 as a hoomans bare foot.

 HAMPERING:

 If one of your hoomans is engaged in

 some activity and the other is idle,

 stay with the busy one.

 This is called "helping,"

 otherwise known as "hampering."

 Following are the rules for "hampering:"

 1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being  stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

 2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,unless you can lie across the book itself.

 3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least.

 Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) When a hooman is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Hoomans love to jump.

 5) When hooman is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in hooman's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

 

 WALKING:

 As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the hooman, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

 

BEDTIME:

Always sleep on the hooman at night so he/she cannot move around.

 

 LITTER BOX:

 When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Hoomans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

 

 HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the hoomans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.

 

This will cause the hoomans to panic (which they love) thinking that you

 have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the hoomans will

 cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.

 ONE LAST THOUGHT:

 Whenever possible, get close to a hooman, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them.

 

 Hoomans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests

 

These rules were made with love no hoomans were hurt when testing these rules... Krazy

Witty, when are you going to put up a story?   Don't you want to win the meerkat cereal?