Step 5 of the 12 steps

I take responsibility for my actions.

Original wording (AA):
Admitted to our Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

No excuses

Step Five is not about saying: "I hurt these people, but that was because they had hurt me first".

Blaming somebody else - no matter how richly they deserve it - is a way of not fully feeling these feelings of hurt and anger, of toning them down. Because, when you blame others, you are putting our attention on what others are doing. In effect, you are saying: "If it weren't for what you did, it wouldn't have happened."

This step is about admitting to yourself what may be difficult for you to admit.

Admit it!

If you think we're being coerced into "taking responsibility", the image that comes to mind is that of the stern interrogator - the cop who's badgering the suspect to confess ("Admit your wrongs!").

In that context, you will tend to see things as a battle of wills against the tough cop. Your goal will then be to avoid admitting anything incriminating.

Step Five is different.

Taking responsibility for what you do is a way to realize that you are an active agent in the world. In other words, you are not powerless, even if you are not yet aware of the ways in which your power manifests, or if you don't like these ways.

As you get more of a sense of your power, you will be able to redirect it to focus on getting more of what you really want out of life.