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Sexy Gifts For Spicing Up Your Love Life
By Veronique DiSorrento
Special for eDiets

There are many who say Christmas is just for children, but most grown-ups know Santa isn’t the only one sneaking around after midnight.

So with holiday good cheer in mind for the ho-ho-ho in you, we offer a guide for sexy gifts for all budgets.

Dessert’s On Me
Make your lover a work of art with Shunga edible Chocolate Body Paint. De-licktable dark chocolate paint comes with its own paintbrush in a shapely bottle for just $8.99. Available from drugstore.com.

Warm Fuzzies
Body fur is something we usually want to remove, but not when it’s mink. Don a Dyed Red Mink Thong Bikini and your lover will find you strokably soft. And if red isn’t your shade, you can choose from four other colors. The minkini is "only" $210 from Furs New York.

Hold The Anchovies
We all tend to overeat during the holidays, but you’re sure to burn off extra calories if you’re snacking on Edible Panties. Available from nawtythings.com for $2.95 a pair, choose from seven luscious flavors including strawberry champagne, cherry (presumably, once it’s gone, it’s gone), pink champagne, strawberry-chocolate, passion fruit, chocolate and piña colada. And if you’re on a low-carb diet, you can order crotchless and sugarless gummy versions.

Sheet Music
Forget Barry White and Marvin Gaye, you need the original love machine music: Ravel’s "Bolero." Composed in the 1920’s this piece features the famous Latin melody repeated 18 times with increasing intensity and passion until the thrilling climax. Famously utilized by a beaded and be-rowed Bo Derek with Dudley Moore in the movie 10, you’ll need to practice to keep up with it for 15 minutes. Available to download from the iTunes music store for just 99 cents.

Corkscrewed
If you’ll be opening lots of bottles of wine this holiday season, your hands might get tired -- but not if you have something special to hold on to. We're certain you’ll keep a good grip on the Dicky Cork Screw. Available from dimout.com for just $6.79.

For Desperate Housewives
Spice up your book club with the classic erotic tale of Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D H Lawrence. Banned in the United States until the 1950’s, the steamy pages tell the story of Constance Chatterley, who, trapped in an unhappy marriage, has an affair with her husband’s gamekeeper. Available in various editions from amazon.com.

Bodily Fluids
Don’t massage your lover with just any old oil. You need 100 percent Emu oil. We don’t know exactly what part of the Emu it’s from, but it has been used for centuries in Australia as a medicinal and contains both omega-3 and omega-6 essential fatty acids, making it a potent anti-inflammatory with anti-aging effects. You’ll certainly be rubbed the right way. Priced from $10.99 at massagewarehouse.com.

Ticket To Ride
If your passion is voluptuous, but your wallet is thin, try making a coupon book for your lover with certificates for intimate treats like a massage, bubblebath or striptease to be redeemed throughout the year. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Here’s hoping your stockings are stuffed exactly the way you like them.

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Yes, good sex is one of life's greatest pleasures. It enriches us in every way and reminds us of what we cherish in ourselves and our partners.

But satisfying sex is not automatic, although it can be effortless. And, contrary to much popular thinking, 
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it's not a question of mechanics.

Good sex starts with a great attitude, insist psychologists Michael S. Broder and Arlene Golman, co-authors of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy, a new offering in the Psychology Today Here to Help series. You and your partner need to foster an environment that's conducive to ecstasy-and then let it happen.

"By giving yourself permission to experience pleasurable sensations in the moment, by connecting to your partner and by learning to openly express your desires, turn-on and pleasures and by asking for what you want, you will be well on your way to making sexual ecstasy a scintillating new facet of your relationship," they observe.

We live in a culture that sizzles with sex-on TV, in our computers, on magazine racks. But the net effect of all the sexual information that bombards our brains can be confusing. It can fill us with false expectations, inspire shame and guilt, and block the natural flow of thoughts and feelings our minds require to become aroused.

Goldman and Broder spell out what you can do to begin your journey to sexual ecstasy. If your partner is receptive, have him or her complete the exercises alone or with you. Here are some tips:

* Identify the sexual myths that are getting in the way of your sexual pleasure (common ones: that you can't have good sex until you have a perfect boy, that you have to have an orgasm every time you make love, that good sex must always be spontaneous). What are some of the likely sources of these myths? How can you remove these myths and obstacles from your sex life?

* Reflect on how your upbringing may be connected to certain attitudes and beliefs you may have today about sex. Ask yourself a simple question: Do these beliefs and attitudes support me/us or not? If the answer is no, then your task is to let go of those that don't.

* In private, write down your own personal definition of sexual ecstasy. Ask your partner to do the same, in private. Share what you have written. If your views of sexual ecstasy differ, begin to discuss ways in which you can reconcile any differences.

* Identify at least one other source or type of information that could help you to resolve questions that you have regarding sex and your sexual potential.

* If possible, identify at least one non-sex-related issue in your relationship that could possibly be hindering sexual pleasure.

And that's just for starters. You can get all the secrets of great sex by clicking on amazon.com and ordering Psychology Today Here to Help: Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy by Drs. Broder and Goldman.

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How To Make A Woman Swoon

By Michele Hickford
 
 
January 1, 2005 
 
As much as creaky Broadway musicals and thumping rap tracks may seem to emphasize it, a little "bling bling" isn’t the only way to a woman’s heart. And what’s more, believe you me, when it comes to showing your girl how much you care, size does NOT matter. It’s the little things that really count.
First, a few guidelines. The little gestures have to be totally unselfish. For example, you can’t give a present of a cheesecake cookbook when you’re the one who really loves cheesecake -- and she’s the one who’s going to have to bake it. You can’t offer to give her a backrub if you see it solely as an opportunity to remove articles of her clothing with the lights on (generally however, offers of neck, scalp and/or foot rubs are greatly appreciated and excellent selections).

So anyway, let’s discuss the little gestures that will definitely give you extra points (and rest assured, we ARE keeping score). We’ll start with those that cost nothing. Saying, "Did I ever tell you I love you?" (especially when sober) is a good start, but there are other phrases that work very well, such as, "You really are beautiful" and "Wow! You look fantastic."

 Words are also very effective when they’re written. Surprise her with a little love note in her handbag or cosmetic drawer. You don’t need to buy a card... a well-placed sticky note can be very effective. Just make sure you spell her name correctly.

Moving along, we come to small purchases. Next time you’re doing the grocery shopping, come back with the latest issue of her favorite magazine. Scented candles are nice too. And when she asks you why you bought them, simply say, "Because you look so beautiful in candlelight."

Now that the temperatures are dipping, cozy things will warm the cockles of her heart. Resist the urge to buy the lace teddy and stockings (unless you enjoy wearing them yourself) and instead bring her some fuzzy socks or a fleece top.

And finally, the little gesture that really says you care. The one that makes us girls swoon and brag about you to all our friends. The one thing that makes just about everything else seem insignificant. Put the damn toilet seat down.

You are reading a sample of "What Women Want" that now runs in our brand new Sex Factor newsletter.

MY HUSBAND'S TOO ATTACHED TO MOM

I really love my husband of two years and he loves me, too. But he is so attached to his family, especially his mother, that it makes me feel insecure and results in depression. I have tried speaking to him about this, but he feels I am being selfish and unfair to his mom by saying so. We now live in a different country than his parents. But she calls almost every day to say that she misses him, and when we visit them she accompanies us everyplace. Is it normal to feel this way and how can I free myself from this insecurity?
-- Name Withheld

It’s wise to choose a spouse who has good relations with his own parents. That said, you also want a spouse who can be on your side in life, who can freely achieve and exercise independence without feeling that he’s sacrificing closeness to his parents.

Balancing closeness and distance in relationships is always a high-wire act for grown parents and children, and circumstances such as being in a different country can make a person exaggerate feelings of distance to the point of panic. That may be happening both to your husband and to your mother-in-law. Getting settled in and feeling comfortable and successful in a new country can set up longing for home that may be making your husband especially receptive to calls from his mother.

Under no circumstances should you be making your husband feel that he has to choose between his wife or his mother, or that choosing you means abandoning his mother. But he does have to find a way to manage an intrusive parent, and that’s not easy.

Times of change are stressful for everyone and no two people adapt on the same timetable. It may be that you want extra attention from your husband at this time while he’s feeling at sea himself.

You do need to talk to your husband about this. My guess is that the problem is not the fact of having a conversation but in how you raise the topic. And by now, he probably expects anything on this subject to go badly and would like to avoid it. Whatever else you do, don’t approach the subject from a critical perspective; that will only make him more defensive and more protective of his mother, which makes you feel alienated. Alienation is indeed a recipe for depression.

Instead, tell him that you love him, and need and would like more attention and support from him. You’re most reminded of your own need when he talks to his mother and supports her. But be sure to ask your husband if he would like more attention from you.

And the next time you’re about to visit your mother-in-law, you might ask your husband if he’s comfortable with his mother’s constant company. If he’s not, he might need your help brainstorming polite ways he can ask her not to accompany you two everywhere.

If he is, you might ask him what makes him feel that way. Does he feel guilty about living so far from his parents?

Remember, you’ll never be able to have the discussion you need until you raise the topic with great tenderness and sympathy.

Of course, there are always at least two sides to every issue, and part of the problem may really be oversensitivity on your part -- a kind of jealousy of attention he bestows on anyone else. That comes from a weak sense of self; attention devoted to someone other than yourself becomes rejection and a prime pathway to depression.

Be sure you have a variety of ways besides your husband’s attention to build up your own sense of self. Be sure to spend time building your own interests and accomplishments. That will make you less sensitive to attention your husband pays to other important people in his life.

WE'VE GONE FOR EIGHT YEARS WITH NO SEX

I have been married for almost 10 years now and over the past eight years there has been no sex in our relationship. My husband has no sex drive although he has seen the doctor and was prescribed Viagra, which did not work. There is no passion in our marriage and I am tired of it. I recently started having an affair with someone from out of state whom I've known for years. We get together every couple of months and have wonderful sex. He is a tender lover and knows all the things I like. However, I am feeling guilty about this affair. I resent the fact that my husband and I are not intimately involved. I have brought up the tender subject several times and don't get any results. I bring up the subject calmly and usually get no reaction. He is a good man and I love him, but I really miss the sex part of our life. I really don't know how to approach the subject anymore. Please don't use my name if this is printed.
-- Name Withheld

Tenderness is a fine quality in a lover and so is a polished technique. But that’s all very mechanical. Really good sex is much more, and it starts with a really good emotional connection between two people. That’s where you’re husband is likely to find his missing sex drive -- and it’s time to start searching for it.

Having sex with an old friend is a sure-fire way to continue keeping passion out of your marriage. What is missing from your life is the courage for you and your husband to be your whole selves with each other. Of course, you don’t get it by keeping secrets from your spouse.

Because sex drive is not a function of penile hydraulics but of the brain, flagging sex drive is not ever responsive to Viagra. Viagra, however, can be seen as the best thing to happen to doctors: it makes it easy for them to avoid dealing with sex problems, about which most know very little anyway. (Be sure to check out eDiets Sex Factor newsletter for tips and tidbits on this always-interesting topic.)

Sex drive does have something to do with general health, and lots more to do with general mental state, what else is absorbing someone’s energy, desire for you as a partner, and the state of your relationship. What your husband’s doctor should do is talk confidentially with him and rule out any physical condition that needs attention.

It’s also possible that his lack of desire stems from emotional involvement in an affair. He could be doing as good a job of keeping that secret from you as you are keeping yours from him.

We Americans are generally taught that sexual desire has a life of its own, especially in men; you don’t have to do anything to it, it’s just there. But that is not really how it works.

Sexual desire -- and sexual satisfaction -- is most powerfully affected by the nature of your marital relationship. You’ll never realize it, or taste it, until you are willing to engage your husband deeply as a human being, and he you.

You might want to familiarize yourself with work of psychologist David Schnarch, one of the country’s premier sex therapists. In his groundbreaking book Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, he counsels couples not to focus not on sexual mechanics but on "reducing the time their minds are apart while their bodies are together."

You’ve got to open up your heads to each other. Desire will come from his wanting to share something with you.

Hara Estroff Marano is Editor-At-Large of Psychology Today magazine and Editor-In-Chief of Psychology Today's Blues Buster, a newsletter about depression. An award-winning writer on human behavior, Hara’s articles have appeared in publications including the New York Times, Smithsonian, Family Circle and The Ladies Home Journal. She lives in New York City.

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In her 38th week of pregnancy, the only thing certain about Monique Hoch's impending delivery was that the baby was going to be a boy.

''I didn't know when I was going to have the baby. I didn't know how I was going to have the baby. I didn't know where I was going to have the baby. And I didn't know who was going to deliver,'' recalls Hoch, 33, of Lancaster, Ohio.

Up until that 38th week, she thought she had most of the answers. She'd been under the care of the same obstetrician who had delivered her first child by cesarean section at the only hospital in town.

Hoch had made it clear to him that she didn't want a repeat C-section. ''The recovery from the C-section was so hard on me,'' she says. ''I didn't like not being able to care for my baby right off the bat.''

But two weeks before her due date, the hospital vetoed her plan to attempt a vaginal birth after cesarean, or VBAC.

About 10% of all pregnant women have had a previous C-section, says Mark Landon, an Ohio State University OB-GYN who led a VBAC study published this week in The New England Journal of Medicine.

As the U.S. C-section rate continues to climb -- preliminary government data show it hit 27% in 2003, an all-time high -- the proportion of pregnant women with a previous cesarean will continue to rise.

''Not all of these women are candidates for a trial of labor, but the majority probably are,'' Landon says. Because Hoch was determined to deliver vaginally, her doctor referred her to Landon. With his and her husband's assistance, she achieved her goal at the OSU hospital in Columbus, 30 miles from Lancaster.

After peaking at 28% in 1996, the proportion of U.S. women who delivered vaginally after a prior C-section dropped to 10.6% in 2003, the preliminary data show.

Several factors have fueled the decline. In the early to mid-1990s, health-care plans looking to cut costs had mandated that all women with a prior C-section try to deliver their next baby vaginally. But not all were good VBAC candidates.

In some cases, their uterine scar from a previous C-section ruptured, or tore, during labor. Usually, mothers and babies do fine after a uterine rupture, but severe tears may cause heavy bleeding, endangering both.

Indiscriminate VBACs gave rise to a slew of lawsuits against hospitals and doctors, spurring them to resume practicing the philosophy of once a cesarean, always a cesarean.

At around the same time, new research supported the notion that babies were more likely to die if their mothers opted for a VBAC instead of a scheduled repeat C-section. However, the studies were based on after-the-fact reviews of birth certificates and hospital discharge codes, which can yield incomplete or inaccurate information. Also, their definitions of ruptures varied. So the VBAC level of risk remained unclear.

But in 1999, a one-word change in guidelines from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists pushed the VBAC rate even lower. The group advised that only hospitals with a surgical team immediately available allow VBACs. Previously, the group had recommended that a surgical team be readily available, interpreted as no more than a half-hour drive away.

Many hospitals and doctors simply got out of the VBAC business and began requiring that pregnant women with a prior C-section deliver subsequent babies the same way.

Fairfield Medical Center, where Hoch had delivered her first son in 2002, began prohibiting VBACs this past summer, right around the time she was due to deliver her second son. The previous year, 20 to 25 of the hospital's 1,200 deliveries were VBACs, says Jerry Roche, vice president and chief medical officer.

''We stopped doing elective VBAC for two reasons: patient safety and liability concerns,'' says Roche, noting that his hospital lacks round-the-clock, in-house anesthesiologists.

While Landon doubts that his findings will persuade community hospitals to resume VBACs, they should be reassuring for women who prefer to avoid another C-section.

''The most important thing is that women make informed choices with the best data available,'' Landon says.

Although the uterine rupture risk is higher in women who try a VBAC than in those who deliver by scheduled cesarean, the actual number of complications is quite small, Landon and his collaborators found.

''There are definitely risks associated with a cesarean delivery,'' such as placenta complications in subsequent pregnancies, adds co-author Catherine Spong, chief of the Pregnancy and Perinatology Branch at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, which paid for the study.

The study included 17,898 women who attempted a VBAC and 15,801 who underwent a planned repeat C-section. They delivered at 19 academic medical centers from 1999 through December 2002. Nurses collected information from mothers' and babies' medical records at the time of delivery.

None of the planned C-section group experienced a rupture, compared with 124, or 0.7%, of the VBAC group. Hoch says it was an acceptable trade-off for the experience of vaginal delivery and a faster recovery.

Recalls Hoch: ''Afterwards, it was like, oh, I can actually sit up.''

To see more of USAToday.com, or to subscribe, go to http://www.usatoday.com

© Copyright 2004 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Co. Inc.

 

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Worry Cuts Chance for Conception
 
 
January 1, 2005 
 
SAN DIEGO, Apr 20, 2004 (United Press International via COMTEX) -- San Diego scientists say 
 
 
 
women who worry about medical methods for getting pregnant release fewer eggs than those who don't.

And as a result, they are less likely to have a healthy baby -- despite the advantage of assisted reproductive technology, a spokeswoman at the University of California-San Diego said.

Specifically, women who were concerned about their personal fertility program had 20 percent fewer eggs retrieved and 19 percent fewer eggs fertilized than women who worried less, Dr. Marian Damewood said Tuesday.

Also, women who were very concerned about missing work had 30 percent fewer eggs fertilized. Those who were very concerned about finances associated with assisted fertility also had a very high risk of not delivering a live infant.

"While no one has elucidated the physiological relationship between women's concerns and the outcomes of their ART cases, we know that stress has a number of negative systemic effects. Worry about missing work and fears surrounding ART medical procedures are definitely stress-inducers."

Copyright 2004 by United Press International.

 

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FDA Approves Quick HIV Diagnostic Test
 
 
January 1, 2005 
 
U.S. regulators said Friday they have approved an HIV test that takes only 20 minutes to process and is 99 percent accurate.

The Food and Drug Administration said OraSure Technologies' OraQuick Rapid HIV-1/2 Antibody Test only requires the use of oral fluids.

This oral test provides another important option for people who might be afraid of a blood test, said Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy G. Thompson. It will improve care for these people and improve the public health as well.

Although the test is approved to detect antibodies to HIV-1 and -2 when used on blood, Friday's approval of the test for use on oral fluid is limited to detection of antibodies to HIV-1.

Copyright 2004 by United Press International

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Breast MRI Beneficial in High-Risk Women
 
 
January 1, 2005 
 
Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scans can help to successfully detect tumors missed by mammography, according to the first international, multicenter trial comparing the two imaging methods in women at high-risk for breast cancer.

The results from the 
 
International Breast Magnetic Resonance Consortium (IBMC) trial were presented at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North American (RSNA) held in November 2004 in Chicago (IL, USA).

We want to find a screening modality that can improve detection in high-risk young women, including those with dense breast tissue, stated Constance Dobbins Lehman, M.D., Ph.D., assistant professor and director of breast imaging at the University of Washington Medical Center (Seattle, WA, USA).

Clinicians have been trying to establish the best screening modality for women genetically predisposed to breast cancer. As many as 50% of specific high-risk subgroups will develop breast cancer before the age of 50, according to Dr. Lehman. Mammography performs satisfactorily for the general population but is not the best way to image dense breast tissue. Women who are genetically at high risk need to be screened at a younger age, when they are more likely to have dense breast tissue.

The investigators at 13 sites assessed 367 women over the age of 25 (median age 45) with at least a 25% lifetime risk of breast cancer to compare the screening performance of mammography and MRI in high-risk patients. Each of the women had undergone mammography, MRI, and a clinical breast examination. They discovered that MRI had a 1.1% diagnostic yield, and mammography had a 0.3% diagnostic yield. MR findings result in 6% of women with a negative mammogram and a negative clinical breast exam being recommended for biopsy. Three additional cancers were detected in those women, said Dr. Lehman.

Women who undergo mammography screening have a significantly lower risk of dying from breast cancer, according to Dr. Lehman. She stressed that there is no evidence that MRI is an effective complement to mammography in the average-risk woman. Although MRI is a very powerful tool for detecting cancer, it is not perfect. There are benign areas of breast tissue that can look suspicious but do not represent breast cancer and yet may lead to a biopsy.

To see more of Medinews.com, or to subscribe, go to http://www.medinews.com

Copyright 2004 Medinews.com. All Rights Reserved.

 

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 Tests are Pregnant With Doubts

By Jackie Jadrnak
 
 
January 1, 2005 
 
Home pregnancy tests may not be as reliable as advertised when used very early in a pregnancy, according to an Albuquerque researcher.

Laurence Cole, professor of obstetrics and gynecology and chief of women's health research at the University of New Mexico, found that only one of 

18 products was sensitive enough to detect 95 percent of pregnancies on the first day of a missed period.

His study found overall that most tests would detect only 16 percent of pregnancies on the first day of a missed period. Most of the products' labels, though, claimed 99 percent accuracy, he said. His findings were published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

"If you wait a week, it doesn't matter which one you use," he said, contending that most products gave accurate results that far into a pregnancy.

A woman who believes she is not pregnant could endanger her fetus by drinking alcohol or taking medication that's not recommended during pregnancy, he said.

The disparity between the label claim and Cole's findings centers on the quantity of a particular hormone human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG present in a woman's urine early in a pregnancy. His findings show tests have to detect a level lower than generally required under guidelines of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

Ongoing research since that published study has shown that two products he has looked at First Response Early Result and Clear Blue Easy were sensitive enough to detect pregnancies at the earliest point.

"The FDA needs to change its rules," Cole said, adding that he has sent a copy of his research to that agency. "They set the standards 20 years ago."

Consumers should be able to look at all the tests on the shelf and compare how accurate and sensitive they are at detecting early pregnancies, he said.

An FDA spokeswoman said agency officials are aware of Cole's research and concede that he has a good point. "We need to have other experts weigh in," she added.

The spokeswoman, who asked not to be named, said labels on pregnancy tests do note that, if a test comes up negative but a woman still does not get her period, she should be retested. "The label could probably be clearer. It's something we could consider," the spokeswoman added.

Cole said his research has been funded by a private consumers organization and he has received no financing from manufacturers of pregnancy tests.

He and UNM do have a financial stake, however, in another area of his research. Cole is pursuing studies, unpublished to date, that indicate another form of hCG hyperglycosinated hCG is produced early in pregnancy. UNM is licensing that finding, Cole said, and he has a patent on a test for detecting hyperglycosinated hCG.

That form of the hormone isn't detected very well with current pregnancy tests, he said.

Copyright 2004 Albuquerque Journal