Cover Letter
July 10th, 2004
Dear Ms XXX:

Please accept my Resume for the position of Fund Development Coordinator, which I saw at
XXX. Previous experience in fund raising and public relations, supported with my recent
attendance at XXX Business Administration Diploma program, compliment and qualify my
commitment to my natural leadership skills. I am confident that with my diverse employment,
volunteer and educational experiences, I have the qualifications you described.
*Created and implemented the ‘XXX Childbirth Education Association Baby Photo Contest�?
  Secured prizes and awards for top three finalists. Organized awards banquet as well as
  media coverage. This three-day project increased the annual fundraising income by nearly
  400% and became the main fundraising project for many years thereafter
*Registered 1300 outdoor and 500 indoor players in a time critical fashion for XXX Youth
  Soccer. Updated and maintained database and provided progress reports of registrants and
  team creation. Researched, designed, disseminated registration/announcements and various
  other supporting communication materials. Coordinated with the Executive Board the
  implementation and execution of internal and external communication plans and projects. 
*Excel at multi-tasking in a fast-paced environment with the ability to foresee and correct
  potential problems, as well as completing projects within time and budget constraints.

My experiences enable me to offer you a complete package of skills and a genuinely unique talent that will provide you with an invaluable resource. My salary expectations are not as important as the opportunity to work with your company. I am confident that we can negotiate a fair salary. I would like to further discuss your requirements and my qualifications. I can be reached at
Sincerely,

Resume

EDUCATION 
2002 �?2003                  (XXX)
Business Administration Diploma Program

EMPLOYMENT AND VOLUNTEER POSITIONS
1995 - 2000 (XXX Youth Soccer)        
Coach MU07-11  
Provided supportive coaching and training as well as being motivated and dedicated to
encouraging and assisting individuals in their athletic development and player ethics.
    
Registrar 
Multi-tasked numerous projects in a fast paced, time critical environment· 
Public Relations and advertising including writer/editor of newsletters, pamphlets and
posters· 
Entered and maintained the XXYS database for registration as well as future tracking of
1300 outdoor and 500 indoor players· 
Provided support and information to Executive Committee · 
Coordinated, supervised and evaluated final creation of teams

1985 �?1999 (XXX)        
 Group Activity Aide 
Provided Blind Mobility training for visually impaired residents
Liased on behalf of the residents with numerous levels of management, parents, physicians
and pharmacists
Compiled and prepared daily, monthly and annual reports/files· Assisted with orientation and
supervision of casual and new staff
Provided daily care for those who could not care for themselves

1995 - 1998 (XXX Society)       
Canvassing co-coordinator
Reecruited and organized canvassers for annual door to door fundraising project
Awarded with the 1998 “Outstanding Achievement�?award citing outstanding performance
and dedication by the XXX Society 

1990 - 1992 (XXX Child Birth Education Association)   
Fundraiser Chair 
Originated, developed and promoted the “XXCEA Annual Baby Photo Contest�?BR>Secured and maintained prizes and awards
Coordinated logistics for fundraising event and awards presentation
Obtained media coverage for the event as well as the awards ceremony
This three-day project increased annual fundraising monies by almost 400% and became the
organizations main annual fundraising project.

1984 �?1985 (XXX)
Night Auditor
Maintained and balanced bookkeeping records for accts-receivable/accts-payable
Advised and assisted with reservations for large functions and rooms

1980  �?1984 (XXX)
Clerk/Investigations Platoon, XXX
General office duties (typing, stenography, dictaphone, file upkeep, phones)
Dark Room (development and enlargement of black and white film for crime scene    
investigations as well as Base Newspaper)      

Company Commander Clerk, Headquarters XXX
Produced a five year projection report for space availability of incoming students, instructors
and staff
General office duties (typing, stenography, phones filing and report writing where required)

Military Police Officer, XXX
Provided security for both the Base and PMQ section
Investigated complaints and crimes committed
Recorded and reported findings in an accurate manner
Handled and transported  ‘Classified�?documents and information.

QUALIFICATIONS AND PROFICIENCIES
Software  
Windows 95, 98, XP; MS Word; MS Office; MS PowerPoint; MS Excel; MS Publisher,
Simply Acct 

Strengths
Proven ability to multi-task in a fast paced environment; Ability to plan and implement
projects/events in an organized and timely fashion; Excellent communication and solid
presentation abilities; Creative thinker; Effective customer service and public relations;
Ability to identify, evaluate and correct potential problems; and work very well individually
as well as being part of a team providing for attainment of team goals.

REFERENCES

Just buzzing through and didn't get the chance to do more than glance at htis, but it's complement with an "e" in this case, not an "i." I liked the part about the 400% increase.

 

..."in a time critical fashion " seems a little akward. I'm not sure what that means...on a tight deadline? ...because someone else forgot to send out the applications and you needed to do the mop-up and came through like a trooper?

 

I haven't had Eden critique a resume for me in a couple of years, but if she hops on, I think she'll tell you the cover letter and resume are a bit wordy and needs to be more "pithy" (I believe that's the word, isn't it, Eden?). Here's an example of what I mean, "and work very well individually as well as being part of a team providing for attainment of team goals"...I feel like a bit of a hypocrit for saying this since I'm the queen of taking 5 pages to say one sentence, but if it's helpful, take it. If it's not, ignore it.

 

"accts-receivable/accts-payable" -- I think it might "look nicer" if you spelled those out.

 

"Provided security for both the Base and PMQ section" -- will your potential employer know what PMQ stands for? If not, you might want to clarify. People hate feeling stupid, and that's the last thing you want to do with your new employer (let's be optimistic here and assume this will be your new employer).

 

I can't get over your first bullet from your cover letter. It's danged impressive. You left quite a legacy with the organization. I'd try to do more with your letter and resume with that sort of a tone and solid numbers to back it.

 

My two cents anyway.  Good luck!

 

Jayne

Hi Caroline,

 

 Your Cover letter is a bit wordy. try to shorten it and Taylor it for the actual position you are seaking. The purpose of the Letter is to get them to read your Resume not list all of your accomplishments save that for the resume. I have been told by recruiters and HR folks that if the cover letter takes more then 5 seconds to read it's to long and you loose em.

 

HTH

 

db

 

Thank you both so very much.

 

As you've probably noticed, I had some 'issues' with the first three attempts. It finally took once I transferred the document to word pad. Odd how the same document is too large on Word, but is fine on Notepad...guess it's all in the programming.

 

I've made the changes you both suggested and included the first bulleted item right after the first sentence (first paragraph). Still the same amount of words, but gives the appearance of more 'white space'. I was'nt really happy with four bulleted items to begin with.

 

Hopefully this is good enough to at least have an interview.

 

When I saw this job posting, I only looked at it because of the title. After reading it, I was totally amazed at how they would actually want to pay someone to do something that I've done for years, for free and so easily. Anyway...

 

Again, thank you both so very much for input...it trully is appreciated

 

Caroline, future 'paid' Fund Development Coordinator

LOL, Jayne, thanks for the endorsement. You're no slouch in the writing/editing department yourself. 

 

Carolynne, your metrics (increasing annual giving by 400%; program became the paradigm for future fundraising) are MUCH more important and impressive than obtaining prizes. In other words, don't bury your lead.

 

Watch your spelling--it's "recruiting" not "reecruiting."

 

And this didn't make sense to me--you're committed to your "natural leadership skills???"  <<Previous experience in fund raising and public relations, supported with my recent
attendance at XXX Business Administration Diploma program, compliment and qualify my
commitment to my natural leadership skills. I am confident that with my diverse employment,
volunteer and educational experiences...>>  Suggestion: put the info about the Certificate program with your academic credentials on your resume.  And keep in mind that in today's marketplace, employers want you to have targeted experience, not "diverse."

 

 

As Don and Jayne have mentioned, your cover letter is a bit wordy.  And yes, pithy is good.

 

Plus, if you are especially committed to the cause, e.g., MS or Alumni Development, then it's okay to say so.

 

Good luck!  Give a shout if you need more help.

Thank you Jayne, Da Baer and Eden:

 

As I posted before, I did make the changes you suggested and it did sound and look much better, then I read your post (eden's) and thought 'dohhh'

 

"Targeted" and "I believe that my fundraising, volunteer, and PR experience, coupled with my abilities to lead and inspire a team encompass the core skills necessary for the Fund Development Coordinator" are excellent.

 

Amazing how no matter how perfect you think the Cover letter and Resume are...give it five minutes and you will ultimately find something better to say, correct or delete.

 

The word 'pithy' brought me into a round of the giggles. I have four children and last week they overheard me saying 'pithy'. You can well imagine how much fun they had with that one for the rest of the day...wrong usage, but most definately entertaining and giggle inspiring.

 

I understand about the verbal diahrea...if it were up to me, I would simply say 'Hire me, I'll do the job', but then i have to add a few more words and it becomes a snowball running down a hill...yikes!!!

 

Now if I can just get you to call the HR person that is hiring, and tell them to just hire me...life would be great.

 

Thank you all again so very much. This truly was appreciated and yet another learning experience...which is always good in my books.

 

PS How do you go about posting your resume without loosing all the formatting in here? Same CL/Resume, but apparently the site saw a difference in number of characters in Word as compared to Notepad.  Would be great to be able to copy/paste with formatting in place.

 

Caroline

Carolynne, I was just another set of eyes (and yeah, I'm a picky editor ).

 

By the way, YOU can do this: <<Now if I can just get you to call the HR person that is hiring, and tell them to just hire me...life would be great.>> LOL, okay, if you're not quite ready to pick up the phone, then hone your cover letter and resume so they basically grab the HR person by the collar and yell, "HEY! Hire me!"