THE MEN'S CIRCLE
(c)1986, by Robin The Rocky Mountain Men's Group has put in a good deal of time the past two or three months working on a Manhood Ritual for initiating young males into adulthood. We still don't have acomplete ritual that we are all satisfied with, but a good start has been made. Some of the approaches taken in creating this kind of ritual have drawn upon traditional tribal rites of passage. Some of these tribal manhood rituals include taking the young candidate abruptly away from his family to an isolated spot, where he must remain for a long period of time, usually blindfolded and bound in the dark. Part of the ritual may involve physical pain such as tattooing, circumcision or ceremonial infliction of cuts that leave characteristic scars. Even leaving out the physical cutting, these rites deliberately put the young candidate through frightening, isolating and painful experiences.
No one has seriously proposed any ritual that leaves permanent scars on the candidate's body, but even so some feel that putting an innocent youngster through a traumatic experience is insensitive. It seems to me that this attitude misses the point. It is not a lack of compassion that is being expressed. There is no single word for it in English, it is a willingness to inflict (or at least allow) pain in order to teach a necessary lesson that cannot be conveyed in any other way. As sensitivity is usually considered a light feminine quality, so this complement is a dark masculine quality.
Is this dark masculine quality desirable - or even ethical? I think it is. There are elements of it in the Wiccan Initiation Rituals and the symbolism of the Scourge. It partially explains some of the Legend of the Descent of the Goddess into the Underworld - where the Goddess only learns to love the God after being scourged by Him. "Remember this - that you must suffer in order to learn". Although many people are put off by the dark quality of this particular attribute of the Masculine, it is important to remember that although not pretty, it is necessary. Perhaps the following story will illustrate this point.
A boy around eight or nine years old once found a very large caterpillar. It was dark green, as long and thick as a man's finger, and decorated with curious stalky and warty protuberances in blue, red, and bright yellow. Since it was nearly the end of summer, he took it home and put it in a large open jar, and kept it supplied with leaves of the type he had seen it eating. After a couple of months it began to spin a cocoon about itself. He watched this with fascination, and when the cocoon was complete, he put the jar on a shelf of his screened back porch, where it remained through the winter. When the days began to lengthen and the weather grew warmer he checked the jar every morning and afternoon, waiting for a little miracle of rebirth. One Saturday morning his patience was rewarded. There was movement within the cocoon and a small hole had appeared. The boy watched in fascination as the hole became larger and the reborn creature inside struggled to emerge. The struggle went on for what seemed to the boy a long time and he began to feel sorry for the trapped insect. Out of compassion, he ran off and returned with a pair of his mother's smallest, finest, scissors. Carefully he enlarged the hole, and then stood back to watch a beautifully patterned moth emerge into the light of day. The moth spread its folded wings, moving them gently to dry in the air. Their tan- and-gray markings seemed to the boy to be one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. When the moth's wings seemed dry, he carefully held the jar to the outside of the porch screen so that it could crawl out. He planned to watch it until it flew away to find a mate. The moth crawled onto the screen and perched there. It flapped its wings from time to time but did not fly. When evening came, several male moths came and fluttered about the female clinging to the screen, but although she seemed to be trying to fly off and join them, she never moved from where she was. She stayed where she was for three or four days, and finally died and fell to the ground. The boy later learned that the struggle to emerge from the cocoon is so prolonged for moths and butterflies because the long effort serves to pump necessary fluids into their wings and strengthen them for flight. By shortening this process, to spare the moth pain, he had prevented her wings from fully developing and so she could never fly and mate and lay the eggs of the next generation.
......Robin
.....from RMPJ Oct. '86
This article is excerpted from the Rocky Mountain Pagan Journal. Each issue of the Rocky Mountain Pagan Journal is published by High Plains Arts and Sciences; P.O. Box 620604, Littleton Co., 80123, a Colorado Non-Profit Corporation, under a Public Domain Copyright, which entitles any person or group of persons to reproduce, in any form whatsoever, any material contained therein without restriction, so long as articles are not condensed or abbreviated in any fashion, and credit is given the original author.!
I have to say that on a few levels, this article bothers me. There is so much abuse in this world these days that it can be a fine line between lessons and cruelity. On one hand, I see where this writer is coming from in that the struggle is part of growth, but physical pain is not necessarily the answer. I , instead would wnt to challenge logic and strength, not deliberate physical pain to test tolerance and obedience. The moth was probably using muscles..such as we do when we exercize...not being beaten but going to the maximum that it is able to push ITSELF...not having another moth beating it. I again look at esercize efforts as an example...when we push ourselves with exercize that we are not used to after lounging aroung on unused muscles...we get sore, yes, but it is not of anothers' doing..it is us challanging ourselves to do our best...with the starting result being sore muscles because of the muscle disuse...but the ultimate result, we know...is good for us and we become healthy and strong...as the moth was...but if we stay dormant and lazy we WILL die or suffer the result of being unable to reach our potential....this is also caused because of others trying to be nice by tihinking they help with giving a gift of candy rather than joining in a walk in the park... In the end...it is US..the person, being challanged by what we know we need to do...it is not someone beating us with a whip...that only causes disharmony and rebellion. so the physical pain, must be a willing sacrifice to WANT to be as good as we can be. Being nice all the time is fine, but to guide with tough love is different than abuse. A person can dine on deserts and candy from someone being nice and that goes to the extreme in the other direction...and the person also becomes unhealthy and only wants what can be served to make him feel good and not challanged..this is a deadly killer...so there needs to be challange to do what is right...and then it is up to that person to use that free will and to be better through goals and determination or to give in and just stay seditary...which always results in stagnation with no expectation of being able to do anything... I have rattled on enough about this but I would love to hear what others have to say...this is a great discussion and I thank you , Fyre, for posting this. Bright BLessings ~ Lady Majyk ~ This article raises questions in me that I have definately put much thought to, especially in the past couple of years. I have seen many changes within the men in my life, as they grow and continue on, stronger and more confident. Each level they gained was nearly always after a period of some sort of trying experiences, in which they learned something so important or profound, they could not be the same individual after. In my opinion, rituals and Rites of Passage are very special, and should definately be celebrated throughout a person's life, men and women alike. But in this case, I do not belive that pain and physical hurt are necessarily appropriate. Many people in my generation, myself included, have modified their bodies with piercings, tattoos, scarification, along with lighter sort of things like hair dyes and makeup, like many other generation have done, but I feel at least within our American society, to a greater extent. In fact, I have had three piercings outside of those on my ears (six in total), and I studied body piercing as my senior exit project in high school, which was actually well accepted. These activities are very Normal for me, and those I know and spend my time with. Here's my problem... everyone is different and special in their own ways. For some people, tattooing is a fantastic way to mark a new beginning in their lives. For others, maybe a trip into wilderness alone, is fitting. And even others, maybe a gathering of friends and peers to spend time and celebrate together. However they feel to celebrate and mark this stepping stone in their journey. But to make physical pain a mandatory piece to a rite of passage, is insensitive, and without regard to individuality. Of course there should be some sort of base ritual outline, but I believe that there are other ways to test a person's endurance and aptitude. Some people might take well to scarification, feeling it fitting, while others, it might make them turn away, and leave them traumatized in an emotional fashion, which is not what a rite of passage ritual is about. It's about being tested and finding strength in adversity. I agree that testing and isolating experiences may be what a boy needs to feel he has crossed from boy to man, but individuality is very important. There should be a good balance between unique trial and the feeling of unity with others of your sex. Careful planning and meditation on the subject should be done on everyone's part, including the boy. My Humble Opinion, Shadow Elf After Shadow clued me in on this Article, and having just finished reading it, I think it would be best to add *My* two cents. As a Male, I have experienced certain "Rites of Passage" in my 21 years of living. Most everyone goes through the usual ones: Moving from one place to another, getting into High School, Graduating High School, finding a lover, Intercourse, etc. Most men (and women) can attest to a change in their behavior and confidence after such circumstances. My father, Goddess Bless Him, was raised in a very harsh environment. My grandfather, his father, beat him and made him work long hours cleaning apartments on his hands and knees without pay, inflicting emotional and physical punishment if even the smallest infraction was found. As my father grew up, and became the man I now call "Dad", he has been scarred. He never shares his feelings, never shows that he cries. Throughout my young life, the lesson I was taught most was "Never let them see you bleed". I'd like to say I learned that lesson. My father has always taught me the values of manhood. Strength, courage, honor, valor, doing what's right, being the "Man" in the relationship. I learned very fast to take control in situations when no one else would (My own instincts and experiences aside). My father never hurt me or tried to damage me emotionally or physically my entire life. I feel I have made him proud, and I have also made myself proud for experiencing the kinds of things I have. Finding an apartment, living on my own, working a full time job without relying on anybody else; those things were all very important "Rites of Passage" to me, as was my short drug use, smoking, and drinking. I think it would be safe to say any boy looking for manhood has experienced these things that I have, and come out with varying degrees of emotional and physical trauma for whatever reason. When they were not introduced to it by others, they sought it out and did it themselves. The point I'm trying to make is: Every lesson we learn, and every Rite of Passage we come to, has some form of pain associated with it. Whether physical or emotional, one cannot learn a thing without suffering. I have put myself through many forms of pain willingly and with full knowledge of what I was doing, and I did that simply to *Prove* to myself that I could overcome. The same Rites of Passage practiced by countless Tribes and Peoples are practiced by millions without even realizing it. The men in my life, my fellow Warriors and companions (For all my friends are of the same stock, no matter their skills), we all test ourselves on the field of battle. Drawing blood, inflicting pain, is merely a way of testing Ourselves. Finding our limits and learning what makes us men. My first tattoo, the chinese symbols of balance on my left inside Forearm, was a gift for my 21'st birthday to symbolize my change from Boyhood to Manhood, and my old life to my new one. I am proud to say that as the needle drove home, there was more impact on my heart than on my flesh. Well, in case I lost you in my little speech, let me just put it this way... Personally, I believe pain is an acceptable, even necessary form of learning. In my experience, and the experiences of the men I'm close to, pain has driven the message home so to speak. Choice, of course, decides the method and the intensity... But I do not agree that it is insensitive or irresponsible to involve it in Rites of Passage. Perhaps others are different...and times may have changed, but that's my two cents there. Blessed Be, KnyghtSkye Oh, and by the way.. Thank you so much for posting this Fyre. Kind of touched something in me... I appreciate it. Strength & Honor, KnyghtSkye MM Everyone, I think this is a great article that we have under discussion here. It will allow us explore what we each think and feel concerning this topic. We must first remember that this is to be a "Rite of Passage". We must also remember that we are each the product of the culture or society in which we are born and raised. Therefore, we must be careful not to force our own beliefs upon those who do not share them. Each culture or society has it's own "Rites of Passage", including our own, through which we pass at the different stages of our lives, some with more pain and suffering than others. I'm going to expand somewhat on what Fyre said about suffering = experience = wisdom. I see it this way instead, suffering/pain = experience and wisdom/knowledge = survival.
We begin our very lives with our first "Rite of Passage", filled with suffering and pain as we are propelled from our mother's womb into this harsh and cold world. It is that very pain and suffering that causes us to draw in that first lung filling, life giving breath of air and gives us the ability to cry out over the pain we just went through. We were deliberately put through that ordeal by our mother, it was the only outcome possible when we were conceived if we were to survive in this world. And when we were in pain or suffering from hunger as an infant, we gained the wisdom/knowledge that if we cried we were fed, thus began our long journey of gaining the wisdom/knowledge that we needed to survive. We grew stronger with each passing phase we went through, we learned to walk, not without many falls, bumps, bruises and for some even stitches to chins and forheads from a particularly nasty fall. But with each fall we experienced, we gained the wisdom/knowledge of balance and the falls became fewer, and we moved into the next phase of our young life as a toddler. It was celebrated by our doting parents and we gained pride in our achievement, we had passed another "Rite of Passage" in our life, we are no longer a baby, but a toddler. And with this stage of our life comes a whole new set of rules, trials and hurts.
It is during this stage of life that we start learning there are consequences to our actions, some of them painful. If we are good we get the hugs and kisses we so crave, but if we do something wrong we learn that there are punishments. These are lessons that all children must learn if they are to grow healthy and strong physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Without learning that there are sometimes serious consequences associated with our actions as we are growing up, we do not develop the wisdom needed to survive. We learn first hand and usually quite painfully what the word "Hot" means, quite often because we stuck our hand on something hot and burned ourselves. The majority of children simply receive a fairly minor burn and the wisdom is learned, others are not so lucky, they receive a severe burn that leads to permanent scarring or even death. Could this have been prevented? Possibly. A child has no concept of what the word hot means until it is felt and the child has a concrete connection to make between the word and the actual feel of it. I have two sons. When I had my first son, I was following the concept that one should never deliberately place a child's hand for just a second on something that was hot. I simply just keep telling him it was hot and what would happen if he touched it. The house we lived in had gas burning heaters and they get very hot. When my son was almost 3 years old, he ran to close to one of the heaters and ended up with a second degree burn on his forearm of which he bears the scar to this very day. I blamed myself for his not having fully understood what the word hot means and because I had not shown him what hot is, he was the one to suffer the pain of a fairly serious burn. When my second son started walking, I showed him what hot was by touching his hand to the front of oven, it wasn't hot enough to cause a burn, but was hot enough to give just enough pain that he never went near anything that I said was hot. That moment of discomfort to him from the oven may very well have prevented him having to endure the pain of a more serious burn as his older brother had. The next "Rite of Passage" that we have as children in our culture is that of starting school. This is quite often a very traumatic event for young children and for many it will be the first time that they are away from their mother for more than a hour or two. Do we consider this as "ill-treatment" when we force our children to suffer through those first scary days of school? No we don't. We know that our children need to go to school so that they can gain the knowledge they are going to need to be able to survive in today's world. And after those first few scary days, our children show a new pride in themselves for having overcome the fear they felt on those first few days. And so it goes with life, each phase bringing it's own "Rite of Passage". Often full of pain, fear and suffering to some degree or another, but each time we go through one of these experiences in life we gain the wisdom/knowledge that we need to continue surviving in this world we live in. I'm not saying that I agree with many of the "Rites of Passage" that some cultures and societies have, I do however, believe that it is up to that particular culture or society to decide if they need to change what has in many cases, been a way of life for them for many centuries. One must remember that as children growing up in a particular way of life, they know what will be expected of them when they are deemed ready to go through a "Rite of Passage", and they are extremely proud when they pass it. It is a test of their survival skills afterall. These are just my thoughts. Brightest Blessings to all. ~ MoonRose
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