Chapter 4

I wished that sometimes I could be like my sister. She was only three years older than me, but it seemed so much more when things were tough. She some how just took everything in her stride, let it happen and then picked up the pieces when it was over. Me, I was different, I fell to pieces when things happened and felt irreparable until I thought nothing bad was going to happen again, but by the time I had recovered from one thing, my Dad had something else on the cards, waiting.

I loved Laura; even though we fought over the slightest thing, said we hated each other often, most of my happiest childhood memories are shared with her. I can’t remember many and the ones I do have are trivial but so important. My Sister and I rarely spoke of our love for one another and still don’t very often face to face, but there has always been some kind of bond which has grown stronger over the years and I will always love her, for the sister she was when I was small and the friend she has become as we’ve matured into adults.

The special times that I will always treasure are those spent at my Auntie Susan’s. She lived in a small but cosy bungalow on the next street to where we lived when my parents were together. It was a quiet cul-de-sac and due to the lack of traffic we could play out all day, come rain or shine. Auntie Susan never worried because she could see us through the big front window which was nearly as big as the front of the bungalow itself!

Laura and Carla would sit on the grass or play on the drive, but I loved Carla’s pram. I’d walk up and down the street for hours with it, after dressing the beautiful blonde haired doll and rocking her till I thought it had been long enough for her to “fall asleep�?- (usually lasting about two minutes!). It was an old pram, almost 1960s looking with big white wheels and made of blue tweed fabric. Everything in it smelt old; the fluffy cream covers with lace trimming, the thickly padded mini mattress, the cream knitted blanket with one silk edge, but they all looked almost new. Auntie Sue always took care of things. The only thing that gave away the age of that pram was the fact that the clips on the hood were slightly rusted and stiff so it took all my effort to pull them up. I only ever did that if I thought my baby would be too hot - which was rare because I liked the pram better with the hood up anyway so most the time the doll suffered, hot or not in my mind, she was wrapped in blankets and all! Occasionally I’d stop in the middle of the street and pretend she was crying but I never shouted or told her she was mardy like my dad did with me, I took her floppy body in my arms and comforted her until she “fell back to sleep�? I liked playing Mummy - a doll became so real in my mind. The little plastic faces were other people to happily chat to in my own world of make-believe.

If there’s one thing that my Auntie Susan has never liked, it’s mess! She would grit and bear it, but you could secretly see her itching to tidy up where we’d left off! When we had made a mess, she made sure we tidied it and we would be constantly reminded until it was done!

One day which will always bring a smile to my face is the time when we’d been playing outside and it started to rain, heavily, but because we were wet she locked the back door and wouldn’t let us back in so we all ended up playing in the garage! The water came down in sheets, thunder grumbled through the clouds and every so often there was a flash of lightening, and I have always been terrified of it but eventually we were allowed inside! To this day we still tease her and laugh about it because it’s a personality trait that has never changed and I love her for it because it is silly things like that which makes small memories extra special.

We stayed there a lot growing up because Auntie Susan often babysat whilst my parents went out. On the odd occasion she’d take us out somewhere as a treat. I loved it, especially in the Summer when it was warm because we’d go to the pub for a drink and be allowed to stay up extra late! One of those times means more to me than anyone could ever imagine, I’m not sure why, but it has always stuck in my mind.

My parents were going out for a meal, so as usual we packed a small bag with pyjamas and a couple of toys and made the short journey to my Auntie Susan’s. It had been a red hot day so we were still wearing shorts and a t-shirt from earlier on even though it was late evening. I remember being excited because we too were going out, which meant I could temporarily remove the slight aching in my heart that I always felt when being away from my Mum for the night.

I grinned as soon as the door was opened! Laura towered above me as she stood at my side - she was quite tall for eight I always thought, but maybe that was because I was only five.

“Where we going?!�?I asked.

“To the Maypole.�?Auntie Sue smiled back

“Awww yeah!�?I squealed, jumping up and down in the kitchen, to the point where everyone told me to calm down, all at the same time! The Maypole was a small pub - I can’t remember where but I know we had to walk up a country road to get to it. It had a big play area on the back with a plastic tree that had a slide coming from it, which I usually slipped down instead of slid! Then there was a sea-saw which I see-sawed on to my heart’s content - or until someone I didn’t know got on the other end! The see-saw and I had a love-hate relationship�?I loved it because the whole concept of feeling my stomach in my throat was so strange, but I hated it because, due to the fact I was so light, sometimes I’d bounce too far and nearly fly off or come back down to seat with such a bump it hurt my bum!

It was the same with the wooden animal things that were attached to the floor by a huge spring - I could have so much fun on them but more often than not I ended up scaring myself witless because I’d spring too hard and nearly go straight over the top. I learnt eventually though, after about the fifth time of doing it!

The playground was like a circuit that night - I ran from one thing to the next; see-saw, swing, slide, big-springy-thing. Then I’d run back to the table for a quick suck on the straw of my “panda pops coke.�?I couldn’t sit still though because eventually the temperature dropped and if I got too cold my finger nails and lips would turn blue! When that happened I looked like the living-dead!

But, no matter how hard I tried, I always managed to fall over! Always! There was never a time where I came back from a place without a cut here or a graze there! I was so clumsy it was almost laughable and I used to hate it when you fall over and you’re not quite sure whether to laugh or cry so they both come out at once. I did that a lot. More often than not though, it was crying that won, but within ten minutes I’d be up and running again, checking every now and again to make sure I wasn’t bleeding to death and my limb was still attached!

I’d been chasing Laura and Carla round the big plastic tree, shouting like a fog horn because they wouldn’t wait for me, forgetting that, just because it made out of plastic, it doesn’t mean it can’t have roots - and yes, you guessed it, I went flying! That was it, I was done for the night. No more running for me. I sat at the wooden picnic table with Auntie Susan, munching my crisps, blowing bubbles in my drink and sulking because something that couldn’t even move had managed to leg me over!

We watched as Laura and Carla swung higher and higher on the swings - I envied them because I couldn’t do that. Regardless of how hard I kicked my legs and pushed myself off the floor, I only swayed slightly and then came to a standstill. I wanted to know what it felt like to make yourself push against the air in stead of having to be pushed. The wind in my hair was one of the best feelings in the world, sometimes I’d close my eyes and lean backwards just to add effect and it made me feel like, really, I was upside down. Feeling sick was no fun after though!

Auntie Sue put her arm round me and I rested my head on her chest, she was warm. I could feel the slight whisper of her breath on my hair when she breathed out.

“Tired?�?She asked, glancing down at me. I nodded and yawned.

“What we doing when we get home?�?I asked, sleepily.

“Well it depends what time we get home - and if you’re that tired, you’ll be off to bed as soon as we get in!�?/P>

“I’m not tired really!�?I piped up, trying to disguise another yawn with a cough.

“Fibber!�?She grinned, ticking me in the ribs.

I half squealed and laughed, “Noooo!�?

Laura and Carla came charging towards the table, out of breath. As they sucked desperately on their straws, still giggling, Auntie Sue looked at me and said, “you two, don’t be too long now ‘cause we’re gonna get going soon.�?/P>

“Awww, but why?!�?they protested.

“Emma’s tired and it’s getting nippy now.�?/P>

Well what time we going?�?Carla asked, sounding annoyed

“We’ll stay till half past�?/P>

“HALF PAST?!�?she retorted

“Yes, half past, so you best go and make the most of the time you have left!�?/P>

.

Slamming their drinks down on the table they ran off to play some more.

“I don’t want to go home Auntie Sue�?Means I’m gonna have to go to bed and I’m really not tired, I’m really not!�?/P>

“Yes, you are�?she said, stroking my hair.

“But I don’t have to go to bed, do I?�?/P>

“We’ll see!�?she looked at me again, her blue eyes glistening as she smiled.

To say my Auntie Sue was my Mum’s sister, they were nothing alike. My Mum’s hair was naturally a dark brown (even though she coloured it a lot of the time), my Auntie Sue’s blonde. My Mum’s eyes were a deep brown whereas Auntie Sue’s were a sea-blue colour. When people were told they were related, many found it hard to believe. But, regardless of how different they were, they were both beautiful and I loved them equally.

After managing to tear Laura and Carla away from the swings we made our way home in the dark, following the roads which were lit by the orangey glow of street lamps. I dragged my feet on the concrete, kicking every stone big enough to kick on the way, as always, rattling on about the night. The fresh air had given me a sudden boost of energy, but my whole body was shivering to high heaven!

“Auntie Suuuuue,�?I giggled, as she put the key in the back door, “I’m not tired anymooooore. Do I still have to go to bed?�?/P>

“Haha�?Weeeeeeell�?she teased, “seeing as your Mum and Dad have gone out, no, but ssshhh, if you tell them I let you two stay up this late they’ll kill me!�?/P>

Again, I was excited�?ANOTHER late night!

We all threw our shoes off and put them neatly in the hallway.

“Why don’t we watch a film?�?Auntie Sue suggested, “Carla darling, go and grab your duvet and you three can lie on the floor and get comfy.�?That sounded like a marvellous idea to me! Carla came back into the lounge with two duvets and three pillows and we all snuggled down as the film began. I can’t remember what we watched, but just as it was about to start, the picture froze. I turned round to see Auntie Sue pointing the remote at the telly with her finger on the pause button.

“Anyone for chocolate?�?

“Aww yes please!�?the three of us smiled.

“Emma, you know where the tub is don’t you sweetheart?�?/P>

Oh yes I did! Within the blink of an eye I was up and racing to the kitchen. I poked my head inside the small fridge and pulled out the little plastic container full of kit kats, breakaways and clubs. We munched away on the floor, being extra careful not to get chocolaty finger prints on the covers.

One thing that always makes me think of that night is my Auntie Sue’s choice of “film food�? I heard the pop of a jar being opened and the clinking of a fork against glass. I gave a quick glance and from what I saw, thought, “what on earth has she got?�?I watched as she fished out pickled onions - I knew what they were, I liked those, but there was something else floating around in the vinegar. ”Uuuurrrggghh CAULIFLOWER!!�?It was pickled unions AND pickled cauliflower - something that I had never seen before in my life and the thought of it sounded revolting!

Out of curiosity I asked what it was, secretly knowing that I’d be offered to try some and even though I knew I didn’t like cauliflower, I wouldn’t refuse the offer if it was given to me. I cringed when the vinegar hit my tongue and crunched the cauliflower loudly, which tasted strangely nicer when it was raw compared to cooked. It wasn’t mushy and it didn’t take “like feet!�?

By the time the film had finished, I think I’d dozed off and woke myself up with a jump three or four times, so when it did come to tossing a fifty pence piece in order to decide who would sleep at the top and the bottom of the bed, or on the floor I didn’t care where I slept, just as long as it was soon!

That memory never fails to remind me that, even though I did have some really rough times growing up, there were a few special, very special moments. Sometimes, spending time with Auntie Susan, Laura and Carla, it felt as though time could stop for a while, because there was always just the four of us, no interruptions, no shouting (unless there was a genuine reason for it) and we were all just children - even Auntie Susan at times!