My son's name was Brandon. He was 18months old. He had red wavy hair and beautiful blue eyes and the biggest smile complete with dimples. He was a real go getter and trouble maker. Tough, oh was he tough. He had a strong soul. I remember his first night at home after I had him I was up trying to put him back to sleep and I could feel his strength. He just had that aura. And he just proved over and over as he grew that he was very strong in character. I was excited to see what he would do with his life cause I knew it would be great. He had a big brother and his name is Ayden. He is 4 now.
On January 23rd, 2005 we got up and I remember saying that we are going to have a good day. And we did. We went sledding and ate marshmallows and played with their favorite train set. Then we had to go to town. I waited a week and the roads were finally clear. The weather finally smartened up. It smelled like spring that day. We went to town and to my dismay they didn't clear 2 miles of the road just before town. I am a country girl by the way. There was a truck behind me so I couldn't just stop and turn around so I slowed down and trudged through. We got there. We got our groceries and even the kids seemed as happy as me to finally be out of the house and seeing people. They didn't complain a bit. I made it quick. Then we went home. I remember putting Brandon in his car seat giving him his toy and shutting the door then I reopened it to give him a kiss. We were off. I went really slow throw the slush and I remember Brandon dropping his drink and falling asleep. I said "That's right. You go to sleep. We'll be home soon." Two minutes later my tires caught in the slush and sent my car sideways in the wrong lane. A 3/4 ton truck was coming at me. He didn't even try to avoid me. There was time. I just spun my tires. I was trying to get to the ditch before he hit me. In trying to do that I straightened the car out a bit. That saved Ayden by 3 inches. The car was completly sheared off beside him. He only hit my Brandon's seat. Not even my passenger seat. When the car came to a halt I looked back and there was nothing where my baby was supposed to be. I had to search for him. I found him in the ditch. I ran to him and straightened out his broken legs and turned him over and he was gone. I remember looking at his mouth to make sure he didn't look like he felt pain. But it was instant. Ayden yelled at me and I realised he could see him so I had to leave Brandon there in the snow and get Ayden and turn him so he couldn't look at him. I left my baby in the snow. Just something kicked in and I knew I couldn't help him. He wasn't there anymore and I had to help the one that needed me. A really nice nurse wrapped him up in blankets later that night and let me hold him and say goodbye. She gaveme the afghan that covered his head. That is what I took home and put in his crib. I didn't have him anymore.
Ayden remembers well and has nightmares. We are all coping as good as we can. I am trying. The scary thing is I had a premonition of the accident a week before it. I wiped it out of my head as well as I could. I couldn't even think of that ever happening. But it did. I am sure you think I am crazy now. But I did. I take it as that means it was supposed to be. It was in the plan. He is something great now in heaven. I know it. A beautiful angel.
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