Johnny Askin’s holding a microphone. What a way to open a show. If only it were some kind of April Fool’s joke, right?

Askin: Good evening fans, and welcome to this week’s special April Fool’s addition of W2K RAGE. Now, most of you must know by now that, in tonight’s Main Event, two very unlikely teams are scheduled to go head to head. In the six-man tag team match at the end of the night, we’ll see Tyler Hayden, W2K Impact Champion, Dante Cross, and number-one contender for the W2K Championship, Ryan Cain, all team up to take on Phantom, Sef Kinsley, and current W2K Champion, Nic E. Dangerously. I thought it’d be interesting to get the members of both teams together in the same place for the first time since the match was made, just to get an idea of what we can expect from them when the time for the match arrives. Now, you’d probably think they’d turn this whole thing down�?but management likes me, so they’re obligated.

He gives an asshole grin.

Askin: Now, I’m here to start the show with the first team I mentioned, made up of Ryan Cain, Dante Cross, and Tyler Hayden.

The camera pulls back to show Haywire and Dante standing on either side of Askin, not looking too happy to be a part of this�?and Ryan Cain not too far behind Haywire, but seeming kind of distant from everyone at the same time while he just kind of looks down at the floor, chewing on his thumbnail and totally lacking his usual “flair.�?/P>

Askin: So, guys, like I said, you three make up a very “unlikely team,�?as I’ve already said, especially after what happened last week with Ryan and Haywire battling it out, only to have their efforts rendered futile by interference from you, Dante.

Askin nods toward Dante.

Askin: You’ve said that you don’t even expect these two to begin *trying* to coexist with you. That’s a pretty pessimistic attitude, especially considering the competitive nature shared by all three of you. Can I get everyone’s feelings in regard to the match as it grows so near?

Before Askin can even give a moment for someone to decide to go first, Dante just butts in.

Dante: Yeah, you’re right, Askin. I said that I don’t expect either of these two to have my back for even a second. I don’t expect them to help me, and I sure as hell don’t expect them to be standing on the apron when I instinctively look for the tag. If it doesn’t end up as a five-on-one situation, I definitely expect a three-on-one, at best. This isn’t a situation where I’m going to stand here and guarantee victory. It’s not a night after which I expect to have conquered all the adversity. But I can guarantee this: I can guarantee the fact that I’ll still be breathing at the end of the night. I can guarantee the fact that, when the night’s over, I’ll already be moving on to plan my next step. This is a six-man tag match that’s not meant to accomplish anything but a level of entertainment that can only be achieved by the act of throwing a team that’s *this* awkward together. No one cares who wins. It’s not going to decide anything. If nothing else, it’s the only way anyone involved could ever get the better of me.

A scoff comes in reply to that statement; scathingly subtle. Dante Cross looks past Askin now and right at Haywire, who’s rubbing his chin with a little smirk.

Dante: What are you smiling at?

Askin moves the microphone over to Tyler Hayden.

Askin: Haywire, what do you have to add?

Dante: Yeah, enlighten us.

Haywire: The time allotted for this interview wouldn’t be nearly sufficient to “enlighten�?the likes of you, Dante. But as far as tonight, maybe I’ll be there when you turn around to make that tag�?and maybe I won’t. I disagree with the level of predictability you’ve densely applied to my character. I really don’t think you know what you’re talking about, but I can’t stand here and pretend that I know what’s going to happen in the ring later on tonight. I’ll make my decision when I get there, and no matter what I do�?I can take satisfaction in the knowledge that, until that point, your fate rests in my hands. I can twist it and I can turn it in any way I choose. Maybe I care about this match more than I care about prematurely taking revenge over you right now - revenge that’s inevitable anyway. And�?maybe I don’t. If nothing else, at least you can take comfort in the thought that, no matter what, I can’t beat you by pinning my own partner to win the match.

Haywire winks at Dante and Dante just shakes his head in annoyance. Leaning back a bit, Askin looks at Ryan Cain, who hasn’t spoken or really moved since this whole thing started.

Askin: And what do you have to say, Ryan?

Ryan just glances up at Askin in a fleeting manner before looking back down again and just kinda shaking his head.

Askin: Ryan, you don’t want me to tell management you refused to comply, do you?

Again, Haywire just smirks.

Haywire: Did you already forget what he did to you last week, Askin? Have all the times he’s knocked you out just blurred into one big awful memory? How’s the head, by the way?

Dante: Screw it, he‘s a Debbie Downer. The “Tragic Hero�?has other things to worry about, and since he doesn’t have any “adversity�?to overcome, he doesn’t have a damn thing to say.

Suddenly, Ryan shoves past Haywire and Askin both and gets right in Dante’s face. He’s breathing heavily and his eyes are wide.

Ryan: You really think you’re that important, Dante? You make all these ignorant assumptions without ever hearing a word from my mouth- you don’t F***ING know me! You don’t know a damn thing about me. You’ve got all this talent, all this ability - you’ve had so much experience in wrestling, but your *real* ability is still locked up as untapped potential�?because you’re just like everyone else. You’re just like Christian Michaels and William Rodney Mercy and PowerTrip and Seifer�?and Jacob Mitchell. You’ve established yourself as a great wrestler, you’ve won Heavyweight Titles�?but you haven’t done *shit* to separate yourself from the rest of them. And you talk trash on me for the things that make me different? Well while you’re busy putting on a less-than-memorable show in the mid-card at Palooza, I’ll be getting ready to become W2K Champion, because I did what you couldn’t and won Anarchy. You don’t know me, Dante. You think I’m just gonna ditch you and give up my first opportunity to really start breaking down Nic E. Dangerously? That should be your first clue. Take some notes from Haywire, Dante�?do something to make yourself really stand out�?then- *then*, maybe I’ll consider you as important as you consider yourself. Until then, I’ll focus on my personal issues that go far beyond you interfering in a stupid f***ing wrestling match.

Ryan finishes, but the stare-down continues for several moments with the two men standing face to face�?until Ryan just turns abruptly and walks away. There’s a momentary awkward silence�?until Haywire takes a couple steps backwards, holding up his fingers in Dante’s direction like a gun.

Haywire: Bang.

After the Sons of Disaster are shown leaving the ring, the Texan Connection is shown arriving at the building. NED has the strap held tight to his shoulder, and Sef is by his side keeping the pace with him. NED stops mid-step, and we swing over to see Phantom staring a hole right through him and Sef.

NED: "Hello Phantom, I assume you're not going to rip us to shreds, considering we're your partners tonight."

Sef: "Yeah, and besides, NED doesn't taste good, and I like my blood where it is; in my veins."

Phantom just smiles that deviant little smile of his.

Phantom: "You two just go out to the ring tonight, be good little sheep, and run right into the cannon-fire. I assume both of you had better priorities than W2K, due to your silence over the week. Even though I'd like to kill you right now, and let it be done with, I'll let you live at least for another day because we're stuck in a tag team match together."

NED: "Yeah thanks, I guess."

Both competitors are in the ring, the bell rings, and the match starts. Nigga goes straight for Sean, who hits a huge DDT right off the bat. Sean is taking it to Jones, hitting a Fisherman suplex. A pin by Hunter, only gets two. Back to vertical bases, Sean continues to smack Nigga to the Jones around, sends him into the corner. Looks likes Sean wants a super-plex, Nigga wriggles free, pushes Sean off of him, and goes for a flying clothesline, but Sean dips out of the way. Nigga turns around to get a high dropkick straight to his face. Nigga stumbles back like an old man, and falls. Sean pops back up, stomps on Jones, and picks him back up. He sends him into the ropes, goes to hit a spinebuster, but Nigga reverse with a Lou Thesz press! Nigga starts hitting Sean, but Sean slams a hard right into Jones' face, sending him to the mat beside him. Sean stands up, and stalks Nigga. Waiting... waiting... Nigga is up, looks like Sean wants to hit the Decapitator. But right before Sean goes for it, Nigga clutches his heart, and falls to the mat. Sean looks confused, shrugs, and pins the Nigga. The ref counts... 1... 2... 3!

Binkle: "HERE IS YOUR WINNER... SEAN HUNTER!

Kewl: "Did Jones just have a heartattack?"

Trunks: "He's old, it was bound to happen!"

Pyxxi DeWolfe is seen walking backstage, in one of the corridors of course. She has a smile on her face, she seems pretty confident. Suddenly she bumps into Summer Stratus who is on a war-path! Summer looks Pyxxi up and down.

Pyxxi: "Look where you're going, tramp!"

Summer: "Excuse me? What the Hell did you just call me?"

Before Pyxxi can speak, Summer jams her words back down her throat with a punch to the face, slams her into a bunch of random useless props, and hits the Dangerously Hot (unprettier). Summer stands up, and looks down at Pyxxi.

Summer: "See Dante, I don't take shit from anyone. I have that killer instinct to be in Team DOA. No matter what Nikki or that psycho dominatrix Vex says, I belong in Team DOA. No one can take that away from me... NO ONE!"

Voice: "Not if I break your pretty little legs, bitch!"

Summer looks over, and sees Serenity standing there with a sly smile on her face.

Summer: "Do I need to go through you too?"

Serenity: "Nope, let's save that for another day. Besides, I'd hate to break a sweat before I go out, and mop the floor with six other bitche's hair."

For some crazy reason, Tyna Hilton is rounding a corner, and overhears Serenity's shit-talking.

Tyna: "Oh really, now? Tsk tsk, Serenity, I think you're foregetting that I'm in the match. And besides, my hair doesn't fit the description of 'mop'. Last time I checked... I think that was yours."

Serenity: "BITCH... WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?"

Tyna: "Might need to brush that mess."

Serenity is about to go Rambo on Tyna, until she sees the glimmer of gold. Stepping up to join this whole feline fiasco is none other than the Championess herself; Rain.

Rain: "Ahem... why don't you save the nail breaking, huffing and puffing for the ring? Besides, chances are neither one of you are going to win, and if you do... if by some chance you're able to pull off a win... I'll die before you ever touch this gold."

“King Nothing�?by Metallica rocks the house.

Joey: Oh. Good.

The audience isn’t exactly pleased with that song being played, because they know what it means, so they start pelting the stage with boos and various other sounds of displeasure.

Trunks: Come on. If anything, when the Champ is around, it means entertainment is sure to follow.

Joey: Yeah, if you’re into shady manipulation.

Trunks: You aren’t?

Anyway, as you’ve surely inferred by now, Nic E. Dangeorusly steps through the curtain onto the stage carrying his W2K Championship Belt over his shoulder and a velvet bag in his right hand, followed closely by Sef Kinsley. It doesn’t take long before the Texas Connection is on its way down the stage, toward the ring. Dangerously takes the steps up onto the apron, where he steps through the ropes and into the ring, while Sef rolls under the bottom rope.

Joey: The last time we saw Dangerously holding that bag, his words definitely made it seem like the contents were important in some way.

Trunks: That was like�?two weeks ago.

Joey: Yeah. Weird that it took this long to get an explanation.

Taking a microphone from ringside, Dangerously returns to the middle of the ring as the music cuts and the world continues to hate his guts.

NED: Two weeks ago, in the Main Event of Anarchy 2008, a certain clown shoe somehow managed to win the Anarchy Battle Royal. Despite the time of his entrance, despite the company-wide bounty on his head, despite the fact that virtually *everyone* in the match hated him�?he somehow managed to win. Woohoo. Good for him. And at the same time, he won the golden ticket that guarantees admission to the Main Event of WrestlePalooza. He went straight to the front of the line of people waiting to get their “shot�?at me for the W2K Championship.

Letting the Title Belt slide down his arm into his free hand, NED looks into its faceplate before turning it to display it to the audience.

NED: For this belt. Ouch.

NED kinda cringes and shakes his head.

NED: Not so good for him.

Lowering the microphone, he takes a breath and exhales heavily before continuing.

NED: I’ve already said this once, but just to reiterate: I really feel like I jumped the gun after Anarchy. I don’t want to have to do to Ryan Cain what I’ve already done to the countless unlucky individuals that came before him. I don’t want to have to use up the time it takes to tear him apart the way I did Cross, Christian Michaels, JT Kash, Cross, PowerTrip�?Cross. You know the list, but the point is, I’m trying to give him an out here. I’m trying to do Ryan Cain the biggest favor anyone’s ever done for him, and, looking at the things that have been going on around him lately, you know he needs it.

Lifting the velvet bag in his hand up to eyelevel, Dangerously looks at it with a little smirk. Even Sef, arms crossed, looks kind of intrigued by the bag.

NED: And that’s where this bag comes in. The fact is, everyone knows Ryan Cain doesn’t belong in Pay-Per-View Main Events. He doesn’t belong in matches for the W2K Championship. And he sure as hell doesn’t belong in the ring with Nic E. Dangerously, and inside this bag is his ticket back to midcard mediocrity. This is his chance to wrap himself back up in that security blanket.

Kinda tossing the bag up, Nic catches it in the same hand, cupping it on the bottom so that he can loosen the opening on the top.

NED: In case anyone’s forgotten - and it’d be difficult to do so, since Ryan reminds us all every chance he gets - a long time ago�?/FONT>

After the Texan Connection make the entrances, everyone is ready for the match to begin. Sef and Haywire start the match off. Haywire starts off strong with a couple chops, then followed up with a flatening elbow smash right to Sef's dome. Haywire keeps in control, a couple shots to wear him down, back to a vertical base, and a sharp floatover DDT out of no where. Haywire follows-up with a solid running senton rebounded off the ropes. A quick pin by Haywire, he only gets two. Sef is in a bad way here, as Haywire drills him with a couple more forearms, then lifts him back to his feet. Haywire attempts a double-underhook piledriver, somehow Sef slithers out, kicks Hayden's knee out, and dives for his corner. He hits a hand, and no one knows who he hit until Phantom steps through the ropes.

Kewl: "Looks like Sef tagged in Phantom! Let's see what happens."

Phantom walks menacingly over towards Haywire who stands there for only a moment, and then dashes towards Phantom. He starts slamming forearms into Phantom's face, hitting a couple chops, and low kicks. Phantom isn't budging, and soon enough he's on the offensive with a couple clubby backfists. Phantom backs Haywire into a corner, slams his knee into him, and proceeds to chop chop chop chop him where the neck and shoulder meet. The ref asks Phantom to back off, and Phantom does, after he grabs Haywire by the hair and the back of the neck, and throws him straight for Haywire's corner. Phantom points at Ryan, signalling he wants him in the ring, and Ryan is all for it! But then as soon as Haywire stands up, Dante slaps him hard on the shoulder and gets in the ring.

Kewl: "Now it's Phantom against Dante!"

Trunks: "Spalding against the hardcore canuck!"

Kewl: "I think he heard you, Trunks!"

Trunks: "IT WAS JOEY, NOT ME!"

Phantom and Dante start battling it out, back and forth action until Dante ducks under a backfist, pops up behind PHantom, and hits Phantom with a reverse DDT! Quick pin, only a one before Phantom THROWS Dante off of him. Phantom stands up as does Dante, hits a big throat thrust, Dante holds his throat as Phantom rebounds off the ropes and hits a huge single-boot front dropkick. Phantom follows up with a standing elbow drop that rattles the ring, quick pin by Phantom. The pin only gets a two before Dante kicks out. Both men are at a vertical base, Dante starts battling Phantom until he has his back to the ropes, he follows up with the stiffest roundhouse kick you ever did see. Phantom staggers, Dante hits the ropes, rebounds, and dropkicks right into the big man's left knee. Phantom drops to a knee, Dante's up, and hits the shining wizard! Dante crawls over for the pin, only a two! Dante is up, turns Phantom over onto his stomach, and signals for the sharpshooter. Dante cinches it in, and has Phantom writhing! They're in the middle of the ring, it doesn't look hopeful! But wait... Phantom begins to power out! He uses his arms to flip Dante right over into his partner's corner! Ryan scoops down, and tags himself in! Ryan runs at Phantom who is approaching his corner. Ryan jumps out... misses... and suddenly has NED's fist in his mouth! Ryan hits the mat, as NED tags himself in as well!

Kewl: "It's the champ versus the number one contender!"

Trunks: "Ryan Cain is about to learn the hard way here. Once a clown-shoe, always one."

NED picks Ryan up, hits a couple knife-edge chops, throws Ryan into the ropes, only to get a Zero Kick... NO Nic moves out of the way! Ryan stumbles a bit, right into the set-up for NED's 'Jagged Reality'. Suddenly Dante rushes out of his corner, uses Ryan's body as a step, and hits a huge enziguri on NED! Sef rushes into the ring, goes to hit Dante from behind, but out of no where Haywire hits the Wirecutter! Sef is planted in the center of the ring. NED stands up, and finds Dante battling him to the ropes. Dante hits a spinning wheel kick that sends the champ to the outside of the ring. Haywire stands up, as Phantom joins the chaos. Haywire looks at Phantom, goes right for him, only for Phantom to launch him clear out of the ring. Phantom looks down at Haywire, and doesn't notice Ryan pushing him over the ropes as well! Ryan looks down at Sef, and pins. 1... 2... out of no where Phantom almost kicks Ryan's head clear off his shoulders with a weird scissor kick! Ryan rolls off to a corner, Dante just hit a huge clothesline to NED, Haywire is still out, and Phantom is left in the ring standing tall. But what's this... just as Phantom goes to go after Dante, the camera-man smacks Phantom up side the head with his camera! Phantom falls to the mat.

Kewl: "WHAT? That's no camera-man, that's Sean Hunter!"

Suddenly Haywire rolls into the ring, and pins the still K'O'd Sef. The ref counts 1... 2... 3!

Howard Binkle: "Here are your winners... the team of TYLER HAYDEN, DANTE CROSS, AND RYAN CAIN!

The referee raises Haywire’s hand in the air over Sef Kinsley as “Personal Jesus�?by Depeche Mode plays overhead.