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New Poems Pge 3 : Fair Maidens
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 Message 1 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSatinbear04  (Original Message)Sent: 4/14/2005 2:47 PM
Sunlight dances off the tress,
The leaves whisper in the breeze.
A maiden sits and crys,
She feels she may die as she wipes the crimson tears from her eyes.
 
She feels so alone, even in her own home.
She hates this heart which is her own.
Lying awake at night dreaming of taking the long sleep,
Dreaming of finding a sweet release as she weeps.
 
No one really knows this maiden,
They see her smile, they do not know the pain from where it stems.
They do not know what they are doing to her,
That they are slowly killing her.
 
At night she sits alone,
She cradles her phone,
Staring long and hard,
Praying for a magic number to appear.
Someone who will answer her calls for help, who will save her and take her away from here.
 
But what this maiden does not know is that she's not alone,
There is another maiden out there also wishing she could just dissapear.
She has deep brown eyes and fair hair,
This maiden also feels dispair.
 
They are both one and the same,
Maidens with love to give,
Maidens in pain,
Maidens who feel shame.
 
Now fate has saved these two souls,
Bought them together, and made them whole.
Two hearts beating together,
Two minds working in unison,
This is a soul mate reuinion!


For Emma (Bouncingfluff)

Please feel free to leave comments, I am looking to improve my poetry.


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Reply
 Message 2 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 4/14/2005 2:53 PM
Hi Toni, I think this is a lovely and very accomplished poem - really enjoyed the read, and welcome to the site
 
Emma (Not Fluff)
 

Reply
 Message 3 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSatinbear04Sent: 4/14/2005 2:59 PM
Hiya, Thank you very much Emma  and I'm glad to be here.

Reply
 Message 4 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameZydhaSent: 4/14/2005 5:10 PM
I have read my way through your posts, Toni, lol, and I think I have got to know you better!!!
 
This is indeed a good poem, as Emma, says but I have said to Fluff so many times (ask her, lol) try to keep the lines a little shorter or even drop some of the longer ones so they slip down the page more smoothly.
 
Now I can welcome you too, as this was your first post, Hy, and hope you enjoy the corner, Zydha

Reply
 Message 5 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSatinbear04Sent: 4/14/2005 5:58 PM
Ah.... I always wondered why Fluff doesn't have many long lines in her poetry lol. Although I personally must admit I do not like dropping lines down etc, but I will give it ago. Thank you for all your comments and the welcome. I think I will like it here.  Luv Toni x

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