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Hi all. I wanted to talk about how methadone makes me feel and think, and if I should just forget about this and try actually leading a normal life, as if I wasn't on it at all. My plan, for the last 10 years or so, was to go back to school. Since I've been on the juice, though, I've felt like I can't really put myself into it completely. I mean, I dropped out in the first place because I didn't feel like I was 100% into it, and the fact that I couldn't decide what to study was a big part of this. I still don't know what I "want to do with my life", but it's been so long I'm thinking maybe I should just go back anyway. But then there's this methadone thing. It just makes me tired and unfocused. I can't imagine trying to be focused and sharp for like twelve hours a day. One or two is about my limit. I'm talking about doing some serious work. I can work a job OK, but school takes hard thought. I really don't want to just "get by", or else I'm still thinking I should just quit methadone first, before I go back. I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who has an opinion on the subject, or anecdotes about what you were able to accomplish on methadone, or not able to. Or any other suggestions, really. I could switch to buprenorphine. In the back of my mind I still think I want to be completely substance free though. Hmm... |
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First and foremost consider your health and your LONGTERM survival.. fuck the cost to society (harm reduction), fuck abstinence.. what matters is you and your self.. school can be completed at anytime. bu recovery is now.. just make sure not
o make methadone your life, it is but a tool o hop e fence from using heroin and its rituals to living dope free.. I have done e meth trip and school myself, you are on to high a dose if you can' concentrate, try taking it after school instead of before, etc.. I suggest only using methadone until you no longer crave the needle, the foil the rail.. etc.. after that you are just harming yourself for nothing.. another opion is o use a morphine detox, taper of the meth, go a low dose of morphine, which affects the brain differently than both heroin and methadone..
YES I do understand.. about e blank page syndrom.. I suffered from anyime I was over 50mgs per ml. canadian.. I guess 100mills.. american.
For anybody who doesn't recognize me I have been around a long time.. off the scene for a few years.. but Thunderkiss can vouch for me..
I am a ten year addict of oppiates, I have used methadone three times in different methods to become 1 opiate free, 2 working AND schooling 3. to save my ass from the street.. I am college educated and stubborn.. my advice comes from experience and heart felt concern and desire for something better...
Live long and prosper..
intellegence to know the difference...
CcNewitt |
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Hi, I got an associate degree in paralegal while on 65 ml. of methadone. I was on the deans list all through college. I had a lot of personal motivation though. Good luck to you, ontheone. It's a lot of work, but worth it. luv, sue |
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Thanks for the replies y'all. I wasn't sure if anyone even came over here to the methadone board. I'm actually only on 35mg a day, but I still feel pretty tired. I do find it's much better if I take some in the morning and some in the afternoon, so I feel less up and down at different times of the day. But then you always have to go back and dose at the clinic, which kind of messes it up.
So Suzi, did you feel like it would have been easier if you weren't on methadone?
onthe1 |
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Hi 1, Ya know, I have no idea if it would have been easier without being on methadone. I didn't feel tired. But I was MUCH younger than I am now! Somewhere I heard that feeling tired may indicate you're not on the proper dose...like not enough? Because then your sleep is interupted at night and you feel tired all day. One time I split my Sunday take home, I really didn't notice the differance that much. I may try that again this Sunday though. luv, sue |
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I'm pretty sure I've always been on too low a dose. I mean, I've always felt tired during the day and can't sleep at night. But the thing is, I'm trying to quit! So what to do, I don't know. I mentioned the same thing to my methadone doctor the other day. In terms of my medical health, I should be at a higher dose. But then I'm trying to slowly detox. It's just the way it is- fucked up! There's just something about opiates that makes you NEED it if you want for your metabolism to function properly. Jeez, that sounds pretty bad. The methadone must be influencing my mind so I think it's the only way to live or something. Ahhh! I've like completely forgottten what it's like to be totally clean.
As for the split dosing, I mean, if you don't notice the effects of the methadone in the first place, you probably won't notice splitting your dose. The thing is, it's really hard to remember what it's like to be not on methadone, so usually I don't really notice what it's like to be on it. It kind of makes you forget about itself. But I remember kicking, and how I felt after. It was liek waking up. It was like I forgot who I was for all the years that I was using, and then I remembered. It's somewhat similar to being on some psychedelics, like mushrooms especially. In a big way some of the psychedelics are like the opposite of opiates. They're like withdrawals, but without the pain.
Well, I'm rambling a bit, but how long you been on methadone Suzi?
Oh, and cc, if you're still around, as to the morphine detox you're talking about, is that something legal?
Thanks y'all.
onthe1 |
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| | | From: Sha | Sent: 12/21/2004 7:04 PM |
Hey onthe1..good question and thread and you're right I don't ever come over to this board..not sure why that is. From now on I think I'm gonna go to 'view all message boards at once' Just being lazy there. It's true for me as well..I get so tired..someone mentioned not being on a high enough dose can cause that..does anyone know if this is true? I'm on 65 mls a day..down from 115..been on this last program for 7 years now (wow..that long huh). It's weird you'd think it would be the opposite..more tired on a higher dose. What I was on a higher dose though was brain dead..or so it seemed. My skin was always clamy and cold to the touch..even in really hot weather..of course there's the sweating in cold weather too...man what a mix up. So now at 65mls I'm still craving..but I think that's because I'm not keeping myself as busy as I should be. I tried the moving away stuff too..many times..I always found H or it always found me..oh woe is me. Like anything we depend on the 'routine' of juice..it can catch up with us..specially when we realize maybe its' time to try going without it..does anyone here have no plans of coming off methadone...or maybe the better question is "Do you think trying to come off of methadone and not being able to is an indication you might have to stay on it for life..is it a game we play with ourselves and should we just accept we (if it applies), are one of the hardcore addicted and get on with things as best we can?" How about trying apart time study program onthe1..like ease yourself into it. I have to say my concentration is okay at this dose. Sha lol. |
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Thanks for the response Sha. It's confusing to me, methadone. Even after being on it for seven years, I still haven't detoxed with it all the way, so I don't really know what it's like, and I don't really understand what lowering my dose has done to me either, maybe because it's been over such a long perioid of time. I think the thing with being more awake at a higher dose is the same thing as with heroin where you feel tired if you're sick, and you feel tired when you're high. Maybe feeling tired can be a response to not having enough methadone, where you're just kind of waiting to dose again, so you can feel normal and can function, and therefore be more awake. So in that sense, yes, we're probably undermedicated. But again, it's confusing. I don't know if you can really raise your dose to a proper level and then go down slowly and not feel it, which is what is supposed to be the way it works, right? So I suspect that if you want to quit, eventually you just won't feel right. But OTOH I don't really feel right at any dose I've tried, not like I feel when I'm completely clean. So I think maybe I just have to go through this being tired thing if I want to quit. Of course I hope I'm wrong, and it IS possible to quit without much pain at all, but really, how can that be possible? As for being a "lifer", I dont thnk I could ever allow myself to think I'd be on it forever. I always think I'm going to quit soon, like, "as soon as I get my shit together", you know? Maybe in thirty years or so I'd give up trying to quit, but I don't know, I think even then I'd want to try. I still see my life on methadone as sort of a waste. Well, not a waste, that's too harsh a word, but I feel like I'm just taking a break from my real life. Maybe that's why it's so hard to envision myself going back to school now. I was going to do that after I was done taking my break. And I'm still kind of hoping everything will become clearer when I quit, so I can come up with a plan for something better to do with my life. Not that I'm that ambitious or anything, but I'd like to do something that I don't hate. onthe1 |
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| | | From: blusky | Sent: 1/19/2008 9:27 AM |
I live in the UK & have been on meth since Feb 07. I started working in an office in Mar07 & havnt looked back. It was scary to start with, i hadnt mixed with "normal" people in years, certainly hadnt held down a full time job. It was making of me though. In a matter of months i was promoted to manager & it has really given me the focus i needed. My employers dont know about my dependancy , i just pop to the chemist twice a week. Sometimes you've just got to take a chance, if it doesnt work just try again. Maybe a part time course would be a goos idea to get you started & build your confidence.
Good luck |
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Hi Blusky, Welcome to H OF H. I think your post will be hard to see way over here, why dont you start a new thread and introduce your? Im so glad Meth is working for you. You touched on something that i try to tell people when they are against Methdaone. It might be replacing one drug for another( i dont believe that but some do) But it helps to change an addicts life so they can think clearly and not have to worry about getting sick. I think its incredible, I just wish more people would realize that and I hope before i leave this earth people are being treated in doctors offices instead of clinics, where they belong. Love Karen  |
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Man did this hit home!! I've also been on meth for 6 1/2 - 7 years, I forget how long. Now I'm on a reversable detox for constant using. 3 mg a day, down to 18 now & really confused. But I've realized that the whole time, I was on methadone just so I wouldn't get sick when I used. I never changed ANYTHING about myself. And if I can do this, I'm going to try to get off meth and start working on me. I'm 51 and been an addict most of my life. Even though I'm no longer doing life on the installment plan in prison anymore or selling dope or all the other shit I used to do, I realize I'm still that same old person and it scares me, makes me mad, sad, just down on myself. But it is amazing even though I can't sleep & feel like shit, I actually feel good. Sounds wierd but I think that this is what I needed was a wake up call. |
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Gypsy, Thats the insanity of ADDICTION... Doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result.. Did you ever think that maybe all this time you have been on methadone you were not on the right dose? Im no expert on Methadone cause Ive never been on it but i know so many people say if your on the right dose you dont crave. Much Love Karen |
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