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He's a wrestler, unbound by law
A self-made, billionaire
With a wreckless disregard, for the haters
Seifer, on "Southern Wrestler"...
A true, entrepreneur
CEO of Live Forever Systems
He expanded his empire into multiple profitable businesses
In addition to his glorified wrestling career
The MVP, of this wrestling shit
It's Christmas time. Do you know what that means? Well, one of the meanings of the Holiday season is it's a time for giving. It's a time where you give to others and expect nothing in return. It's time we gave something to our opponents and that is a little message. The message is simply to go about this match looking to put on a great show, but don't waste your time in trying to 'break down' what Seifer says because in the end you're only going to be hurting yourself. People might think that the whole tough guy act is simply an added characteristic to Seifer's large ego and nothing more, but it's got nothing to do with ego. Seifer don't mess around when he goes at someone, and then when they attempt to go back at him... hah, that's when Seifer don't fuckin' play. Seriously Battle Royal participants, take notice right now. You try and come at Seifer and you're going to get it ten times harder, best believe that.
Want proof? Then watch what happens when "MSN's Best Emperor" fuckin' annihilates the disgruntled opponent who wants so much for others to recognize him as an emperor!
Yet it IS Christmas time after all, so allow Seifer to show you how they get down on Christmas in the south. Y'HEARD?!
Act III: Southern Wrestler
Ah yes, the wonderfully large velvet red curtains of WPB's Kravis Center bring our attention to yet another Seiftastic promotion. The audience have all settled back into their seats as the lights time and the curtains once again open up. This time however, we can hear Christmas music playing and the entire stage is covered in white. Only, it isn't snow we're looking at, but white sand. There are even large painted wood scattered all across the stage to give us the feel that we're at the beach. A couple palm trees are on either side with Christmas lights going around them as someone is lying on a hammock between them sipping on a Pina Colada and wearing a red Santa Claus outfit. It's of course, our hero, Seifta.
"SEI-HO, SEI-HO, SEI-HO! Seiolf, where is that Christmas tree?!"
A man dressed in a reindeer costume with a teal colored nose hurries out with said Christmas tree, setting it up to the left of Seifer as he takes another sip of his drink and begins to whistle some Christmas tunes.
"Now that's the spirit!" he sits up and notices the audience looking his way. "Ah yes, Merry Christmas folks! It's a wonderful time of year, don't you agree? Right now millions of people all scattered throughout the US, mainly in our northern states are freezing their little buddies off trying to keep warm during these cold Christmas times. Some say that's one of the best parts of Christmas! Nice fire in the fire place, and the glistening snow all across the ground. In fact, if we were in Chicago or some other cold place right now, we may be more in the traditional Christmas spirit. A time for giving and caring, a time when families come together and when there is good cheer in the air! But alas, the Krystmas Kaos PPV is in my very own backyard, Ft. Lauderdale. Just a little forty five minute drive from my home, isn't that so wonderful?!"
Seifta blushes now.
"Oh my, did I not mention I don't live in the North Pole? Let's just say that I enjoy my time in the sunny isles of Miami. In fact, this is the way I spend my Christmas! Sitting on a beach with a Christmas tree right here in the snowy white sands. It's a marvelous time of year."
Seifta takes off his Santa gear and is wearing just some red swim trunks with white lining to indicate Christmas.
"Now, that's more like it! Of course many people don't feel that it's as Christmasie but I assure you Christmas is in the mind, not in what you wear in late December. However because Florida offers a very untraditional like Christmas atmosphere in terms of the weather, I think it'd only make sense that we offer a promotion that's a little bit untraditional to the Christmas spirit. It's a story I like to call... "This is what happens when you fuck with Seifta. THE KIDS WILL LOVE IT, SEI-HO! SEI-HO! SEI-HO!"
A jingle is being played as we fade into the big screen to see Seifer, this time dressed casually in white and blue dragon Affliction fight shorts and a 305-Era black muscle shirt with the letters in teal. He's simply strolling down the streets of Ocean Drive nodding his head to the people who pass by him.
"Thanks Seifta. Have I got a story for all you kids! I'd offer you to take a seat on Seifta's lap but you'd probably try and cop a feel and I usually charge for that! I mean, I'm Seifta Crane after all! Haha, I crack myself up all the gat damn time. So let's get onto the story shall we? Right now we're in the lovely, warm, sunny, and always beautiful, South Beach. You obviously know of it and it's a fitting setting because it's one of Miami's most famous destinations. Plus, since I'm considered a Southern Wrestler, it just makes sense to cut a promo from this location. After all, it's time I show you how we get down from the south, or from Miami anyways. Florida always had its own vibe to it that differed from your typical southern states."
Seifer allows time for the camera to pan across the famous Ocean Drive lineup of cars, restaurants/clubs and of course gorgeous people. The cameras even catch this beautiful looking natural blonde that has a delicious booty as it follows her roller blading away but Seifer grabs the camera and pulls it back to him.
"Okay enough of the scenery let's get back to the Seifery! OH YEAH, I CAN GO ALL DAMN DAY WITH THE SEIFERISMS! FYI, that's the first time I used that one, so that makes this promo all that more historic! 'Seifta', 'Seiolf', 'Sei-Ho' and now 'Seifery'. It must be Christmas because I don't think I've *ever* created four Seiferisms in one promotion, damn."
Seifer takes a moment to contemplate what this means.
"It means that only more good things are to come, oh you best believe it brothers and sisters of The Domain, you best believe it. So enough of the jokes and fun times, let's get down to business huh? So I'll start with our mystery lad Menacide once more. Mena, Mena, Mena. While you're out there trying to get people to figure out who you are enjoying the game of watching them ponder it, I'm over here thinking you're a fool because you're distracted by your own mask and get-up. Rather than play a game of charades you ought to be coming out and trying to state your case as to why you'd make the best Heavyweight Champion, rather than just saying no ones going to beat you. Instead all anyone sees is just another person under a mask, one in which some, somewhere are curious as to who you are, but not the majority because your speeches are garbage. I've got a serious question for you however, what happens if you don't win? I mean, obvious if you won I'd assume you'd unmask, that's usually the end game. Unless of course your Kreed in which case, well he was a bit odd anyways. But if you don't win? And trust me, you won't... what then? You going to just fade off into the distance or are you going to try again. If you unmask after the fact without winning, then you'll look even worse. Guess while you're tossing out your riddles you can ponder that one too, don't have to get back to me as I'll find out soon enough."
Seifer jogs across the street to a woman holding up a case of cigars by one of the restaurants and picks the finest one she had before lighting up as he comes back over to the ocean side of the street and puffs it casually as he walks.
"So who else do I have? Well, I know I've got Stevenson but I'm saving him for last since right now, he's certainly the best to save. I mean of course in the terms of material he's given me because believe you me he's going to be lubing his ass up for a week after the verbal anal raping I'm about to give him. So that leaves me with, well according to the website, SinDee."
Seifer cocks a slight eyebrow.
"Cindy? For real? Alright. I vaguely remember this chick because she never wrestled all too much but from what I did catch, she was pretty solid in the ring. She could definitely dominate most of the women out there and even hang with the men on the occasions she did. I think she might have even become a champion but I don't pay too much attention to those who don't last long. Not a knock on ya either, just the way it is, no use in paying attention to someone who probably isn't going to be around too much. I do remember your bunny love though, beat him to win a yearly tournament, that was pretty seiftastic."
Seifer throws on a pair of sunglasses for all of... three seconds.
"Not that it has anything to do with you however. Other than that, don't know all that much about ya Dee, but I'm sure you're going to give me enough whenever you decide to grace us with your presence. Oh, and I think you might have had something to do with Nova and his Caine Clan. Uh oh, I might have liked you Dee, but that may just put you way over in Russia, maybe. That's my way of making a cold war analogy, nation. I'll keep it simple with you right now, do your thing like even Menacide is because as my narrator so graciously put, going at me gets you gutted like a fish. You might like that though, so ready to watch it Dee? How about you Menacide? I know the two of you should enjoy it and whoever else decides to enter into this fray. Oh and of course the billions upon billions of Seifmadness fans spread throughout the universe."
Seifer stops, sits, and smiles. He looks fucking ridiculous to be honest just sitting there with a goofy ass smile on his face, but can you blame him, he was excited. Expression returns to normal.
"It's time, isn't it Drew. You knew this was coming the second you released your promo, you knew it would only be a matter of time. I'm sure you prepared for it, I'm sure you're holding your ground awaiting my attack and on some note, I believe you'll even say this is what you wanted, that I've played right into your hand. What can I say, you know me. But lemmie tell ya, even the smartest planner can plan something out to a T and it works out perfectly... except for when it actually plays out they find themselves unmatched. You might have the best damn game plan ever against a Jerry Rice, lead him into the part you want to on the field for the double team with the safety over the top for help, but when he's Jerry Rice, he's going to catch it anyways. So you ready for this? Aiight, let's begin the slaughtering.
"Oh and you have only yourself to blame for this as you were the lamb that led yourself right to the slaughtering. BUD fans are going to rejoice because it has been a LOOOOONG time since I've done this to someone in BUD. I'm already beginning to get a sense of nostalgia and I haven't even begun! Man this is going to be fun."
Bam, Seifer stands up and walks over towards the beach, wanting to get off the sidewalk and on over to the concrete ledges right on the edge of the sand. He takes a seat on one that's covered in shade.
"Let's begin with a simple and rather annoying thing. Don't bring up another federation Drew, it's moot and we don't care. This is BUD and right now, in the moment, this Sunday night I only give a damn about what is happening inside of The Domain. That's it, nothing more, nothing less. You can talk about this and that two federations BS but as far as I'm concerned, I'm NOT a champion right now in BUD, and that's what I want to change. Why would I want to bring companies together anyways? I think competition is healthy and besides I've already done my part a couple years ago when I won the Triple Crown in pretty much every single category there is - that's about as far as it was ever going to go. As far as you trying to put the belt around your waist a third time, why the hell would I talk about you losing it twice before?! You said you knew I would..."
Long pause.
"You DO realize you're talking to a former 5-time champion that's lost it as many times as well, right? There ain't a damn shame in losing a title, in fact it's a hell of a lot more respectful then bitching out and getting stripped or vacating it any day. It means you fought to defend it but came up short, it happens to everyone sometimes, but at least they defended it. You are right though, to say that your win was mediocre because Dante left and you fought for a vacant title WOULD be hypocritical and doesn't sound like me at all anyways..."
Seifer thinks hard, he even has his hand on his chin!
"I guess that's why I never said anything even close to the sort. It's okay Drew, we all make rookie mistakes sometimes. Well, not me, but everyone else does! Go review my promo again before you start making dumb assumptions or making up things you wish I had said because it's easier to rag on since it's damn hard to rag on what I actually say. I mean, I have no idea where you even got that notion, seriously, I can't even fathom how the hell it makes sense in your head. You know I've won a ton of titles, surely I've had to win some of them while they were vacated, right? Moving on. I'd comment on that other match but as far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen in BUD so as I said before, right now it don't matter. Just case I've beaten you before doesn't mean I'm going to take you any lighter than before, cause that just ain't me.
"Paging Mr. Stevenson, Seifer never said you ditched BUD as its champion, if you took it that way, you're an idiot. All I said was you left, came back, left, came back and then assumed that in the coming months you might leave again because you do that, you float away and return often. I never mentioned leaving as champion and as far as why you left, dun know, dun care because I wasn't there."
Le sigh. Seifer slaps his head.
"And once again we've got Drew playing some kind of fantasy game in his mind where he's cutting promos as Seifer too and then responding to them in real life instead of what I'm saying! Seriously man, what the fuck are you on... ex? Coke? I never said you were a bad champion, nor did I shoot down your reign or what you had to work with. I know full well you can't control it. Do I think I'd have done better if I was champ in quarter one of 2008? Damn right, but I'm egotistical and know that my name draws more than yours, but I didn't bring that up. You've GOT to stop making shit up Drew because it's starting to get annoying and is definitely unfitting of someone who wants to be the champ. You held that belt for a long ass time, almost caught up to Dante's reign for second longest behind Mark Cain's. Impressive, most certainly no matter who was in BUD. I know why you're doing this and against a lessor opponent, it might work. A lessor opponent would see you going at them and just go off on what you said, rather than taking a moment to think back to their promo and respond accordingly like I am. I'm no lessor opponent obviously because I'm trumping your every mistake, and there's been a lot. But then again, I understand, not to repeat myself again in a different context but I know I'm a hard guy to get quality ammo on so painting a picture in your mind about an evil guy that doesn't really exist seems natural so you can give yourself extra fuel. It's creative, I'll give you that; but when you get called out on it like you are now, that creativity is like dumping gun powder in the ocean, it becomes useless. It was a risk, you gambled, and you lost.
"There you go again, mentioning PWT yet again, what is it with your obsession with comparing BUD and PWT right now? Are you trying to some how get people against me because of them? You need to keep your focus on The Domain pal. I didn't want to mention other companies but I will just to clear up your confusion since you obviously speak before you think at least a little. So I guess BUD was in hard times earlier in the year? Well, I was only slightly active in PWT in the first part of 2008, it was actually FWA I was running wild through. That's me though, when I feel satisfied with what I've done somewhere, I move on, I've done that for years now so why would I start changing now and allow myself to fall into a rut and go stale? Oh but you knew that, I know ya did but it's not as juicy to mention since they just had their finale a couple weeks ago. Whatever, save your subtle attempts at stirring up drama to someone who's less intelligent, k?
"So now that I told you where I was, I guess it's time to flex some of my ego. While you were here busting your ass to bring up the ratings in BUD, I came in... had one match, and that match went on to win the Match of the Year for 2008. Yeah, what now? Ain't got nothin' to say, do ya?"
Seifer laughs and brushes off his shoulder. HE HAD SOME SAND ON IT! Forget dirt!
"For a fourth time Drew's got to mention another federation! Give.it.a.rest! I've gotten pretty greedy? HAH! I haven't gotten greedy Drew, I've always BEEN greedy! I'm one of the few, maybe only I don't know, men who have held FOUR championships at one time in BUD. Yeah, it happened four years ago, but the point is that Seifer being greedy for a title is nothing new, nothing at all. Why you've got your panties all up in a bunch over it is beyon... wait no it isn't beyond me. You're mad that I'm in this match because despite what you think, you know it's over for you. Hey, I was here first pal so deal with it and be thankful that Dante retired because if he hadn't you wouldn't even be thinking of BUD gold and probably wouldn't even be in The Domain again anyways. But you are, and we're here, in the ring against each other with a couple other people. Only difference is you're already going to be pretty tired from your match with Zarek, tough luck, guess you should have gotten your priorities in order. I had a shot at the BudVision title but I declined because my main focus was the BUD Heavyweight Championship, the very title I'll be winning on my own. I've never needed anyone's help to win my battles but if Money wants to watch ringside I'll get him a ticket, no big thang, rest easy though cause he's not going to be helping me."
Seifer pauses and then nods his head.
"You, along a few others, might have filled the shoes I left, but I'm back now with a new pair of shoes. Kind of makes those shoes you're wearing seem a bit old, huh? People want what's new again and I'm wearing them. Call it a throwback if you want, but it's still new in the here and now. Trust me on this Drew, you don't want the title more than I do, not a chance. Not a chance."
Seifer shakes his head, he really didn't understand what Seifer did in BUD and what that Heavyweight Championship meant to him and what this win would mean.
"That goes for all of you from Menacide to SinDee and whoever else, I didn't come just to be a name to raise ratings, I came to win. That's all there is to it. Merry Christmas Southern Wrestler style, I'll see ya'll soon enough SEI-HO AND AWAY WE GO!"
The scene seizzles out. |
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