hi i'm calum  a new member to this group I hope this goes to the right place:

 I have never really spoken about this before only to a few psychiatrists and a couple of close friends .  the abuse started from a very early age  my abuser wasn't just satisfied sexually abusing me   he also enjoyed mental torture and physical pain things like tying my hands behind my back laying me down on the floor bringing my feet up to wear my hands were to tie them together and then would put the peace of very fine fishing twine through my mouth and tie that to my feet and hands so if I relax that wind would cut through the sides of my mouth he then placed me in a cupboard under the stairway  he would regularly drag me out from the cupboard and start to kick and punch me I was only allowed to eat   the scraps of food he would leave on his plate if any at all: he managed in the many years this went on for to break my ankle twice and my wrists  this carried on until I was 14 years of age  I started to cut myse  with razor blades and push  sewing needles through my arms And legs at the age of 12:  when I was about 11 years old he took me into prostitution  where he would get paid for providing me to the many different men that wanted a piece of me. as a result of what I have written down here and much more  that I can't bring myself  to write down i still continue the self harm  and the self hatred of myself  this person continues to affect me every waking hour.