It was very difficult writing this letter…  I finally got the courage to finish it. <o:p></o:p>

When I found out I was pregnant I cried tears of happiness for the first time in my life…<o:p></o:p>

My son was born on April 30^th 2005, weighing 8lb 71/5 oz; he had the most wonderful blue eyes and I felt the luckiest woman in the world, he soon developed a wonderful personality, he was the most inquisitive (he loved looking at the birdies and had a fixation with wheels and doors no matter how big or small :) ) he was very funny and, from a mother’s point of view, very very bright… one of my proudest moments was when in one day he learned a number of words in Spanish (which is my mother tongue). We were so in love with him, we decided to get pregnant again and on May 9^th 2006 gave birth to my beautiful girl Ava… life couldn’t get any better than this: a wonderful, loving husband and two gorgeous babies; I remember one day looking up at the sky and saying out loud "I do not want any more or any less, life is just perfect the way it is… thank you!’’ I thought that if you appreciate what life has given you and are grateful, nothing terrible would happen.<o:p></o:p>

It was a Wednesday afternoon when I took Enrique and Ava to the park. It was very hot so I took plenty of water and fruit for my children to enjoy. At around 3 o'clock we came back home because all of a sudden Enrique wasn’t feeling well, he developed fever so my husband gave him a cold bad in order to bring the fever down; it did and for the rest of the day he seemed ok but tired; next day I noticed Enrique was quieter than usual and even though he had no fever, parts of his body were a bit hot. I took him to the doctor but was told it may be just a cold so I was given paracetamol. On Friday he was not himself, we took him back to the doctor and were told to alternate his cold medicine with another medicine, ibuprofen. He slept for many hours that afternoon, something he usually wouldn’t do and he did not eat his dinner; I put it down to him feeling poorly, so I just let him rest in our room but kept checking on him to make sure he wouldn’t develop any fever. Late that night my husband got him ready to go to bed; he told me that he had checked on Enrique and thought he was getting better. At around 1.30 in the morning I woke up to breast feed Ava, I was half asleep half awake when from his room, which was next to mine, I heard him say, as he did pretty much every night in his sleep, mama, dada, mama, dada... I felt such a relief… I had missed my boy for the past 2 days and thought he was going to get up the following morning, come to my room and wake us up with his sweet smile, as he did every morning from the moment he could walk... little did I know he was saying goodbye... I got up at 6am and immediately felt guilty because I should have woken up at 5 am to give him his medicine, but I was so tired I overslept. I went to his room and realized he was not breathing; I panicked and called an ambulance. He was still warm but his lips were blue. My husband Mark was desperately trying to give him mouth to mouth but it wasn’t working. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics tried everything to get him back to life. On the way to the hospital he had 2 cardiac arrests… the paramedics did get his heart going but by the time he has transferred to the paediatric intensive care unit he was brain dead. I was so shocked I didn’t understand what was going on... that it all happen so fast… I just remember crying so much and feeling in a state of total disbelief… I was begging the doctors to save my boy and if I could I would have given my life for him.

We found out a few days later that we lost him to acute bacterial meningitis. <o:p></o:p>

It all happened so fast I couldn't make sense of  it all. When I had a meeting with the doctors I was told that there was nothing anyone could have done... less than 2 months later the vaccine that could have saved his life became available here in the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">UK</st1:place></st1:country-region>. It was like a slap on the face… we were just beginning to try coming to terms with our loss… why was the vaccine not available earlier?? To say that I feel so very angry and so very frustrated is an understatement… everyday is such a struggle, my heart is broken and NOTHING can amend it… the sadness I feel is beyond comprehension… my lovely girl keeps us going… she is the light in the dark and without her I’m not sure where I would no be emotionally and mentally. I cannot put into words how much I miss my lovely Enrique, he was my sunshine, my love. my 24 hours,

My angel of love, wherever you are, we love you and miss you so... more than words can say.