essays > rites of passage

from: Wyrmwood 

> Is age the only determination for the achievement of the next "tier" of seniority, or are there trials of initiation which must be performed/endured before the attainment of the next phase? (The various stages of male physical and psycho-social development which are characterised by your path. ) 

(an "In my opinion" disclaimer here - I am interested in hearing different opinions!)

There are some tiers which are not related to age:

Fatherhood is definitely a trial that has no age barrier - and some men go through their life without ever becoming one (to me, fatherhood is more than just donating sperm)

Warriorhood (Armed forces, protecting your family, protecting others weaker than yourself) is a trial that some men will never have to face, and others will. It is a right-of-passage to know that you can protect those that need it - and the only way to pass this rite is to do it. Although men who do not do it should not be considered "below standard" - I do believe its a right-of-passage, but I don't believe that all men go through it or need to go through it. I personally feel that I haven't. Time will tell whether it is something that I will face one day.

Age/maturity stages of man (general outlines)

* boy - gender is an abstract concept, knows there are differences between boys and girls, but that's about it. * teenager - gender is an issue, girls become strange, interaction with other boys rather than girls, learning how to be a man (or adult)

 * young man - late teens usually - entering the world of the adult (cars, alcohol, relationships). Need for maturity and taking responsibility. 

* mature man - late 20's to mid 30's - being in positions of responsibility, contributing to society, being a role-model for boys/teenagers/young men, has variety of life experience 

* elder/grandfather - 50's to 60's - being in position of advisor. Huge array of life experience - bless actions of young men and mature men, guides teenagers, story teller

> how do you feel when you interact with these hierarchies? Do you believe the interaction to be better facilitated by a hierarchy due to knowing where you stand with these folks? 

Sometimes I think it would help me and my relationship with people in these "hierarchies" if I (and they) knew where I stood and they (and I) knew where they stood, maybe... 

I know that through my life, I have often created my own personal "rite of passage" due to a personal need for one and none being offered or available. This was before I even knew what a "rite of passage" was.

Certainly in a "pagan community" there is need for a bit of social structure which is currently absent. To be a part of that community and interact with it, it is essential to have the male age/experience hierarchies so that boys and men know their place and know not only what is expected of them, but what will be expected of them at the next stage - and so what their place in society is.

> Do you ever feel marginalised by that hierarchy because you are outside of it?

 No - its just a different recognised stage of experience with its own benefits and inconveniences. I have men in my own stage to relate to, elders to get advise from, and teenagers and children to teach and be a role model for. Each stage has its place and is no "better" than any other stage.

For instance, fatherhood is something that only other fathers really understand. You can share your experiences, fears and ask questions with men without that experience, but only men with that experience can give you the answers that you seek.

> How do the folks from more rigidly structured paths of spiritual and social development feel when they interact with self-initiated individuals? Does this cause you problems in establishing an appropriate mode of interaction with such people?

Well, I guess this question doesn't apply to me as I feel I am "self-initiated", but from my position, I guess I am a little jealous of those men who have had the support to go through a "rite of passage" and be recognised by other men as being at a particular stage in life. I guess part of it is the need to "be accepted" but not so far as to degrade "who" I am. I am not prepared to "become" a Yobbo, a rev-head, etc to be accepted. The person that I am is more important to me than my place in society (although my place in society - not necessary the greater society but, for instance, amongst those I relate to or have similar beliefs to my own - is important to some extent)

Personally, I believe that men (and boys) need the support of other men - and a "rite of passage" helps to facilitate this. However, a "rite of passage" must have meaning to the individual and the group (and even, in part, to the "society" - see my description of "society" above).

The most important aspect of a "rite of passage" is being supported by other men in that stage who have the knowledge and experience to support you in your step into the relatively unknown and yet-to-experience: Being told that its ok to be afraid, taking the step with support, understanding that you have crossed from one "societal level" to another, taking on the responsibilities (and perks) of that level, and sharing your experiences with other men on that level.

This is something that all men go through whether recognised or not. I believe that a "rite of passage" at each stage, where your crossing of that societal level is recognised by other men, would help us find our place in life, in our society, and within ourselves.

blessings to all

Wyrmwood (a self-initiated father and mature man {I hope!})