Connecticut Jokes

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet

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Dumb Connecticut Laws

You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades. You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays. The marriage of imbeciles and feeble-minded persons is prohibited. (Repealed) It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway. No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.

Devon

It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.

Guilford

Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.

Hartford

You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You may not educate dogs. It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

New Britain

It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.

Southington

Silly string is banned.

Waterbury

It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.

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A while ago, I went skiing in England. It was a rare package: two weeks in England, one night in Connecticut, two weeks in England. I said, "Yes, I'll take it." I got on this chairlift with this guy I didn't know. We went halfway up the mountain without saying a word. Then he turned to me and said, "You know, this is the first time I've gone skiing in ten years." I said, "Why did you take such a long time off?" He said, "I was in prison. Want to know why?" I said, "Not really. Well, you better tell me why." He said, "I pushed a total stranger off a Ferris wheel." I said, "I remember you."