& A r a c h n e .                                          . H a r d    L i n e s   S u n k e n    C h e e k s .   εïз . o o c : The silencing of the metrosexuals. CHAPTER FOUR: PART TWO ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once upon a time there was a metro sexual in the lands of EPIC. He went by the name Joshua Sickert, and sick he was. Well, some wouldn't consider him a metro as he took the look of 'drag queen' to a whole new level. This was a man who would play dress up within the privacy of his own dungeon as he kept a tortured animal in chains so he could use it's skin to cover his overtly large body. Obviously this man had a fascination with skin therefore earning the name Buffalo Josh - the sickest transvestite in EPIC. He also suffered from an eating disorder, one where an individual eats to fill the void in his heart. Therefore he lived up to his name to the fullest. Now there were a few people seeking out Joshua Sickert, namely Kilo, who was also known as Clarice Starling in this twisted mind of Clipse. Kilo had a partner in crime, one who we all came to love and know as Arachne, also known as Dr. Hannibal Lector. Kilo aka Agent Starling - Dr. Lector, I need the location of this transvestite prostitute. Perhaps it won't be too hard for you to find *it* as you have an amazing sense of smell and the one you are seeking out has never washed his vagina since birth. Arachne aka Doctor Hannibal Lector - Is it a she? And how sure are you it has a vagina. Well, it was clear to everyone that Joshua Sickert secretly wished he was a girl. He refused to cut his hair and loved to tuck his penis between his legs ala Buffalo Bill. Every night, he would go out to bars, street corners and dumps to pick up men to roll in bed with. Kilo aka Agent Starling - I also think that Buffalo Josh has a partner in crime. Another transvestite who is a tad bit on the ugly side. Arachne giggles at the predictable Sickert. Arachne aka Hannibal Lector - Leave it to the ugly to bring in something more horrid looking so they can look good. Who is this other transvestite? A lover of Joshua Sickert? Suddenly they hear some sort of snorting followed by an 'oink'. A man that resembled a pig was in the other cell. Cain Clipse aka Miggs - Why it's me! He screamed causing Kilo to walk over to his cell. Cain Clipse sat put on his bed, a place we think he hasn't lifted his ass from since 1995. Kilo aka Agent Starling - Then we've already done our job of putting you in prison. Cain Clipse aka Catherine Martin - Like, omg no. I'm just a poor helpless tranny who Joshua Sickert is using. Help me! Kilo looked confused but not as confused as Cain Clipse is about his sexuality. Everybody knew Joshua Sickert was one lonely fag but nobody expected another human being to fall victim to him. This man had to be low. No wait, lower than low. Kilo aka Agent Starling - Maybe you can help us locate Joshua's hide out then. But Cain Clipse refuses to cope. He loved his partner in crime Joshua too much to give up any information. Perhaps they were going to have to torture this one until he/she/it gave them what they needed. Cain Clipse aka who the fuck cares - No, I won't. Not even if you give me a coat made out of the fur of a hundred rabbits because that's how many it takes to make a coat that actually fits my fat ass. No, he isn't joking either. This man has the ass that Rikishi would envy. Kilo aka Agent Starling - Damn, how did your ass get that big any way? Cain Clipse blushes at first, it was the first time someone actually bothered to look in that direction of his lumpy body in years. Cain Clipse aka PETA victim - Trust me, I was one hell of a looker in my younger days. Arachne aka Hannibal Lector - Yeah right. Even Kilo rolled his eyes but Clipse stuck to his story. Surprise, he had an ego just like everyone else in the world. No matter how 'bent out of shape' Clipse was, he was nothing original. Cain Clipse aka Hollywood's hooker - I used to do cocaine with my friend Mary Kate Olsen because I'm like so totally famous and people care about me. I live in Hollywood. Yay! Anyways, after Lindsay Lohan gained weight, being a coke whore went out of style so I decided to quit. Everyone is becoming 'good' now and it's getting them so much publicity so I thought why not? But in the end, I just ended up gaining more than five hundred pounds and since I was so ugly I hid myself from the world. But then Paris Hilton made going to prison like so popular so I decided to be a bad little girl and got sent off to the big house. Clipse probably lost the both of them by the time he finished his story. Arachne was probably sleeping in her cell and Kilo was contemplating how to find Buffalo Joshua. Cain Clipse aka Mr. Unoriginal - Pay attention to me! He threw a twinkie that was previously hidden under his ass flaps across his cell and it hit Arachne's waking her up. Arachne aka Hannibal Lecter - Watch where you throw your food. Cain Clipse aka AIDS victim - Shut up, bitch! How original is it to refer to a woman as a bitch these days? In the books of Clipse: very. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to tell you how out of touch with reality he was which is why one needed to break the walls of reality down to get to him. Arachne aka Hannibal Lector - Oh, Agent Starling, I have prepared a list for you. She hands him a piece of paper and he takes it and holds it up. How to kill a metro sexual in 5 ways. 1. Take away his hair products. 2. Give him a mirror to use. 3. Take the microphone away from the attention whore. 4. Remind them they're not in high school anymore. 5. Ignore it. Once everything on this list is checked, Joshua Sickert and Cain Clipse won't exist anymore. Kilo puts the paper into his bag and waves goodbye to Arachne. Kilo aka Agent Starling - I'll do just this when I find Joshua Sickert. Kilo takes one last look at Cain Clipse who just stick his tongue out. Arachne aka Hannibal Lector - I'll try and talk this one into suicide while you're at it. Kilo leaves as Cain Clipse tries to lift his cellulite from the bed and Arachne whispers to him. We all know what happens in the end so there's no need to tell the story. A short conclusion would be that Joshua was found and killed and so was his 'other half', because we known they can't live without each other. And of course, once again Arachne and Kilo saved the day and the world didn't have to deal with those attention whore anymore. T H E  E N D Cherie [c] 2006