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| (1 recommendation so far) | Message 1 of 9 in Discussion |
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Strip her bare On the bathroom tiles, Remove every layer So gently, only to Reach the core of All that she has become. Stare deep into Those eyes, Vacant windows To the soul, Undressed and ashamed Of what they can No longer hide. Fear the image Of what you might see, But don’t be afraid, For the pain Only makes her Human. Strawberry gashes, Laced with A twisted perfection, Carved into milky skin, Drawn onto innocence In its purest form. Like a child, she sees The hidden beauty, Mixed With so much insanity. Every rule is broken As you hold her, Weeping On the bathroom tiles. You cry together, Fearless and yet So terrified, But don’t be afraid, For the pain Only makes her Human. - ©2005 Emma J J - Hiya everyone, I noticed that Toni has posted a lot of poetry on here today (yay! hehe,) that is particularly based on subjects that effect society a great deal, so here's my version. It is based on true events, about a subject that I hold extremely closely to my heart for various reasons. I would appreciate any feedback though, as always. Thanks for reading, lv Fluff. |
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Reading this poem, my heart jumped into my throat as this is a subject that touches me deeply, as you know... Reading the words, the memory, the images come back perfectly formed in my mind. You have catured the incident very well, but I am still "afarid for the pain." Your writing continues to astound me. Luv Toni xx |
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Hiya Hunny, this wasn't a particularly easy poem to write, not like most of the others I usually write anyway, cos sometimes they just seem to flow onto my page. This one didnt. I still dont get why my writing "astounds" you so much... You can write just as well as I can, and youve had loads of comments on here today. Thanks for commenting though. Love, Em xx |
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Hi Fluff, I like the analogy of 'strip her bare' and 'on the bathroom tiles' - it brings a starkness to the piece - You give a sense of the trauma with the vacant eyes. A good write, well done Emma |
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Hiya Emma, I'm really pleased that you liked this poem, I wasnt too sure of it to begin with. I guess it always helps to have a second opinion on things.The vacant eyes idea came from something that I remembered someone saying to me once. "Vacant heart, Vacant eyes, Vacant kisses, Vacant lies." thanks again, your comments are always appreciated, lv Fluff. |
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Your poetry astounds me because it's very good! lol. And I don't think I can write half as good as you can :) xxxx |
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| | From: Zydha | Sent: 4/15/2005 4:14 AM |
Now this is effective, Fluff, it opens as Emma says, grabbing the readers imagination immediately and ends as it should, with sadness in thought. This is a problem which has it's medical definition, but the cause is definately one of todays social problems which really does need understanding. (btw like the 'shorter, clipped' lines, it adds to the emphasis, imo, so you were listening!lol) A very good piece, luv, Zy |
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Hiya Zy, Thanks for reading and commenting on this. I'm glad that the poem does do what I hoped it would. This topic is something that I have always felt very strongly about, not just because of how it effected my life, but because there are so many other people who are effected by it. It has an impact on not just the person themself, but families, friends - anyone who is connected to that individual in any way. It isnt something which is easy to understand either, like you have said. When such a thing became a part of my life it was because of bullying and other things that you know of, and there are an endless list of causes for it, which again, are linked to every individual. I would love to help other people who have been in my situation, because there are so many who are crying out for help in so many ways. Thanks again Zy, pleased you found this piece of a good standard. I do listen to any advice you give. lol Love Fluff. |
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Thanks for the compliment Toni. Yes you can write as well as I can. |
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