WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY
Men have better all-round mental health than women because they're not bothered by stupid crap. A recent survey from The Sex Battle Institute of Illinois of American men 18 to 88 asked, "Why do guys worry less than gals?" Here are the top 10 responses:

1.       Our phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2.       Friends don't give a poop if you've lost or gained weight.

3.       Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

4.       Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

5.       When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stop at every shot of someone crying.

6.       You can open all your own jars.

7.       If something mechanical doesn't work you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

8.       You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

9.       If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

10.   You can have sex with someone you don't even like.

Use the following to fire-up your female partner and women in the audience. Present it like you were mad that your bank had come up with new procedures for the drive-through ATM... like we're idiots or something. And the weird thing is, they're different for men and women:

Male procedures:

1.       Drive up to cash machine.

2.       Put down your car window.

3.       Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4.       Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5.       Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6.       Put window up.

7.       Drive off.

Female procedures:

1.       Drive up to cash machine.

2.       Reverse and back up to align car window with the machine.

3.       Set parking brake, put window down.

4.       Find handbag, dump contents onto passenger seat to locate card.

5.       Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6.       Attempt to insert card into machine.

7.       Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car.

8.       Insert card.

9.       Enter PIN.

10.   Enter amount of cash required.

11.   Check makeup in rear view mirror.

12.   Retrieve cash and receipt.

13.   Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

14.   Re-check makeup.

15.   Drive forward 2 feet.

16.   Reverse back to cash machine.

17.   Retrieve card.

18.   Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and replace the card.

19.   Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irritated male driver behind you.

20.   Restart stalled engine and pull off.

21.   Call back person on cell phone.

22.   Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

23.   Release parking brake.