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| From:  Andyhunt74 (Original Message) | Sent: 1/19/2008 8:09 PM |
I'm sorry but I can't stop crying I have no one to talk to who wants to talk about Jacob.
My mind won't stop thinking. I've never known pain like this and I think I'm going mad.
I tried taking my own life on New Years Day but half and hour after I did it I felt as if I was being pushed in asking for help I actually felt afterwards that this isn't what Jacob wanted but I just needed to stop the pain and I wanted to be with him so much. I stayed at my parents home for two weeks after and I felt like I was getting back on track. Now I'm a mess again and can't do anyhting I stay in my pj's all day I don't sleep I'm constantly thinking of my son. You'll all understand how I feel and I'm sorry if I upset anyone I just don't know how to cope.
I'm in the middle of redecorating Jacob's room I feel it was worse and harder to deal with having his room as it was but it's still Jacobs room and Joshua's playroom.
I'm sorry to ask this but before Jacob passed I believed we all passed onto something better. Now Jacob has gone I don't know what to believe I spoken to countless mediums and 3 out of the 4 I have seen have given me vital info. that they could'nt have known. If there is somewhere else why don't I feel my son round me why won't he let me know he forgives me for not being there for him, unless he doesn't forgive me.
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense I'm rambling.
Jacobs mummy Andrea x |
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