Chapter 12

The first time I had any contact with my Dad again came as a huge shock. This is where the timing gets a bit complicated though because I can’t remember which order things came in, but I can still feel those emotions as if they were yesterday.

It was ninth birthday. I went to school that morning full of excitement because I was finally a year older - as a child it’s always good to be a year older - and being one of the youngest in the class meant that I’d had longer to wait than most people. The weather was warm, as expected for mid July and I guess, everything just seemed like it was going to be a good day. Again, as a child, birthdays were meant to be good days.

The whistle blew in the playground and the swarms of children in the junior building all made their way into line. I was in class 4, Mr Mason was still my teacher. I liked him, he was firm but fair and made lessons interesting most of the time, but this year school lacked the excitement that Mrs Roberts had always managed to fill her lessons with. I knew I would still miss him when he left at the end of the school term though and that wasn’t too far away.

He was a tall man with a deep voice and full head of thick dark hair which joined down his face into a moustache and beard. He could shout very loud when there was a reason to as well, which scared me, but he was usually calm and could often share a joke or two if he was in the mood. Like most teachers, if you stayed on the right side of him and did as you were asked, there wouldn’t be a problem. I tried to do that with everyone. I didn’t like being on the bad side of anybody, unless of course, they knew the real bad side of me and not many people did.

In single file and class by class we made our way into the building, which was old, made from huge rough stones with arch-shaped windows - almost like a small church. Another reason why I liked being in my class was because we always got to go in first due to the fact that we were lower down the school. The year 5 and 6 children all had to scramble down the long corridor and fight for their coat hooks at the end near the fire escape, but our class had our coat hooks in the classroom which was another bonus!

I walked hand in hand with my best friend Sarah and we ran into the room to put our lunch boxes away and coats on pegs. Sarah was a nice girl; I’d known her since Nursery, we had a lot in common and I used to go round to her house sometimes after school. She lived at the top of a big dirt track which was rather deceptive on first appearances because you’d expect to see small houses at the top or something like that, but it was completely different to anything I had ever seen before! She lived next door to her Grandma and their houses were almost identical in size and layout (because I’d been in both!) and around both houses they had the HUGEST garden I had ever seen in my whole life - in fact I still don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so big!

It’s quite hard to describe, but surrounding them there was a front garden which led round to the back garden which was a normal looking lawn - they had a fish pond too which was something I could only ever dream of having and she was the only person at the time who I knew had one. After the long lawns they had a greenhouse where Sarah’s Granddad used to grow things, after that they had a big lumpy space of grass which had a cabbage patch to one side, they even had a goat called Becky because the garden was so big, but they eventually had to sell her for eating all of Sarah’s Granddad’s vegetables! After the goat and the vegetables there was even more grass! I’m not kidding, from the top of that garden you could only just see the house! I envied her for that garden, it was unlike anything I had ever had.

I loved it - it was great for playing hide and seek! Looking back we were very unfair with that game though because we always used to make Sarah’s little sister, Sam be the one to seek while we hid, but we never stayed in one place and we never split up either so it soon turned into a game of chase!

Sarah was a lot quieter than me - particularly when we were younger - that’s probably why she got asked to be quiet in class less often than I did! It’s strange because although we had things in common with the things we liked and the things we didn’t, we were so opposite personality wise. I was very loud, she was very quiet, I could be shy around new people, Sarah was always shy around new people�?Yet somehow we complimented each other so well - I mean, we must have done because we ended up being friends right up until we left secondary school, which would make it 12 years.

Birthdays were the best with me and Sarah too because she was born 2 days before me and our Mum’s were in hospital together. She came to all my birthday parties, we had endless sleepovers and always ended up giggling till the early hours of the morning. Like every friendship we did have our ups and downs but I did think we’d always be friends.

I didn’t even consider for a moment that this birthday would be any different to the ones I’d had so far. I expected to have a normal day at school filled with the buzz of being nine, to go home and have family over, maybe a few friends for tea�?Just a simple day, but once more I was wrong.

We started the lesson with Maths or English; I remember it was one of those because we used to have booklets that we had to work our way through and they were different colours for each level with a big snake on the front which curled from the bottom of the page to the top. There was a big box to write your name in - and mine was either full because my writing was huge, or near enough empty because my writing was so small! I had spent the last couple of years trying my hardest to get it somewhere in the middle but no matter how hard I tried it just didn’t work!

I sat at the table near the back of the room - with my back to the massive book case which separated the main part of the classroom from the part where we kept our stash of belongings. We’d been asked to get on with our booklets so that we could move onto the more advanced work when we came back to school after the Summer holidays.

I can’t remember who I would have been sat with or what I talked about - but knowing me it probably would have been my usual over-excited banter about the presents I’d opened that morning or my plans for the evening, or even something completely random like what my favourite song was at the time. I still am and was very predictable, I say what I think when I think it so really it could have been anything!

I always used to lean quite low onto the table when I did my writing - why I don’t know, I guess it was just the way I felt comfortable. The class was pretty quiet at the time and I saw one of the boys, Joseph his name was, raise his hand and ask if he could go to his bag to fetch his pencil sharpener. I watched as he got up from his chair and then put my head back down to the table to get on with my work. The next thing I knew, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, it was Joseph. I can still feel the same blank expression that I wore on my face when I saw him stood there, because we didn’t particularly get on at all so I didn’t understand why he’d want to speak to me for any reason.

“I found these in my bag.�?That was all he said as he handed me a thick pile of envelopes, all with my name on. I was the only Emma in my class so there couldn’t have been any mistake.

Nothing clicked in my mind to start with. I took the smallest from the pile, tore open the envelope. I was excited because I was at school and I had a surprise! I’d always liked surprises if they were good ones, or when it was meant to be a surprise but I could guess what it would be. This time I had no idea though. As I opened the card I skimmed the short verse inside and then looked at the name on the bottom. It was from Auntie Cyn.

I took another from the pile. Tore open the envelope. Skimmed the verse. It was from my Great Nanna and Granddad.

The next one was from my Dad’s Mum and Dad - Grandma Marge and Granddad Brian. I’d missed the days out I used to have with my Granddad more than ever - each one was always to a different place with different things to do, but each one always brought a smile to my face which was just as big as the last. I felt so close to him as a child, he always used to say that I was clever and I’d grow up to be a model or something big along those lines! I’d missed the fact that whenever he saw me, he’d instantly outstretch his arms and pout his lips for a kiss and when I ran to him he’d squeeze me really tight like he never wanted to let me go. Then he’d smile, as though that one moment had just made his day.

By now my heart was starting to pound, I felt the beats getting bigger and faster with every breath I took. Sarah just looked at me, saying nothing, but I think she secretly understood what was happening already. As it usually did when I was nervous, frightened or generally a complete mess, my leg shook uncontrollably under the table. Part of me wished this was a dream, somehow.

“To A Wonderful Niece�?the next one read - it was from my Dad’s sister - my Auntie Louise and her Husband Jay.

I don’t know how many there were exactly but I do remember the last one I opened, this time slow, as if giving fate a chance to change the words on the inside, or for me to be pinched and woken up.

“To A Special Daughter�?At that point I felt as though my heart was being squashed between someone’s fist. I stared blankly at the white page in my hands. I could feel my eyes beginning to sting and then the last line hit me with such an immense force that I could no longer control my urge to cry.

“Hope to see you soon�?/P>

Those five simple words broke me. I didn’t know whether I was happy or not when I read them. Three years I had waited for this and now it had come I wasn’t sure how to feel, what to say, anything. Everything just blurred into one, like an oil painting. I dropped the card onto the desk, put my hands to my face and sobbed. Immediately half the class was round my table to see what all the fuss was about. I felt Sarah’s hand on my shoulder and vaguely heard Mr Mason approaching and asking people to leave me alone.

Again, I didn’t understand�?Why? Why like this?

I guess you’re probably wondering how those cards got into my classmate’s bag when I wasn’t even friends with him? Well, his Mum worked on a bag stall in the town’s indoor market and my Dad’s Mum owned the flower stall in there too�?So my Grandma asked his Mum to pop them in his bag that morning - of course he knew nothing about it either.

My Mum was furious. After picking me up and finding out what had happened, she went back down to the playground and gave his Mum a piece of her mind. To this day she still hasn’t forgiven her and I can’t stand the woman either to be honest. Every time I walk past her she gives me filthy looks or completely blanks me, but I give just as good as I get! I don’t see her very often though because I avoid her stall like the plague! Although it wasn’t exactly her fault, she had no right to do what she did, simple as that.

That’s the only part of my birthday I remember. I don’t know what I did that evening or whether I had my tea party with friends and family over. It’s strange how only half of a memory can dominate your mind and make you forget the rest.

I don’t know whether I had seen my Dad at any point before then. I knew I had visited him for a while just after my parents split but I don’t know how long for. The clearest memory I have of that time is being sat around our plastic patio table in the kitchen (we’d had to use that because Lady had chewed our wooden one) with my Dad eating an Indian. No one else was there, just us, but the house was cold and looked bare. It felt weird to be sat there, as though it wasn’t my house and it had never been mine.

I do remember seeing my Dad again properly for the first time though and just writing about it makes my heart melt. It’s pretty vague I must admit, but the clippings I do have in my mind are so special.

I remember walking into my Auntie Cyn’s very old fashioned living room with my Mum following close behind me. The coal fire was lit as it always had been, they still had the old bronze bucket on the hearth which held the little matching sweeping brush and dustpan that I’d always used to sweep the ashes up with when I stayed there. My Auntie Cyn was sat in the chair in the corner, just in front of the mini grandfather clock, my great nanna sat in her chair in front of the window, which to this day is still her chair and my Dad sat right in the middle of the settee.

I smiled and my heart was pounding, half with excitement and half with sheer anxiousness! This had been a long time coming and I’d had no idea what to expect.

“Y’alright duck?�?my Dad smiled as he turned round to face me.

“Yeah.�?I felt shy but carried out my usual routine of going round the room and giving hugs. When I hugged my Dad I instantly remembered how strong he was. He had the build and the look of a bouncer - the guys that you see outside pubs on a Saturday night with shaved heads, wearing black suits. I love that about my Dad, he is really handsome and he always makes an effort when we go anywhere.

I think my Mum left after a while to pick me up later on. I’m not sure though.

I remember being sat next to him with a colouring book and I had one of the children’s diaries with a tiny padlock and key, but of course, me being me I’d lost the padlock and kept the keys for some reason. Typical me, that is! It had a teddy on the front holding a bunch of flowers and I’d never used it as a diary, more of something to scribble in, but I liked it. I don’t know what we did, I don’t know what we talked about, I just remember being sat with him. I was my Daddy’s little girl again.

The last memory I have of that day is the most precious. I was sat with my legs crossed because I was absolutely dying for the toilet! I ran upstairs to use the bathroom. I ran back down the stairs and plonked myself on the sofa next to my Dad. I found my pen inside my diary and opened it at the page�?In front of me in my Dad’s scrawled handwriting, which always seemed to be sort of spread out, really wide letters, I found his phone number, with something like “call me�?or “see you soon�?beneath it and signed with “love you, Dad�?

I can still remember the first 4 digits�?/P>

And from that moment on my life took another turn. At last, I had what I’d always wanted and even though there have been a mixture of good times and bad times since then, I couldn’t have asked for anything more and I could never imagine my life without my Dad. Being there as a child was so difficult and no matter what happens in my life now, I’m never going to let him go again. My Dad will always be my Dad.

He may have left my life for a while, but he had the courage to come back and right his mistakes�?That is something I will always respect him for.

(C) 2007 - EJJ