When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's when the fight started....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when > > the fight started.
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

 

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking

right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since. 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started....

********************this one is great *******************

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And that's when the fight started.....

 

*********************************************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.

And that's when the fight started.....

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