thanks cass for haveing a place like this.
as you know i have been haveing a war with my brother. and though i try to not let his baggring get to me i guess it has. i spent the last mounths talking to friends and family. trying to find out what it is that people see in me.
my brother is the only one out of all of them to speek ill of me. my roommate said words that i did not see until now.
there come a time in everyones life where they have to take a good look at themself to find the truth. i have done that and have seen it though thoses that call me friend.
i have listioned to storys of my youth talked with couslers i one had as a kid talked with teachers and students of the schools i had gone to.
one thing remains the same with all of them. i was known as the person that looked out for everyone. who got into fights and would be there the very next day to try and work amends. i never hated anyone even if they gave me resons to hate them.
i fell into many bad things because i would belive what someone would tell me as truth. i would sacrfice myself to keep others out of troble. i want to belive thart everyone tells the truth. as my roommate like to say i am palidanesc. i want to belive things so much that i have trouble when it turn out not to be true. he says that i am unlike anything he has met before because i live my belifes. because of this i have made myself the virtrual door mat the person that people will take advange of. what is funny is that all the people i have talked to have said simular things. i am not sure what to belive anymore. i guess i am writeing this because of that and because you seems to be one of the people that i trust to tell me the truth and that i have reveled my darkest secrets to. i don't want to be someone speacal. i don't want to be alone in this. so many people i know say the things that i have known but never wanted to face. though the trials of life i have stood. so i guess it is time that i place all the words together that remain the same though out everyone that knows me.
truthful, trustful, marder, easy to hurt but hard to defeat, paldin, the one that would give her life just to give another an another chance at life, embraced by evil but abile to walk away unscathed,
that last part i don't think is true because i do h ave the wounds from the battle with evil. unlike my brother thinks i am not waiting for a knight to come save me. i was i admit that but i know there is no knight. besides i want others to be happy and will back off fade into the shadows just so they can be. that is just who i am i don't know why. i never knew that so many people remember my personalty, but the worst thing is that they have yet to remember my face.
anyway i may write more here in time as i wonder the path to find out what this life wants from me.
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