I can certainly relate to that Rean. When Andy suddenly died it sent me right into a tail spin. At first I was in total disbelief that this had even happened. I thought I was caught in a nightmare and couldn't wake up for the longest time. I kept hoping that Andy was going to walk right through that door like he usually did. But of course he never did.
Then I became really angry at Andy for having taken the pill because I felt he knew better. Then I was angry for him having taken the pill while he was staying with me. There was no doubt that I hated the Oursien boy with a passion because I felt that he had killed my grandchild, and I would never see that beautiful face, or hear his humourous voice again. After thinking about it for awhile I knew I couldn't be angry with Andy...he was just a kid. He was a kid that made a terrible mistake and paid for it with his life. I believe when Andy took that darn pill he took it believing what he had been told about it, and with every intention on waking up the following morning. He didn't take it out of spite for me, or his parents, or his brother so he could die and make our lives miserable, he took it because he thought it would make him feel like he had drank a few beer without the smell of booze on his breath. He did what a lot of kids do, but he paid the ultimate price.
Then came the loneliness and the reality that he was never coming back. No matter how many times I wished or promised to do things, he will never come back. This is where I have problems accepting. My brain tells me that there is nothing I could have done to prevent what was to be the inevitable, but my heart cries constantly on how senseless it was to lose such a young, polite, fun-loving, potential young man over one lousy 200 Mg. dose of MSContin. He had so much life in him and as parents and grandparent we had expectation of what he would become. All those hopes and dreams were shattered in less than one night.
Now I still yearn and miss him terribly, but all I can do is hang on to the beautiful memories he left behind so I can do my best to keep him alive by sharing his them with others. His death will also be an instrument to warn others of the dangers that can happen when ingesting other people's prescribed medications. He will forever be in my heart, and I will love him until the day I die.
Hugs...Shannon
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