THE LOUDEST NOISE

We had come to town for a bender

To this bush pub, somewhere in the west.

We were drinking our rum and lying

Two things that us ringers do best.

Conversation had centred on noises,

And the loudest of sounds that we had heard.

And examples put forward all varied

From mundane to the absurd.

Blasting shotguns and mining explosions.

All-in pub brawls to bombs in war.

And the publican swore that the loudest

Was the bark of his mother in law.

But these sounds never ran a close second

After Squeaky Mc Fee had his say.

His shrill like voice chirped excited

As he blew all our stories away .

" IO was horse breaking west of the Isa

When the manager left for a sale.

He'd be gone for a week buying cattle

And tyhere lies the crux of my tale.

" For the managers wife was poer

And she gave me a wink for a lark.

She insisted that I bunk in her bedroom

Just because she was scared of the dark.

" Well perhaps I was weak to be tempted

But such offers were rare in the west.

So I slid in the sheets along side her

And let you imagine the rest.

" Then one night, a dog's bark woke our slumber,

As a vehicle pulled up outside.

' Twas the manager---back a day early

And his wife in the dark yelled to hide.

" So I leapt from her bed in a panic,

Dressed naked from head to my feet.

I had no time to hide in the bedroom

So decided to beat a retreat.

Now the window presented salvation

And I had it half up in a sec.

But the sash cord broke and it nosedived

Like a guillotine clamped on my neck.

Then the light was switched on like a beacon

As the manager strode through the door.

And I bent with this yoke on my shoulders

While my feet and hands pawed the floor.

I was trapped in this pose---compromising.

Bum up and spreadeagled in half.

Clamped up tight in this bail in a headlock

Snorting fire like a scrub-mickey calf."

Sqeaky's voice then rose up in crescendo

Till it bayed like a lone dingo howl,

And he sobbed " Then this booming like thunder

Shook the room." and a wince crossed his brow.

" And that noise,

I had never heard louder.

It still echoes each night of my life.

' Twas the " click" as I heard the blade open

On that manager's castrating knife.