Hi Lisa,

 

first of all, let me please congratulate you on having the first twelve nicotine free days under your belt.

 

You really have given yourself the best gift anybody could possibly think of by no longer feeding your body nicotine.

 

I hope you are really proud of yourself and celebrate every single nicotine free day before you go to bed.

 

I am happy to read that mostly, you are having no big problems with your nicotine free life. As for your smoking buddy: I am glad you do not rely on her as a "quitting Buddy".

 

You say you feel selfish to avoid those situations with her. Avoiding Triggers  ... you are still making Adjustments: Dealing With Life Without the Drug ... if she is really your friend, she would want much more support in dealing with her Dad's loss (for which I am sorry ) than just somebody who is sitting there with her smoking. A cigarette would not bring her Dad back but it might cut short her own life. "Our cigarette, our friend"  has never made anything better and I don't suppose it will start doing now.

 

How can you support your friends: how about some hugs and some words / actions that show her you are there for her? You can support your friend(s) in anyway you like ... and you will be able to do it much better as you don't have to concentrate on how to get your next fix.

 

She might also be envious of you for being able to live without nicotine. Not that she would admit this, of course ... Lisa, you know if she is really your friend ... she would support you in everything you do - the same way you are supporting her. Perhaps it would be an idea to show her the www.whyquit.com site or Joel's articles, ultimately though it is up to her to have the light bulb moment and realise what she is doing to herself.

 

Unfortunately, this is nothing which is strictly related to nicotine cessation but it is one of the biggest lessons we all have to learn and which deals with the answer to the question of Life is ... ?: Life does indeed go on without smoking ... so just one piece of advice: have a good look at your "friendship" and then decide whether you think it is one to treasure or to cut your losses.

 

I also think that sometimes it is good to be selfish, especially if it is your life your are fighting for because that is what you are doing. You know you can say "No thank you, I can't have a cigarette" - which is not strictly true (hope I don't get into trouble with Joel for this ) as you will always have the Option of relapsing again. As you have been living nearly two weeks and proven to yourself that you don't need a nicotine fix in whatever circumstance, you truly have the choice now.

 

I know Joel has already recommended that you read Offers for cigarettes - I would like to put it in here again, as I think that is an absolute great way to make people stop trying to push you back into an actively using addict's life again.  

 

He has already given you other great reading recommendations ... I hope you will read them all (perhaps even for the second or third time). There is so much to learn about our shared addiction and you found the best place to get to know everything there is to know about nicotine addiction - and much more beside.

 

 

There is no legitimate reason to relapse and you know it!

 

Are you rejecting your friends?  I don't think you are but what you are doing is  Making your quit your #1 priority, which is great to see. You are also showing them by your example that a nicotine free life is not only possible but do-able and hopefully, some of your friends will follow your example sooner rather than later.

 

Lisa, you are doing absolutely fantastic! You really have set out on the most exciting and rewarding journey of discovering or re-discovering the real you ...

... this Journey home  is so worth it! And so are you!