A Cheat Sheet for New Meditators

Step 1: Be still. Find a quiet space that's both private and inspiring. It can be outside, in a church or temple--even a corner of your bedroom. Sit or lie down, close your eyes (to help you relax), and set a kitchen timer for 3 minutes, so there's no need to worry over when to end the meditation. As your comfort level rises, gradually increase the length of time you meditate to 20 minutes a day or, ideally, twice a day.

Step 2: Invite in the divine. Make your meditation space a sanctuary for spiritual practice by adding an element or two from your spiritual life--perhaps a candle, crystals, a cross, a Buddha, a picture of God as you understand him, even a tiny bunch of flowers--to remind you of why you're there. "When you create the space," says Freston, "action will follow."

Step 3: Have a spiritual intention. Start by repeating an affirming mantra, one that's spiritual and meaningful to you. Use it to help empty your mind and to relax as fully as you can. Then visualize what it is that you want out of life--what you want your world to include and how you want it to feel. ("For me, it's always about having serenity and creativity," says Freston.) Then actually invoke the presence of the divine, thanking God or the universe for what you have--or simply for help in the meditation process.

Step 4: Pay attention to what comes up. In the stillness you create, you will notice thoughts or feelings--some of them negative, some of them not--that you may not have been aware of because you had been masking them with activity. Don't try to make them go away. They are what's truly in your heart.

Step 5: Surrender. In other words, accept that things don't always go according to your plan. Relax under the strain of your self-imposed rules and actions. Dispense with your frustration or any negative emotions you might feel. Trust that everything will be okay. And surrender to the idea that miracles are your highest potential.

"My work in meditation, both as a counselor and a practitioner, is rooted in the belief that we create our own reality, that healthy relationships can occur only when we are healthy inside," says Freston, who says that the more she meditated, the more positive, confident, and cognizant of her own self-destructive patterns she became. "Healthy," in Freston's own Al-Anon-meets-the-Dalai-Lama jargon, primarily means mentally relaxed, emotionally supple, strong. "We tend to give our energy to what we fear instead of what we hope for," she says. "When you meditate, you do the opposite, strengthening your focus even as you direct it on what's affirming, what's positive. And as a result, you become more positive, you become healthier--and you start to draw people who are healthful for you to you."