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New Poems Pge 3 : Tomorrow....A poem of child abuse.
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 Message 1 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSatinbear04  (Original Message)Sent: 4/14/2005 2:55 PM
Shivering on the floor,
One punch,
Then one more.
My nose is bleeding and my skins been torn,
I'm lying here all falorn.
 
Twisting, screaming, aching and crying,
slowly, slowly, dieing.
The daggers go in once more,
Deeper, deeper, till they can go no more.
Her life has gone, her soul has died.
 
Everyone remembers this childs crys,
She cried for your help, she cried for your love,
But each of you were to ignorant or tough.
You heard the banging and shouting next door,
But you left it and left it and ignored.
 
Now as the ambulance drives away you know tomorrow will be a peaceful day...



I feel very passionately about child abuse and I would love to know your comments on this poem. Thank you x


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 Message 2 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameZydhaSent: 4/14/2005 4:50 PM
Child abuse is a dreadful act, Tony, you make the reader so aware of this suffering.
 
Again, another which may come over in the third person a little easier to accept. I have read this twice now and you really have caught the anguish of the ignored child's plight so well, Zydha

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 Message 3 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameForestFlower5893Sent: 4/14/2005 5:25 PM
Child abuse is such an emotive subject and wrenches everyone hearts.  The unimaginable terror that these children go through.  It is a passionate response, but how else can anyone be but passionate in the face of a childs death.  A good strong poem.
 
Emma

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 Message 4 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBouncing_FluffSent: 4/14/2005 5:29 PM
Hey baby,
 
You've shown me this one before, and it is a really hard hitting poem. It shocked me when I read it for the first time to be honest, not only because of how it is so forceful in what it says, but because of the fact that it is so true in some cases. Sad really, makes me wonder how it ever got to that stage.
 
Lv, Em.

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 Message 5 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSatinbear04Sent: 4/14/2005 5:55 PM
Hi Zy, I'm glad that the meant message of this poem comes across so well and that you like it. Child abuse is something which should never be ignored.
Hi Emma, you are right in what you say, and I'm glad you like my poem
Hi Em, the poem is meant to shock and to get to peoples hearts in hope that maybe more people will fight against such a dreadful thing. Do you know that we give more money to animal charitys then to human charitys?
Tahnks again to everyone for your comments they mean a lot to me. I will try your 3rd person idea Zy .
Luv Toni xx

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 Message 6 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameToo_many_whys_Sent: 4/14/2005 7:34 PM
Hi,

You wrote about this without actually 'blaming' people for it, though we all know who is to blame. I liked the line 'But you left it and left it and ignored' emmensely - wonder if perhaps ending it there would make this even stronger. It probably seems like I'm wrong to say that considering it's about child abuse, just my opinion.
 
I enjoyed how it's written in a neat tight way,
 
Katy

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 Message 7 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSatinbear04Sent: 4/14/2005 8:13 PM
Hiya Katy thanks for your comment. And I'm not sure, I think both endings would fit nicely :) Glad you liked the poem, thanks for commenting luv Toni x

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