An  elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she  explains her situation to the  dispatcher:  ' They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she  cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An  officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the  officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the  back-seat by mistake.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US  !! ________________________________________________________________________ Three  sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and  pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting  in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't  know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and  pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down? The  92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I  sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on  wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help Both of  you as soon as I see who's at the door.' TELL ME THIS  WON'T HAPPEN TO US  !!!! ________________________________________________________________________ 'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!' Three  retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the Other, 'Windy, isn't  it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And  the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a  beer.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US  !!!! _______________________________________________________________________ A  little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man  in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said,  'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment or two and  finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.' TELL ME THIS  WON'T HAPPEN TO US  !!!! _____________________________________________________________________ Now this one is just too Precious...LOL! Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had  shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I can't  remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US  !!!! _______________________________________________________________________ SENIOR  DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, ' Herman, I  just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate  77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman,  'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!' TELL ME  THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US  !!!! _______________________________________________________________________ DRIVING Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I  must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went Through a  red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next  intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!' Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?' TELL ME THIS  WON'T HAPPEN TO US  !!!!