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| | From:  Suziblues2 (Original Message) | Sent: 9/28/2004 5:33 AM |
When somebody is on Methodone maint. is it normal to still want to shoot up? Too think about heroin all the time? To not be able to turn it down? I'm on 60 mill. should I get a raise? Thanx for any info. sue |
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Hi everybody, well I went to my clinic today and asked for a raise, the doctor wanted to know why I wanted a raise and I told her that I was just obsessing about heroin so much, and that I was afraid that my husband is going to have some while he was around me and I wouldn't be 'strong' enough to leave it alone. The doctor said that I shouldn't use the word "strong" enough. She said I should just say that I don't have the "coping skills" yet to manage that situation.......details details!!! Anyways, she gave me a 5 mil. raise and told me to see if that helps. She also said to give my husband the "boot" out the door because she beleives that I just don't have the personality to deal with it yet. My counsler said to call the police if he won't leave!!! I just said okay, and agreed, but I don't think I can do that. I wish he would join the clinic. So now I will be on 65 mil. All in all my clinic is pretty good. I live in a city just outside of Detroit, Sterling Heights. My clinic is in a city called Roseville, also a suburb of Detroit (I know Loving Mom, Karen, knows where I am, she's close by to me! and we also have something else in common: we both have sons that are no longer with us. Mine committed suicide while he was at Michigan State college when he was 19 yrs. old) . This is the second clinic I've been to. About 5 yrs. ago I was in another clinic in Warren (another city outside of Detroit) and after about 3 yrs. I detoxed out because I lost my job and couldn't afford the $75 per wk. anymore. Needless to say it wasn't long before I was doing heroin again. It's funny how I can manage a hundred dollar a day heroin habit but not a $75 per wk. methodone maintenence. Then again my dealer was a really nice older man who would give me lots of freebies and let me pay on time. (My normal personal credit history is shot to hell, but my dope credit is A-OK !! ) My sister also was going to this clinic, we used to go together. We used to get high together. We did just about EVERYTHING together.............then she died just days before her 49th birthday. She used to get siezures and she had one in her sleep and died. Sometimes I kinda wish I was with her, wherever she is. Thanx again and again for all the help. Hopefully this little raise with be what it takes to make me kind of level out. I'll keep posting. luv, sue |
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Sue,
you can't compare getting money for heroin while you were in active addiction with getting money for a legitimate medical treatment. When we are in our active state of addiction we will do anything to obtain money and most of it was illegal,immoral and degrading so when we give that up for treatment we also give up the behavior and all of the illegal activity to obtain money. So now we should be doing everything in our lives that would be indicative of a honest. trusting person who happens to be in recovery.
claude
-------Original Message-------
Date: 10/01/04 21:56:34
Subject: Re: willpower?
willpower?
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| From: Suziblues2 |
Hi everybody, well I went to my clinic today and asked for a raise, the doctor wanted to know why I wanted a raise and I told her that I was just obsessing about heroin so much, and that I was afraid that my husband is going to have some while he was around me and I wouldn't be 'strong' enough to leave it alone. The doctor said that I shouldn't use the word "strong" enough. She said I should just say that I don't have the "coping skills" yet to manage that situation.......details details!!! Anyways, she gave me a 5 mil. raise and told me to see if that helps. She also said to give my husband the "boot" out the door because she beleives that I just don't have the personality to deal with it yet. My counsler said to call the police if he won't leave!!! I just said okay, and agreed, but I don't think I can do that. I wish he would join the clinic.
So now I will be on 65 mil. All in all my clinic is pretty good. I live in a city just outside of Detroit, Sterling Heights. My clinic is in a city called Roseville, also a suburb of Detroit (I know Loving Mom, Karen, knows where I am, she's close by to me! and we also have something else in common: we both have sons that are no longer with us. Mine committed suicide while he was at Michigan State college when he was 19 yrs. old) .
This is the second clinic I've been to. About 5 yrs. ago I was in another clinic in Warren (another city outside of Detroit) and after about 3 yrs. I detoxed out because I lost my job and couldn't afford the $75 per wk. anymore. Needless to say it wasn't long before I was doing heroin again. It's funny how I can manage a hundred dollar a day heroin habit but not a $75 per wk. methodone maintenence. Then again my dealer was a really nice older man who would give me lots of freebies and let me pay on time. (My normal personal credit history is shot to hell, but my dope credit is A-OK !! )
My sister also was going to this clinic, we used to go together. We used to get high together. We did just about EVERYTHING together.............then she died just days before her 49th birthday. She used to get siezures and she had one in her sleep and died. Sometimes I kinda wish I was with her, wherever she is.
Thanx again and again for all the help. Hopefully this little raise with be what it takes to make me kind of level out. I'll keep posting.
luv, sue | | View other groups in this category.
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Well, hopefully that's how it works for all of us on maintenance. The difference is really just cost. If methadone cost as much as heroin, I can definitely see myself hustling to pay for it. Fortunately, it's not expernsive, but for some reason I find myself in the same situation as Suzi. I get so lazy on the methadone that I almost run out of money to pay the bill. Sure, I can force myself to get up and do things. In fact, until a year ago I was working 60-70 hours a week, and I did that for about five years. But I was ALWAYS tired, and taking the last year or so off hasn't made me any less exhausted. It's just the nature of the substance. How many maintenance patients do you know that just sit at home and watch TV all day? I did that, until I got a computer.  It was the same thing when I was on H. I would be really stupid and just sit around all day, until I ran out of dope. Then I would be desperate and sick, just bc I didn't go out and make some money in advance. Also, some people might be in very different situations, like having to support kids, or a husband that's still using. I can see methadone payments becoming a very big problem then. |
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Hi 123, and everybody, It turns out that the raise is what I needed. I'm feeling way calm now. Although, my husband is really pissing me off lately. I wish I could be strong enough to just let him shoot up and not freak out about it, but I'm not. I know that if he does heroin, I'll do it too. And he doesn't have a license to drive so it's ME who will have to give him a ride to cop. Unless I just let him use my car....then I'll be a nervous wreck thinking he'll get pulled over. One look at him and any sadly any cop would probably check him. (pony tail, beard) and where we go to cop is kind of an all black neighborhood and cops KNOW what is up if a white person is in that hood, so it's instant bust if a cop sees him, then my car is impounded and all kinds of bad crap. ANYWAYS I wish I had the "copeing skills" (theraphy talk) to deal with my husbands addiction. I don't really know what to do about it. I can't be avoiding him forever. I kind of wish he would just leave me alone until he figures out what he's going to do. But of course he has no where to go, if I kick him out he'll be on the streets. My therapist at the meth clinic says it's not my problem, but I'm sure. It IS my problem, he is my husband, he's sick and I WANT to help him but I also want to kick heroin!! Oh yeah, he said he'd join the clinic, but he can't until the doctor goes there again, which won't be until next week sometime......in the mean time please pray for me that I'll have the strength to help him and at the same time not jepordize my self. luv, sue ps: you guys are great and every nite I thank God for ya all. |
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| | | From: Curio | Sent: 10/7/2004 3:10 AM |
Hi Suzie. I'm glad you're feeling better. Tuff stuff being married to an active addict while you're trying to change. My expereince in this area comes from my relationship with my now ex husband. I ended up leaving him cause we had a child and by the time she was Two it was painfully apparent to me that if I didn't leave, this kid was gonna end up without either parent. We loved each other, yes, and ir was not that I stopped loving him, it was that I needed to stay alive. Today we have a goood relationship and our love for each other has changed in to one of support for each other from a distance. I could not stay clean while he was still using...I would get resentful, and angry and tried to make it work, but we were no longer on the same wave legnth and that became painfully apparent the longer I stayed clean. I have heard of people making it as long as they are comitted to folllowing the same path. I have heard of people staying in the relationship, too..with ALOT of outside help and support. Ya just grow apart when you're not running buddies anymore.... It's something that you will have to decide all on your own, but I hope you will continue to ask for help and support, cause for me it was the hardest thing I did. Broke my heart..and his.....at the time. I hope you keep posting here! God Bless. |
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Hi, Your devotion is inspiring. It made me sad reading that. I never had anyone who I loved enough to kick with in the same place at the same time.  Anyway, I'm done feeling sorry for myself now. It's good to hear that he'll be joining up at the clinic too. Hope everything goes well for you. onthe123 |
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Sue, I dont know what others have told you up to now but if you raise your dose of methadone you wont be "able" to feel heroin. Around 40mg and you wont get sick, if you go up from there it will become you "wont be able to feel it", you will be throwing money away if you use. Bull
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Hey Suziblues, I hate to say this but your counselor is right that your husbands addiction is NOT your problem. I went through the same thing with mine. I had to kick him out. Trust me, he made his way. He stayed "out there" for a short time and then decided he would try recovery. Now 11 years later WE are clean and have 2 week take home bottles. I'm not saying it was easy but you deserve it. It was hard for me just KNOWING that he was getting high. Let alone taking him to get it. If you want to, you can e-mail me to talk more. I defenitely will pray for you. Did you have children together? |
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wow Resee, thanx for the response! I hardly ever get a chance to get on a computer any more and today I did and saw your email. If you noticed, I wrote that a really long time ago! But it still 'hits home' , if ya know what I mean. The methadone worked wonders for me. Especially after I took the advice of all the people here on HoH and went ahead with a raise in my dose. To answer your question, yea, my husband and I do have kids together. We have 2 of them. One a daughter who is 21 and a son who is 23. We've been married FOREVER! We've been married for 24 years! Thats is very cool that you and your husband worked things out. You two sound like me and my hubby. Only I didn't kick him out (yet) and every once in a while I do get high with him. I know for a fact that if he wasn't around I wouldn't do heroin anymore at all. Thanx for your response, sue |
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| Hey Suzi, I have been on methadone for almost 27 years. It DOES NOT take away the desire to get high. I continued to use for almost 25 of those years every day. Even after I got on a high enough dose that I no longer felt the dope, I still had the desire to get high because that's all I ever did since I was 13 years old. I didn't know how to live any other way. I used xanax, crack, whatever I had. The methadone will take away the withdrawal and maybe block out the opiates , but you will still feel the need to use. It took me all those years to realize that the problem was not the heroin, xanax, or any other drug. the problem was and is that I am an addict, always will be. But now just don't use anything but my methadone. And I'm in the process of detoxing off that. You need to get up in your head and come to terms with the fact that you may always think about using. But you don't have to do it. It's just a thought and a thought can't hurt you unless you act on it. Peace! |
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TFP,
lets distinguish
the difference between a "desire" and cravings, cravings is caused by a chemical
imbalance in the brain that the continued use of opiates have created. When one
is prescribed the proper dose of methadone it will quiet down one's cravings for
opioids. But being on a proper dose is not the total treatment,once you are
stabilized on methadone then the hard work begins. It consists of
counseling,therapy,group sessions,vocational training,developing social
skills,communication skills,cleaning up all that stored up crap that we bury
inside,
deal with any medical problems,if there is
a dual diagnosis then one must obtain the proper care that is needed, learn
coping skills, etc. etc.. Now these things and more needs to compliment the
medication (methadone,buprenorphine, etc.)
Methadone alone is not treatment it is only
part of it. This is the mistake that many has made over the years and I blame
the clinics as a whole and I blame the addict for his /her part as we all must
take responsibility for getting well.
I was on meth approximately 5-6yrs before I
started to take my recovery serious and stop abusing all drugs and yeah I was
getting high because I had a desire to use plus I did have cravings because for
all that time I was never on a proper dose and didn't even realize it, I thought
this was as good as it gets and I have been free of drugs for 26yrs and I have
been on meth for 32yrs and I 'm here for the long
haul.
Claude
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 7:36
PM
Subject: Re: willpower?
willpower?
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| From: thefriendlypsychotic |
Hey Suzi, I have been on methadone
for almost 27 years. It DOES NOT take away the desire to get
high. I continued to use for almost 25 of those years every day.
Even after I got on a high enough dose that I no longer felt the
dope, I still had the desire to get high because that's all I
ever did since I was 13 years old. I didn't know how to live any
other way. I used xanax, crack, whatever I had. The methadone
will take away the withdrawal and maybe block out the opiates ,
but you will still feel the need to use. It took me all those
years to realize that the problem was not the heroin, xanax, or
any other drug. the problem was and is that I am an addict,
always will be. But now just don't use anything but my
methadone. And I'm in the process of detoxing off that. You need
to get up in your head and come to terms with the fact that you
may always think about using. But you don't have to do it. It's
just a thought and a thought can't hurt you unless you act on
it. Peace! | |
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Claude,
Of course you're right about cravings, when a person is stabilized on an adequate dose the physical cravings will recede. My point is that after that if you don't work on your addiction problem it's only a matter of time before a person uses again. When someone has spent their entire life avoiding problems by sedating themself, the absence of withdrawal symptoms alone will not keep them clean.You hit the nail on the head when you said that without counselling, support, meetings, etc., methadone is useless. I drank methadone for almost 25 years but continued to use every day. That is because I did not have a program of recovery. Today I see many young kids at the clinic who are under a false impression that methadone alone is all they need. I try to let them know that methadone is only part of what they need. It would be tragic to see them go down the same road as me. At least the clinic I am on has made many changes in this area over the last few years. During the first 15 or 20 years that I was on methadone, I rarely attended counselling sessions if at all, didn't go to any groups, and certainly didn't go to any meetings outside of the clinic. I can't help but think that if I had been persuaded to do these things I wouldn't be in my 27th year of maintainence treatment. However, I thank my higher power every day that I finally realized that my problem was myself. That without a program of recovery, I would continue killing myself with xanax, crack and other substances. For the last 2 1/2 years I've been clean, I get takehomes,
and I am finally detoxing slowly. I know that with my support group, meetings, and proper counselling that I will soon be off the methadone. But because I am an addict, I will still need to work my program for the rest of my life. Right now I'm back in college and majoring in behavioral health. I hope to one day work in the methadone field so that I can help others to realize the full potential of methadone treatment. |
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Tfp,
we are speaking the same language and we both know what is required for true
recovery and we also know that methadone was only meant to treat opiate
addiction and nothing else that is why if you don't change or modify what I
refer to as the "junkie mentality" or "dope fiend logic" .
Now you say that you have been clean of
drugs in the last 2 1/2 yrs due to methadone and you taking control and
participating in your recovery.
But what you have to examine and be honest
with yourself and only you can come to this determination as to whether your
latest success is contributable to being stable on methadone and it may just be
a fact that without remaining on methadone to keep your brain chemistry stable
that you may relapse.
I say this to anyone that I may mentor and
it would be no different if a doctor told his patient that once that stop taking
a prescribed medication that it may be possible for their disease to flair up or
it may just remain in check without it.
I pray that you and everyone else could
come off of all meds for all conditions and keep the different diseases and
ailments from flaring up. I know of noone myself included that would choose a
life taking all sorts of meds over a life where no meds would be necessary but
at the same time I will choose taking the meds for life over having my illness
run rampart.
much love
Claude
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, October 08, 2005 4:30
PM
Subject: Re: willpower?
willpower?
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| From: thefriendlypsychotic |
Claude,
Of course you're right
about cravings, when a person is stabilized on an adequate dose
the physical cravings will recede. My point is that after that
if you don't work on your addiction problem it's only a matter
of time before a person uses again. When someone has spent their
entire life avoiding problems by sedating themself, the absence
of withdrawal symptoms alone will not keep them clean.You hit
the nail on the head when you said that without counselling,
support, meetings, etc., methadone is useless. I drank methadone
for almost 25 years but continued to use every day. That is
because I did not have a program of recovery. Today I see many
young kids at the clinic who are under a false impression that
methadone alone is all they need. I try to let them know that
methadone is only part of what they need. It would be tragic to
see them go down the same road as me. At least the clinic I am
on has made many changes in this area over the last few years.
During the first 15 or 20 years that I was on methadone, I
rarely attended counselling sessions if at all, didn't go to any
groups, and certainly didn't go to any meetings outside of the
clinic. I can't help but think that if I had been persuaded to
do these things I wouldn't be in my 27th year of maintainence
treatment. However, I thank my higher power every day that I
finally realized that my problem was myself. That without a
program of recovery, I would continue killing myself with xanax,
crack and other substances. For the last 2 1/2 years I've been
clean, I get takehomes,
and I am finally detoxing slowly. I
know that with my support group, meetings, and proper
counselling that I will soon be off the methadone. But because I
am an addict, I will still need to work my program for the rest
of my life. Right now I'm back in college and majoring in
behavioral health. I hope to one day work in the methadone field
so that I can help others to realize the full potential of
methadone
treatment. | |
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Reply
| | | From: Snue | Sent: 7/7/2007 10:03 PM |
Hi Sue, I also am on methadone, i really craved a hit for the first few months on it but my now ex and my brother was still shooting up in front of me. I left the town and moved 20 mile away, i've since done a degree at university whilst on meth- my drug service lost me in the system and i got no help or support to come off- i cut myself down from 80 mls to 60 mls and had some sleepers off the doctor. The only time i craved gear was when i'd rowed with my present partner and it still hasn't changed now after 6 yrs of being off gear-sorry if that sounds negative but everyone is different i'm just low on self esteem since the gear and meth came into my life. I'm now down to 30 ml a day and fine til i feel depressed. You will get ove the initial craving, keep up the exercise, eat well and live life the best you can. Only YOU know when your ready. Take care Susanne |
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| | | From: lucky | Sent: 7/8/2007 6:39 PM |
your still not on a theraputic dose - you need to on anywhere from 70-120 to help with cravings, then start the tapering when ready. even at 60it would be hard to catch a buzz as the receptors are 'full' so you would be wasting your time anyway, unless you stopped taking the done for a day, but thats another story... g l Lucky |
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