Chapter 13

I can’t remember where we lived when I first started seeing my Dad again either. We moved around so many times within the space of four years that I lost track of how old I was when we moved to each new place. I think (although I’m not sure) we still lived on Hazel Street - it was probably a few months before we moved out due to a girl from down the road coming up to me with a Stanley knife and asking me to touch the blade. Luckily my Mum had seen everything through our front room window and told me to come inside. That was the reason we moved out in the end.

The first time we met after the day at my Auntie Cyn’s house is once again quite vague, but the images I have got are still so clear. We didn’t do anything particularly special, in fact, we went to Mc Donald’s! How I loved that place back then, because I didn’t have the chance to go there very often, only usually for friends�?birthdays or if Mum and Chris couldn’t be bothered to cook. There was a particular smell that always used to fill my nostrils that made my mouth water and whenever I had my occasional hamburger happy meal with strawberry milkshake or Coca Cola sat in front of me on the table, I was a happy girl! By the time I went there with my Dad though, I’d acquired a taste for something different on the menu - the Mc Chicken Sandwich. I can honestly say he was rather surprised when I told him that that was what I’d like - and even more shocked when I finished it all.

To this day, when I go to that same Mc Donald’s (which still isn’t very often), I can tell anyone the exact place where we sat.

That day he also told me about Tracy, his new girlfriend and her son Jamie. I was on his shoulders in the middle of town when he slipped it into the conversation just as we walked past a photo printing shop. A very random memory I know! At the time I don’t think I was particularly bothered to be honest - at that age I still didn’t get what girlfriends and boyfriends were anyway, even after everything I’d been through with my Mum and Chris.

One thing I will always remember is my Dad’s big yellow van. It was a transit van that he used for work, full of tools, wood, ladders - everything that you could ever think a window fitter might need! He’d pick me up and all the way to wherever we were going the whole thing would rattle, so much so that on some occasions it sounded like the van itself could fall to pieces any second. Going over speed bumps was often worse because sometimes he wouldn’t bother slowing down which resulted in an extra loud “clunk�?and an aching head if I bounced high enough from the seat to hit mine on the roof!

I don’t know how often I saw my Dad to begin with - I think it was mainly most weekends and I’m quite sure I started to see a lot more of my Auntie Cyn and my Great Grandparents, which was something I had missed terribly.

During the time I hadn’t seen that part of my family, my Auntie Louise, who was my Dad’s younger Sister, had had her own baby - a little girl called Jodie. Apparently my Auntie and Uncle used to visit me at Stoneyford Road with her sometimes just after my parents had split up but I can’t remember. I know that they sent me a picture of her when she was seven months old, which was probably when I was just turning eight. People have always said that she’s exactly like me for as long as I can think of.

I finally felt as though I had my family back, everything seemed to be falling into place. I remember the first time I ever saw Tracy - again, not surprisingly at my favourite place, my Auntie Cyn’s house. It was my tenth Birthday and the only reason I remember that is because the girl who lived next door came over to play and hid every packet of Chewits out of a big box of them that my Mamma Marge had bought me, so twelve packets of fizzy green Chewits were scattered around the garden somewhere. As well as that Granddad came up to me grinning like a Cheshire cat announcing in my ear that I was now in “double figures�? He really did make me giggle!

I have so many special memories because of him and what makes them so special is the fact that they are just ours. My favourite one has to be the time when we went to Pets�?Corner - it was a little place where you could feed animals and play all day till your heart was content! I loved every second! I fed the goats, who bit my fingers, got chased by a swan so Granddad had to grab me and run for his life and then the funniest part is, when we went for lunch and he asked me whether I wanted a biscuit, my little four year old self came out with “I want a proper dinner!�?right in the middle of a packed café! Makes me smile every time!

I never had any expectations of how I thought Tracy would be, never tried to imagine what she looked like or anything - I don’t know why that is - but from what my Dad had told me about her I thought she sounded nice. It was a hot day that day, Summers were always hot when I was a child and I was out playing on my Auntie Cyn’s garden (probably trying to find those Chewits!), when I heard someone shout my name. It was my Dad. I ran at him and threw myself into his arms.

He kissed me on the cheek, wished me happy birthday and smiled.

“This is Tracy�?

She smiled at me and gave a cheerful “Eyup�?(which is Midlands slang for hello!) and hugged me. I think I was pretty shy, but nonetheless, I hugged her back and strangely enough it didn’t feel awkward. I thought she was a very pretty lady, quite glamorous too. She had nice hair, nails, make-up and a tan. I could tell that she liked to look nice and she pulled it off well. First impressions, I liked her.

I met Jamie too. I can’t remember much though, apart from the fact that he had blonde hair and we played catch with a tennis ball all afternoon - believe it or not, it was a lot of fun, apart from the fact that I found it difficult to talk and keep my eye on the ball at the same time!

Before my Dad and Tracy left, I was asked if I would like to stay over at their house some time. I accepted and we agreed that something would be arranged soon. I knew that that would take our relationship to a whole new level and I couldn’t help but be excited as well as completely terrified!

From that day on my family only ever grew - we were far from the perfect family don’t get me wrong, but I was just glad to have the other half of mine back and be a part of what I used to be.

My life up until that point had always had something missing and even though I still didn’t understand everything and I still had parts of me that weren’t in place, they didn’t seem to matter as much anymore because I no longer had to blame myself. Around that time everyone, including me, was happy and that was all that mattered.

That is just about the only stage of my life that I can remember, where nothing major shadowed the twelve months between one year and the next, no matter how small some of those things are, that was the flash where nothing grey existed.

My life was all change once more. A new beginning of a new decade.

(C) 2007 - EJJ