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: Lt. Linda takes a broom to Sarge |
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| | | From: Sarge (Original Message) | Sent: 10/5/2008 10:10 PM |
Sarge and Lt. Linda Saga # 97 Now Lt. Linda is a nice little Alabama gal and of more or less even temperment. Not to say she doesn't get her back up every now and then but the most that happens is she tosses a few dishes on the floor. Nothing real violent. And she hasn't hit Sarge yet with a dish. Real poor shot. But the other night she had Sarge wondering what happened to his sweet little Southern Belle. It happened like this. Sarge is sleeping peacefully, dreaming about deer and elk, guns and bows and classic cars. His usual dreams. OK throw in a couple of long haired blonds in there sometimes. And that was what was on Sarges sleeping mind when all of a sudden Lt. Linda JUMPS OUT OF BED! And grabs a big stick (broom) and standing over a sleepy eyed Sarge raises it over her head and STRIKES! the ceiling two or three times. NO Honey, I didn't buy a new gun, honest! mumbles Sarge, and I don't even know the blondes name. WHAP WHAP WHAP, she lands blow after blow, all of them missing Sarge as she hits the ceiling time after time. Then the now wide awake Sarge sees a black spot in front of his eyes. Coming closer and closer and closer. A BIG BLACK SPIDER!! And he is jumping to freedom from LT. Linda's frantic blows! And of course Sarge is right under his landing zone. Thanks to Sarge's terrific physical condition and exceptional reflexes he leaps out of the bed, knocking everything off the night stand. But he avoids Lt. Linda's death blow landing right where he was laying and unfortunately right where the now deceased spider lays smashed. "Gulp" thinks Sarge, that could have been me. Don't mess with this little lady. But there is nothing more fun then making a bed with your lady at 2 am in the morning. Especially if you wrinkle it up a few times and have to make it again. A happy ending if I ever seen one. Sarge the almost victim. |
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Sounds like you're none the worse for wear Sarge. Just remember that the female homosapian (vaginus minus-penis) is inherently a wild animal that will turn on you in a blink of an eye! Oh, they may seem domesticated - occasionally - but they can become wild, woman-beasts in a heartbeat that revert back to basic instincts when threatened. THEY CAN'T BE TAMED!!!! Oh, uh, glad to hear the spider didn't get you. Good job Lt. Linda! |
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| | | From: Sarge | Sent: 10/12/2008 6:05 AM |
I guess spyders was on her mind. The week before she showed me several bites on her arm that she said was spider bites. But I put them off to being chigger bites, after all we had just come back from Sioux City, Iowa. And I remember well how our legs and around our waist we would have chigger bites all summer long when I lived there. But something woke her in the middle of the night and she looked up and saw the dark spot. That was all she needed. I honestly think she totally forgot about me laying in the bed next to her. All she could see was that creepy, crawling, biting spider. Sorta like a soldier develops tunnel vision when in a battle. And she definately declaired war on 8 legged creepies. Sarge |
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| | From:  MsElle3 | Sent: 10/14/2008 4:28 AM |
Do I know you ?
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Lt. Linda takes a broom to Sarge
Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2008 18:49:15 -0700
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Lt. Linda takes a broom to Sarge
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| From: arak1547 |
Sounds like you're none the worse for wear Sarge. Just remember that the female homosapian (vaginus minus-penis) is inherently a wild animal that will turn on you in a blink of an eye! Oh, they may seem domesticated - occasionally - but they can become wild, woman-beasts in a heartbeat that revert back to basic instincts when threatened. THEY CAN'T BE TAMED!!!! Oh, uh, glad to hear the spider didn't get you. Good job Lt. Linda! | |
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Hi Sarge,
We're hearing stories of a spider that is now in Alberta called a Hobo spider. Apparently, it's bite is like that of a brown recluse. It supposed to get red and swollen for a time, then the area around the bite mark slowly falls away or dies leaving a gaping wound that doesn't heal for months. I looked this up and found that entomologists at the University of Alberta have confirmed the spider's existance in the lower half of the province. They say that the spider inhabits buildings and warm locations. It is described as dark to tan brown and having chevron-like markings on it's abdomen. The spider is supposed to get as large as a dime in size. I've been watching for it. So far, all I've seen are wolf spiders about that same size.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Lt. Linda takes a broom to Sarge
Date: Sat, 11 Oct 2008 22:05:27 -0700
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Lt. Linda takes a broom to Sarge
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| From: Sarge |
I guess spyders was on her mind. The week before she showed me several bites on her arm that she said was spider bites. But I put them off to being chigger bites, after all we had just come back from Sioux City, Iowa. And I remember well how our legs and around our waist we would have chigger bites all summer long when I lived there. But something woke her in the middle of the night and she looked up and saw the dark spot. That was all she needed. I honestly think she totally forgot about me laying in the bed next to her. All she could see was that creepy, crawling, biting spider. Sorta like a soldier develops tunnel vision when in a battle. And she definately declaired war on 8 legged creepies.
Sarge | |
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