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| | From:  granny08x (Original Message) | Sent: 12/2/2006 5:36 AM |
| in my box first, goes grace's name.   ... Jeni....let it go. Focus on the good you have with Nate now, and with us here. When we let ourselves feel bitterness and resentment, it only hurts us... it serves no other purpose. It does not change or heal... it is like we are creating a new wound within ourselves. We do it to ourselves. Other people do not do it, even though we like to blame them for the pain. We are inflicting it on ourselves everytime we choose to let ourselves feel those negative feelings. And you are better than that, and worth more than that. We both are. I understand...truly I do. Some day he'll be a lot better husband to someone else too... and it will hurt me to see him being that way to her, as it hurts you. However... I intend to be off living in my own happiness by then. And will not be 'needing' anything from him. In the end, we must forgive ourselves for what we did to ourself... through our own neglect of ourself. Easy, no. But we are worth receiving our own forgiveness. So, we let them get away with not treating us as we deserved to be treated. We did it. And so we are now free to stop doing it! We can't continue to hold against someone things they did not have within themselves to give us that we needed from them. At some point...we have to just accept they did not have it in them... and let go of 'needing' them to have it for us. Last night I realised I had finally become able to do that... and it felt so good. Free of all the pain...free of the old need of 'retribution' so to speak. I used to feel that towards lots of people who I felt did me wrong in the past. I wanted them to some day "know" they were wrong. I thought I needed to be "vindicated" in that way. I don't. I'm free. And so are you.  You are out of that, you are free... and you have today to fill up with as much good stuff as you CHOOSE to. It's your day Jeni. You own today. When it ends.... what do you want to look back on and see it filled with? Wasted bitterness and anger over something that is 20 years old... like an old coat in the attic covered in spiderwebs and mothballs? Holding on to it for what? Or, when you wake up tomorrow, do you want to look back on today and see moments of laughter, love, kindness, and joy you sprinkled along the way? Maybe you could do something like this: Get you some empty boxes...tiny, small, size doesn't mater. And each day, wrap one... and put it under the tree. In each box is the 'thoughts and feelings' you give to that individual day.. it's the day you "create". Ask yourself what would you want to look at when you open those gift of life boxes later on? Do you want to open it and look at anger, hatred, resentment, bitterness? If yes, ask yourself why? Why is that a good gift of life to yourself? It's not. So don't give yourself that. Give your self whatever good you can find to be had. That's what I'm doing. And you and I are both worth it! I'm not crying over the last 30 years. Instead, I'm building goodness into my new todays and new tomorrows. And you can do that too. With us. And with Nate. And with your children and grandchildren. Dump that old rag coat of bitterness and resentment and hate. Trash it and say good riddance to it. It's old, outdated, out of style, and does not need to be kept anymore. Live only in today. And fill today with new good things. You got ME!  ...now that is a good thing to put in your today box. And there's lots of other good things to put in it too....ain't no room in there for that old rag from the past. I've got to get to work now on my new thing. ...moving! Hugs, Grace |
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| my new friends versus my held on resentments |
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 here goes another one in the box |
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But this time... with "her" in the picture... the songs sounded so very very different. All "slow"... and almost all about "love" in one for of another... ..and of course the tears started as I imagined the "messages" in the songs she was attempting to relay to him. And the more of the songs I listened to and the more my imagination ran away with me I almost felt physically sick! Just like in the movies... it really happens. Part of me wanted to throw up in despair and hurt and sadness. And as I listened, and finally just took the thing out... I began to come up with all kinds of mean and almost evil scenarios in my head of things I could do... I'd use my copy machine to make copies of the side of the cd where she wrote out all titles and of course her little heart and initials... I'd keep the cd.... I'd break the cd.... I'd give it back to him.. but I'd scratch out her heart and initials forever.... and write in mine instead and leave it on his pillow....I'd... I'd... I'd.... ....I'd do nothing. And I pondered that choice. I could do nothing.  this i kept in my head running for twenty years,always in the back of my mind, i'll show him, see what you missed, by your womanizing and drinking, always wanting him to hurt like i did, never truly happy, cause i was FILLED WITH TOO MUCH RESENTMENT, since starting this thread, and my love for nate growing every day, i rarely ever think of that twenty eight years of my life anymore, i know it stills play hell with my trusting the male sex, but i think that will soon pass too. grace that pull is something else, i had left my ex the year before i left for good, doing that waiting,fears,loneliness, makes you run back, waiting for the divorce, i wanted to run back again, a place of safety, but i had to repeat over and over in my mind all the reasons i left, and i gained strength every day, as you see you are moving a lot faster then me, you have already conquered your anger, so hang in there , you shall overcome. you will you know, you are a brave,strong woman. my hats off to you. i don't wear a hat,lol but you know what i mean.hugs jeni |
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i am closeing this thread. love has conquered all hate and bitterness, jeni |
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| | | From: Grace* | Sent: 3/5/2007 9:37 AM |
| Yeaaaaaaaa Jeni!.... Wooohooooo We're all dancing-proud of you. Congratulations!!.. and happy for you too. She did it, she did it! Hip Hip Hoorayyyyyyy |
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| | | From: junebug | Sent: 3/8/2007 9:57 PM |
YIPPY!!!!! God bless the women at the S&R |
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| | | From: Grace* | Sent: 1/15/2009 6:17 AM |
... I sure needed this tonight. Thank you for bumping it up. |
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