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New Poetry Pge 7 : oh lead me away without sound
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Reply
(3 recommendations so far) Message 1 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamemakhala334  (Original Message)Sent: 1/31/2008 9:19 PM
wouldst thou cradle-me down to ends of the earth
where hades and heaven rage in roiling surf
where the screaming of death imbue screams of rebirth
oh lead me to where i am found
 
wouldst thou fly me to depths of blinkin�?and nod
draw me to heights caressing locks of the gods
to slay human hate on the sting of the rod
oh lead me to where i am bound
 
wouldst thou fall-me from cerulean sky
drag me in snarling swamp ‘til i smother and die
wouldst thou sever my throat if-i would-dare cry
oh lead me to where i am ground
 
kill the bly-fighter kill them like flies
kill the sic-savage as they’re caught in a lie
kill then by virtue �?an eye for an eye
oh lead me away without sound
 
wouldst thou mercifully grant-me a last solemn desire
where my soul’s nay forgotten or frittered in fire
and my mettle was loving though my destiny dire
oh leave me the fox not the hound
 
wouldst thou cradle-me down to ends of the earth
where there’s sly-slur and sweet-valour ‘neith roiling dearth
where the screaming of living imbue screams at our mirth
oh lead me to where i can drown
 
wouldst-thou wish-me-off as red-kite’s final dive
falling in silence �?no language �?no cries
a dull thud on the earth �?no wasted good-bye’s
oh take-me to where her heart pound
 
wouldst thou cradle-me down to ends of the earth
where hades and heaven rage in roiling surf
where the screaming of death imbue screams of rebirth
oh lead me to where i am found
 
no marks will there be on me mound
 
-
 
not done so very well - i think the stanza are out of order somehow - but this is what came to me during the early morning hours this morning
 
the inspiration came when thinking about the armies of history - and how - so many soldiers have been conditioned and sent to battle for so many reasons/excuses - and - how important it is for those soldiers to square their purpose with themselves in the end - preserving their hmaniity
 
i know - it is obscure - but then i do not communicate well . . . . . . .
 
best wishes,
m


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Reply
The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 4 of 18 in Discussion 
Sent: 2/1/2008 2:15 AM
This message has been deleted by the author.

Reply
 Message 5 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamemakhala334Sent: 2/1/2008 2:16 AM
hy Zy - thank you
 
yes - something like what you say
 
how about this
 
wouldst thou hasten my fall from cerulean sky
plunge me 'neith swamp ‘til i smother and die
wouldst thou sever my throat if-i would-dare cry
oh lead me to where i am ground
 
i can accept the 7th as ok
 
thanks for the help
 
best, always
m

Reply
The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 6 of 18 in Discussion 
Sent: 2/1/2008 2:21 AM
This message has been deleted by the author.

Reply
 Message 7 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamemakhala334Sent: 2/1/2008 2:22 AM
 
ooooo - i also like 'underground' instead of 'ground'
 
m

Reply
 Message 8 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameZydhaSent: 2/1/2008 2:37 AM
Hy, was just about to sign out, lol...but
 
yes, I feel that is smoother in rhythm in that line and I like the wording better also, Mikhail,
but not sure about 'under'ground, it breaks the pattern and is not really necessary (I think).
 
'oh lead me to where i am ground'... leaves more than just one interpretation for your reader,
 
'night again, lol, Zy
 
 

Reply
 Message 9 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamemakhala334Sent: 2/1/2008 2:46 AM
ah yes dear Zy
 
'underground' didn't do it - so - changed it back to 'ground'
 
it will be better one of these days
 
best, always,
m

Reply
 Message 10 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameVocalDixSent: 2/1/2008 12:15 PM
it was excellent to me mikhail any way it goes!  roil reminds me of waves or turmoil twisting. 

Reply
 Message 11 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamemakhala334Sent: 2/1/2008 3:24 PM
hi Dixie
 
thank you for taking the time to read and comment this work
 
your image of roiling fits well with mine in writing this piece
 
best wishes,
m

Reply
 Message 12 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekayano8Sent: 2/1/2008 7:49 PM
oh read this a few times       quite a stunning piece of work sir 
xxx

Reply
 Message 13 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamebunnsosoftSent: 2/1/2008 8:46 PM
Makhala, I think this is one of your best, although it was written about war, it could be for any walk of life...it touched a cord in me...beautiful write, perfect in every way...thank you for sharing it...Bravo...
 
Mariaxx

Reply
 Message 14 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamemakhala334Sent: 2/2/2008 7:16 AM
thank you kayano - you are too kind
 
best,
m

Reply
 Message 15 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamemakhala334Sent: 2/2/2008 7:18 AM
i can now see what you are saying Maria
 
the obsecurity of this price is perhaps because it is applicable to some other situations i hadn't thought of
 
thank you,
m

Reply
 Message 16 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameCara_inSpiritSent: 2/2/2008 11:31 AM
 I love this even more reading it a third time
love and hugs
Cara

Reply
 Message 17 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamemakhala334Sent: 2/2/2008 2:20 PM
thank you so much Cara - you honour me by taking the time to read this multiple times
 
much appreciated
 
best, always, my friend,
m

Reply
 Message 18 of 18 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameZydhaSent: 2/3/2008 9:07 AM
I have just done the same, Mikhail, as I often do with deeper reads
and again enjoyed your wordskill immensely.
 
You handle a very sensitive subject well in this piece, it is  a wonder which often occurs to me....
how do human beings who follow orders as soldiers, then as family folk deal with the aftermath of memories.
Yes, like Cara, I enjoyed this piece yet again,
reading more and more into your words each time, thanks, Zy

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