evening Hoop.  A very decent question, shrouded by all that editorial.       I will summarize and hopefully grasp the nib of your issue:  "...If you hold to your etiquete, then you need to address the fear..." - and the implied question is (how.)

First - let's briefly address your very first sentence, where you seem to think your previous approach was somehow "better" --- it was not.  You didn't really embrace/accept/release the fear; you piled it in a deep dark hole of your psyche, and due to your strength of will and fortitude, and ability to ignore/withstand the darkness and the blowback of that deep hole --- you thought you did well with fear.

Of course - you had earlier problems with all sorts of anger-based issues with yourself, with others, with things/opportuinties that didn't "go right"  - or situations where you reacted with violence or violence was brought against you....and you never thought to measure any of this difficulty with your past ability (or lack thereof) to address fear in an alternative format....But i tell you.....fear is insideous; it is smarter than you - it is sharper than you - it is meaner than you...it is tougher than you.   If you decide to fight it - it will beat you in your own stadium, at your own rules.  

The key to "beating" fear...is not beating it.  You don't "win" a battle against your own fear without also becoming the victim.   This terrible battle - often fought thru-out an entire life....can be likened to a "pyric" victory - a victory earned at a far greater cost than the victory was "worth."

the only way to "win" - is to not play.

You will need to study this carefully.  Grasping what I am telling you - won't come easily.  If you DO study it, with an insight of Why things have happened to you, based on your own actions and those situations you allowed yourself to be in, based on your predeliction to violence and power and the seeming thrill/rawness of it over others...being a victim of another's greed and power and molestation doesn't give you a right of ownership and power to exact punishement over others --- the opportunity is there for you to take, and there is risk in opportunity that you have learned the "wrong" lesson by being the victim and what you did as a result...

You won't like what you gradually/quickly discover about yourself in those past years - that's ok.  Don't waste time being all self-pitiful about it.  You've had alot of opportunity to learn about violence (as a victim) - about molestation - about manipulation.   In opportunity there is a risk to assume that manipulative power (physical and emotional) is the response to violence.   It is a response with addictive side-effects, and it is not the most effective response.  The risk is you will become accustomed to the cycle of violence begetting violence; thus the Pyric Victory of winning battles, but losing the real war.

Fear is a tool.  Like any other tool, the usage of it can reflect the wielder's Intent, their Etiquete or protocol - or it can simple be a sharp edge sawing against a rough surface.  If you allow the tool to define your limitations in life - you have also defined your pain and suffering as more valuable than the lessons to be learned from it - and the cycle of fear/anger/pain/violence continues in whatever venue you decide or allow it to play out.

I've addressed Fear in other texts on SLC.  There are as many ways to embrace / accept /release fear - as a tool - as there are spirits wielding their Etiquetes in this Wurld...because fear is intensely Personal and comes in so many flavors.  Does It matter  that I may not contain the same Fears as you?  That is the point exactly.  Your ability to feel Fear is as personal as your ability to feel Love.  The single thread of salvation from the depression or apathy caused by a failure to effectively address fear...is Hope.

Everyone is going to have some overpowering fear..until they find that place of peace and love inside themselves that bridges the dark places from past experiences (that have not been released.)  Sometimes, a Focus or goal allows a temporary balance from the overpowering paralysis or depression - folks in a "kill zone" on a battle field can tell you about this.  That "kill zone" can be a dark alley - it can be a bedroom that has been violated by a burgler - it can be a family room where the spouse is no longer acting as "family"...it can be in your dream state, in a multitude of situations.

The action of addressing your fear is handled within your Protocol (the actual 'action") because it is Performance based on your etiquete that allows you the comfort zone of self-determination and resolve.  This performance slowly - eventually - brings Hope; the feeling that galvanizes your spirit to hang in there when things look so shitty you want to pull the trigger on whoever is in the way, including you;.....Hope - that all this shit has a purpose based in lifting your above the material cycle designed to keep you in misery and planet/bound.

But your response to addressing Fear  begins with your Etiquete.  You have to decide to not "play" the game of win/lose with your bad experiences.  You have to decide to embrace all the bad things that happened to you - and that will happen to you...and go thru a process of acceptance that you are More than the body, more than the fancy car or house or job --- and a process of release for all the materialism, including payback, revenge, retribution, rationalizations - and use a vehicle of Detached Love as the response you take to violence and oppression.

it aint easy.  It may not happen within one lifetime.  but as much preparation and progress as you can make with the above in mind --- it will serve you seven-fold in the Battle that you will avoid --- by not fighting within yourself.

You have alot of guts...more than you are currently giving yourself credit for.  Some folks confuse the "dark" path with Only evil intent.  You are now discovering what "dark" really can mean, in the personal sense.  Foreboding can be a harbringer of prophesy...as an image in a dream is a Portent of things which May come.  The key here is to not confuse Portents with your Depression.  You are currently engaged in some serious family problems - they are still in process of resolution.  You have some idea, some feeling - that there may be negative fallout with one of your children due to this...part of your foreboding is from this.  You also have a sense of danger due to your location - the idea/feeling that there will be more deaths (american) to come from the action overseas (and here.)

I'm not saying to discount the clarvoyance you may be receiving.  but you need to build a detachment from emotive responses to all those sources of energy you are currently open to.  Being "psychic" is not always fun - and when you let down the door to your "real" feelings, you may also let down your barriers to outside influences - thus the patternistic anger you have been showing those (who are close to you.)

You are not alone.  This sentence is meant to comfort you - but I know it has little "real" value in the early hours of the morning, window cracked open for the chill in the air, funny little pattering sounds from the roof, creaking walls, breathing sounds spreading quietly thru the wallway to your ears...and you start to really feel alone....and although you used to love the early hours as an escape to solitude, you are now seeking the solace of a bedroom light or shaded "nite light" because you don't want to see what might be in the shadows of the hallway any more than you want to brave that strange little noise in the children's room or in the kitchen...and you wonder where this Fear came from, you being so brave and strong all your adult life - being the strength of everyone else in the family...standing up for all the injustice and bad judgment played out by others under your care...

Sometimes fear pounded in from earlier years takes awhile to work its way out of your system.  Sometimes it takes the place of depression, or "temporary" bouts of unexplainable violence - or even self - mutilation.  But for folks working and exposing themselves to helping others at the level you have...this "coming out" of the fear inside you was an inevitable event.

Now it's here.   Now you begin to address it.

Embrace/accept/release.     This phrase is going to have excruciatingly personal value for you.

But you are going to do alright.  The same strength you had to shield it - will help you in the patience you need to accept the dark - and release it.

All - by - yourself...while we who love you will be close by to help you.  I promise

consider Tonic for Tots as a potion to take - for the Fear that ails you.  Service always brings positive energy.