PROPHECIES THAT
                    "The National Enquirer"
                        Refuses to Publish!
                   BY MISTER ROB BREZSNY

o A new breed of well-read, charismatic homeless people will
arise. They'll spread understanding and laughter through their
communities, and will be routinely feasted in the homes of
grateful citizens.

o Nintendo will shock its target audience with the release of its
"NirvanaStorm" video game, the first-ever model with socially
redeeming value. In it, kids must negotiate all eight levels of
Buddhist enlightenment with a grinning, bespectacled, red-
robed character who resembles the Dalai Lama.

o Pizza Hut will be bought by Oprah Winfrey, who will convert
all the existing restaurants into a world-wide chain of well-
stocked vision-quest sanctuaries known as "Menstrual Huts."

o Dolphins will cease to be smarmy symbols of nature at its
cutest when the public becomes aware that they're among the
horniest of all creatures. A Life magazine exposé will reveal that dolphins are sexually active from birth, females are wildly
promiscuous, and adolescent males are usually bisexual.

o A mass ecstatic frenzy will infect more than 200 housewives
in Iowa. Much like the maenads of ancient Greece, they'll
renounce their volunteer slavery and take to the woods and hills for an orgy of singing, dancing, and dramatic readings of "Women Who Love Too Much."

o Desperate to justify its funding, the Pentagon will spend $10
billion dollars on research to develop military uses for the
human orgasm.

o The average length of an act of heterosexual intercourse in
America -- which is currently only four minutes -- will jump
to 22 minutes by the end of 2002.

Marvel at Rob's uncanny accuracy by reading more of his
prophecies here:

http://www.freewillastrology.com/allsigns_032300/b+t_022.shtml


                         ¡¡¡HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!