Communication

by: Wyrmwood (with communication questions by Lance)

1. Do we have a lot of negative self talk and perceive ourselves in a negative light either as men or as people in general? How can we create a more positive self image for/of ourselves?

I know that it helps if you are surrounded by people who enforce that positive image, either by praise or encouragement. If you believe in yourself, you will view yourself in a positive, constructive way. If you are constantly harassed or told that you are stupid, etc, then that is likely to have a profound effect on the way you view yourself, and ultimately, the way you view life.

2. How do we communicate with women? Are our needs going unmet physically/emotionally/spiritually by our partners/female friends/girlfriends? Do we find ourselves being misunderstood or misinterpreted? What does it mean to us to state simply and honestly what our needs/desires are and how we would like them met? 

This is a biggie. Although we often communicate only when we need to, women like us to communicate with a bit of depth a lot of the time. This is necessary for a balanced and complete relationship. This means that we as men have to try and look deeper within ourselves, and put our feelings into words - a difficult but worthwhile task. We have to know what we want - and many of us don't really know because we haven't spent enough time thinking about it and looking deep within. Most of the time, it is because we have our walls up against the injustices of society, and thus convince ourselves that we are happy with our simplistic values - but we are not happy. We are hollow; and that hollowness grows until it consumes us - and finds us at odds with our partner, our friends, our workmates, and ultimately, ourselves. This self-destruction can be avoided if we regularly take the time to look within.

3. Do we have difficulty in communicating with each other as men? Do we either bluster and create false impressions of ourselves or find ourselves with little to say? What is it for us to be vulnerable and direct with other men yet remain secure in who we are?

hah! I'll say. We often walk around with our walls up all the time. This means that when we are in the company of men, we are boisterous, arrogant, confident and aggressive. We drink and we either get more aggressive or embarrassingly, our walls temporarily come down and we allow ourselves to become emotionally naked. This is what I mean by learning to make shields so we can bring down our walls. The shield only comes up when needed - it is not up all the time; and so we can be open, friendly, vulnerable, honest and caring without leaving ourselves open to emotional scarring through ridicule or teasing. We lose so much in not creating strong bonds of friendship because of our fear of emotional pain. The strong men are the ones who are prepared to take that risk (but it must be balanced - the other end of the scale is the SNAG who lets himself be emotionally stepped on because of his emotional openness to extreme - he has no wall, but no shield either.)

4. When we seek out our various god forms and work our magic, are we strong/manly in the way we approach our beliefs, or are we faint of heart/belief Does or magic fail us? Or do we fail it? What does it mean to you to stand firm as a man and state your belief and create your own destiny/magic (with whatever aids/tools/gods you choose - if any)?

To connect with the Gods and work magick is to understand ourselves better. By allowing ourselves to feel strong yet emotionally sensitive in ritual and magick, we are enforcing within ourselves what is needed to be a man - and for us to be truly happy.

5. Have people experienced either the positives of good communication or the difficulties of poor communication? As a man, what have you done to improve in this area?

I often have difficulties with spoken communication - this is mainly because I take time to formulate my ideas (my written communication skills are okay though =) I certainly believe that this could be improved through practise; so come on to the men's weekend in Canberra!

6. How can we begin to unravel the knots we find ourselves in and start communicating more completely with our environment?

well, firstly, I believe that we need to start looking within ourselves. To understand ourselves will dictate how we interact with others, and what things we achieve in life. I also believe that men's gatherings (without going down the extreme paths of the grunting, sweating Wild Man, or the insubstantialness of the SNAG) can do a lot for men - by placing ourselves in a men's only, non-competitive, non-threatening, group-orientated situation, we can learn how to better interact, communicate, and formulate stronger bonds of friendship.

blessings,

Wyrmwood

     ~What a great article. I think many of us can take the suggestions here and use them... I know I can! As always, thanks to Wyrmwood for his site paganmen.com~