CAT RULES by Mad Max and Commando Reggie:

BATHROOMS:

 Always accompany guests to the bathroom.

 It is not necessary to do anything.

 Just sit and stare.

 

 DOORS:

 Do not allow any closed doors in any room.

 To get door open, stand on hind legs and

 hammer with forepaws.

 

 Once door is opened, it is not necessary

 to use it.  After you have ordered

 an "outside" door opened, stand halfway

 in and out and think about several things.

 This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS:

 If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.

 If you cannot manage in time, get to an

 Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug,

 shag is good.

 When throwing up on the carpet,

 make sure you back up so it is as long

 as a hoomans bare foot.

 HAMPERING:

 If one of your hoomans is engaged in

 some activity and the other is idle,

 stay with the busy one.

 This is called "helping,"

 otherwise known as "hampering."

 Following are the rules for "hampering:"

 1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being  stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

 2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,unless you can lie across the book itself.

 3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least.

 Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) When a hooman is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Hoomans love to jump.

 5) When hooman is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in hooman's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

 

 WALKING:

 As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the hooman, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

 

BEDTIME:

Always sleep on the hooman at night so he/she cannot move around.

 

 LITTER BOX:

 When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Hoomans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

 

 HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the hoomans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.

 

This will cause the hoomans to panic (which they love) thinking that you

 have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the hoomans will

 cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.

 ONE LAST THOUGHT:

 Whenever possible, get close to a hooman, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them.

 

 Hoomans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests

 

These rules were made with love no hoomans were hurt when testing these rules... Krazy