| The Guinness Book of Female Records
CAR PARKING
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19.36m (63ft 2 ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Miss Emma Hawley, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on 12th October 2000. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Reading, Berkshire, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement, 8 hours and 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp posts.
INCORRECT DRIVING
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 50.4km (31 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Ms Joanne Hutchins (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Ms. Hutchins smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
SHOP DITHERING
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Ms Jacqui Wall (GB) in the Buxton Branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Ms Wall could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale. After one hour, her boyfriend, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Ms Wall eventually bought one for 12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it.
Ms Wall also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks and two days before eventually going home.
JUMBLE SALE MASSACRE
The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting was at jumble sale in 1998, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in the crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised GBP 5.28 for local boy scouts.
TALKING ABOUT NOTHING
Miss Rachel Woodward (GB) and Miss Alex Hayman (GB) sat in kitchen in Bristol, Avon and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from 1st May to 7th August 1997, pausing only for coffee, cakes and toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs Elizabeth Wheeler (GB) and her neighbour Mrs Charmaine Woodward (GB) of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over the fence in an unenlightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs Woodward remembered she'd left the bath running.
GOSSIPING
On February 18th 1992, Miss Lisa Henshall, a close friend of Miss Caroline Anderson popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Miss Anderson, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the butcher. After Miss Henshall left at 2.10pm, Miss Anderson immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm in the afternoon, 2,774 knew of the affair, including the local Amateur dramatic Society, several knitting circles, a coachload of American tourists which she flagged down. . . . and the butchers wife! When a tired Miss Anderson went to bed at 11.55pm that night, Miss Henshall affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
GROUP LOO VISITS
The record for the largest group of women to visit a loo simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994, Miss Kate Downton got up to go to the loo and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the ladies at 9.52pm and , after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2hrs 37minutes later.
FILM CONFUSION
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her boyfriend without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th October 1990, when Miss Jessica Avery sat down with her boyfriend to watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs before asking 'is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?', revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2mins 38 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking, 'is this a war film, is it?'
SINGLE BREATH SENTENCE
An Australian woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute barrier for talking without drawing breath. Miss Karen Townsend, 25 of Queensland smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Miss Julie-Ann Stark, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous gesticulations and indignant spasms.
TRAFFIC LIGHT COSMETICS
The longest spell spent oblivious to traffic lights whilst applying make up was one of 1hr 51mins and 38secs by Miss Natalie Haynes at a road junction in the centre of Guildford on the 1st June 2001. Miss Haynes, a piano teacher, beautified herself through cycles of the light, creating a tailback of irate motorists stretching 28 miles towards Leeds/ |
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