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"Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children." "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church." "Evening massage - 6 PM" "The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for pancake breakfast next Sunday morning." "The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession." "Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door." "Ushers will eat latecomers." "The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment." "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs." "The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience." "The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy." "During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit." "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday." "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience." "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing service will be discontinued until further notice." "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community." "The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement noon Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy." "The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her." "Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why." "Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir." "Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow." "Don't let worry kill you off--let the church help." "The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11." "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones." "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir." "Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child." "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. Please use large double door at the side entrance." |
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