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I wondered if anybody could give me any tips. I was promised a score of some methadone this evening so I took all of tomorrows dose. I have been let down now, (typical)!. My husband has scraped together 100ml for me, but I usually take 200 - 250 a day. I a scripted 150 ml per day but always buy on top. I have run out of suppliers. I am really worried about how I am going to be. Could anybody give me some advice. I have an appointment at the clinic next Monday to speak to the doctor about putting my script up, but they have refused to help me before then. I am really panicking here. I have to work a night shift and I don't want to be ill. Vikki. |
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Hi Vikki: Have you tried using gravol? One other thing that I find has helped me is taking tylenol with codeine. I feel so bad for you, I have done the same thing many many times. If there is any way you could take some time of work now would be the time. Sometimes the methadone will last much longer than we think. I believe that it is partly psychological at least in my case and in several other users that I have talked to. What about going in to work and if you find that you are in really bad shape can you leave early? I hope that some of my suggestions are of some help to you. I just remembered one other trick that has helped me is to practice breathing. Take care and I hope that you will manage to keep it together.
Regards
Joe
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Thank You Joe, although I'm not sure I deserve sympathy. Actually I did wonder about whether I would be ok posting that on here, or if everybody was actively in recovery. I don't think we have gravol here, but I have some co -codamol in the cupboard. I am so angry with the person who has let me down. Why didn't he just say no, he had none instead of stringing me along. That way I would have just kept today's dose! Never mind, I have just got in from the shops with my little 6 yr old daughter who is an angel. My baby is in nursery until late, and I have cancelled work for tonight so I should be fine. I have done this before and I was feeling bad for the first part of the day until I had made up my mind to forget about it, and then I felt fine, so yes, mostly it must be psychological. While I still think maybe I might score, then the feeling won't go. Maybe I should just make some phone calls to dry up all my resources, and then I can put my head back on straight! The breathing sounds like a good idea, as I have been having a panicky feeling since last night. I will try that in a minute! Vikki. |
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| | From:  ©Sha | Sent: 1/5/2005 3:33 PM |
Hon, I'm pretty sure alot of our feeling icky sickness is in our heads...by no means is that to say all of it is..just at a certain dose and amount of time on methadone..I tend to think there is enough of it in our systems to carry us. Like Sue said and I have come to find out as well when I haven't the prescribed dose available. It's those old demons come to freak us out..that's how bad being dope sick has been for some of us..we can't fathom a day without exactly what we should be taking. It's almost by panicing psychologically we are setting up our physiological systems to get sicker than it would if we didn't think about it. Good for you..I think switching shifts was smart..if there was any doubt whatsoever you did right. You definitely have that mental part of what you have to do down pat. Loved the pictures you posted..just saw them and do looks ever run in the family gal. The 3 generational one is great! As for mine..appreciate the kind words..but they are more than a few years old.. I'll post a more accurate one here shortly. Have a great day Beauty. Sha |
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Suzie, I am really interested in your sister's experience. You stated that she was on methadone for four years. Does this mean that she has managed to come off it? If so, would you tell me how she did it? and was she ill when she was reducing? I found this site looking for some positivity in making a reduction plan. At the moment, (it is 8pm) my nerves feel shot, my stomach is cramping and I just want to go to bed! Glad I didn't work! However, I did manage to contact my meth dealer, and he came through at 6pm but I haven't taken it. I am now trying to go without even though I did finally score. I think that after cancelling my shift I should try and get through the night without it. I am going to bed now, see how I go! Thanks for all the help. Suzie, I would appreciate it if you could tell me how your sister did it, I need to make some plans! Vikki. |
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| | | From: ©Sha | Sent: 1/5/2005 10:06 PM |
Hi again Vikki, I guess if you're cramping and feeling bad it was too much of a drop for one day..everyone is different. Feel better soon. Sha |
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Vikki, Wow, I hope you got throught the night okay. But you said you did have some just in case though, right? My sister was on and off methadone for several years. She died 2 years ago, in her sleep. She died because she had a siezure because she didn't get her med's refilled ( I think the medicine she was taking was called dilaton or something like that, for seizures). Anyways, my sister, God bless her, never did get clean. She tried and tried but even when she was on her methadone she would use heroin. It seems the methadone would just not last long enough for her. As a matter of fact about a year ago I did some research on the internet and found out that there are certain medicines that will do just that; make it so your methadone doesn't last, and the medicine that she was taking for her seizures was one of them. So she would drink her take homes early all the time because her normal dose would never hold her. She tried splitting her dose, and that seemed to help a little. And another strange thing, when she would do a urine test at the methadone clinic a lot of times there wouldn't be methadone in her urine! Her and her clinic went round and round about that. I KNOW she took her methadone, but because of the other meds she was on, it would not show in her urine. The clinic thought she was selling her methadone and made her pee in front of somebody ......and of course they made her drink her meth in front of the nurse, but still the meth wouldn't show in her urine test. This was several years ago, thankfully now they figured this out, about other meds in your system affecting your methadone. But she had a really rough time with it all. I miss her a lot these days, but I am comforted in the fact that she no longer has to put up with all this crap. Vikki, if you do decide to go on a detox, from what I learned here and at my clinic, you should go real real slow. Like maybe only one or two mg per month even. That way you shouldn't feel very uncomfortable. Then, when you're down to maybe 20 mg there is another drug you can switch too. Marco knows. Hey Marco, help me out here! Whatever you decide to do talk to your clinic doctor. And good luck to you Vikki. I think it was a smart thing to take the night off work. luv, sue |
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Hi again, I didn't mean to single Marco out. Actually there are a bunch of people here who know what they are talking about when it comes to medicine and methadone and detox and all that. I've never met a more intellegent bunch in my life regarding methadone! And they've helped me bunches and I'm sure they can help you too Vikki. luv, sue |
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Hi Sue, I am so sorry about your sister. That was not what I expected to hear. When you had written that she used to be on high amounts I just took it that she had managed to reduce or come off. How old was she when she died? How have your parents taken it that you were both addicted? Did you use together? In my area there are a lot of families that have got caught up in the heroin nightmare! In my case though, my brother not only hates it with a vengeance, but hates me to for being an addict. He thinks I am clean now, but still won't forgive me. He says I took his childhood. Like Sha, who has written on another thread, I have apologised but he cannot understand or have a scrap of empathy. I actually think he is selfish. I was thrown out of the house at 14 as soon as they knew, because they didn't know how to deal with it. Your family scenario must have been very different. Do you have any other siblings, and did they use, or are they unforgiving too? I have been very hurt by my mum today, who dotes on my daughter, but not my son. He is two years old today and she has phoned to say she cannot make it to come and see him. I am so upset by her. He is the loveliest little boy too, not naughty and very loving! Families! Do you miss your sister? It sounds as though you and she were very close. I was worried about your statement regarding her being at peace and out of all the hassle of addiction. Are you having a hard time, or did you just mean the trouble she had regarding her urine tests, etc? I suppose that the good thing about this site is that we all know and can empathise with the difficulties that we face with this disease. Not one of us wanted this either. I hate the stuff. By the way, I did manage to get some extra methadone last night, but (pat on my back!) I managed to get through the night without taking it!! I am so proud!! Thank you for your support, Sue, Sha and Joe. I am working tonight, but have a two year old's party to prepare, so I have to go! Thanks, Vikki. |
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| | | From: vinny | Sent: 1/6/2005 2:11 PM |
Hi - I'm in a very similar situation - my only living relative is a sister who clearly has no use for me. I'm a software engineer by trade, with a degree from MIT, never been married (no kids), but evidently, my sister has decided that I'm not "good enough" to be included in what is in her perception of what comprises a "normal family". I can't do anything about that, so I'm on my own, living as well as I can, with NO (real) living relatives. Vinny Subject: Re: Half my dose and not going to cope tomorrow
Half my dose and not going to cope tomorrow
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| | | From: Beauty-and-Beast-in-one |
Hi Sue, I am so sorry about your sister. That was not what I expected to hear. When you had written that she used to be on high amounts I just took it that she had managed to reduce or come off. How old was she when she died? How have your parents taken it that you were both addicted? Did you use together? In my area there are a lot of families that have got caught up in the heroin nightmare! In my case though, my brother not only hates it with a vengeance, but hates me to for being an addict. He thinks I am clean now, but still won't forgive me. He says I took his childhood. Like Sha, who has written on another thread, I have apologised but he cannot understand or have a scrap of empathy. I actually think he is selfish. I was thrown out of the house at 14 as soon as they knew, because they didn't know how to deal with it. Your family scenario must have been very different. Do you have any other siblings, and did they use, or are they unforgiving too? I have been very hurt by my mum today, who dotes on my daughter, but not my son. He is two years old today and she has phoned to say she cannot make it to come and see him. I am so upset by her. He is the loveliest little boy too, not naughty and very loving! Families! Do you miss your sister? It sounds as though you and she were very close. I was worried about your statement regarding her being at peace and out of all the hassle of addiction. Are you having a hard time, or did you just mean the trouble she had regarding her urine tests, etc? I suppose that the good thing about this site is that we all know and can empathise with the difficulties that we face with this disease. Not one of us wanted this either. I hate the stuff. By the way, I did manage to get some extra methadone last night, but (pat on my back!) I managed to get through the night without taking it!! I am so proud!! Thank you for your support, Sue, Sha and Joe. I am working tonight, but have a two year old's party to prepare, so I have to go! Thanks, Vikki. | |
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Vikki, I am glad you didn't take the extra
methadone. You have every right to be proud of yourself.
I am sorry to hear you Mum cant make it to your sons
birthday. I know you will make it up to him.
Have fun at the two year old party. They are the
best.
I so miss those days.
Love Karen
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2005 8:48
AM
Subject: Re: Half my dose and not going
to cope tomorrow
Half my
dose and not going to cope tomorrow
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| From: Beauty-and-Beast-in-one |
Hi Sue, I am so sorry about your sister. That was not
what I expected to hear. When you had written that she
used to be on high amounts I just took it that she had managed
to reduce or come off. How old was she when she
died? How have your parents taken it that you were both
addicted? Did you use together? In my area there are
a lot of families that have got caught up in the heroin
nightmare! In my case though, my brother not only hates it
with a vengeance, but hates me to for being an addict. He
thinks I am clean now, but still won't forgive me. He says
I took his childhood. Like Sha, who has written on another
thread, I have apologised but he cannot understand or have a
scrap of empathy. I actually think he is selfish. I
was thrown out of the house at 14 as soon as they knew, because
they didn't know how to deal with it. Your family scenario
must have been very different. Do you have any other
siblings, and did they use, or are they unforgiving too? I
have been very hurt by my mum today, who dotes on my daughter,
but not my son. He is two years old today and she has
phoned to say she cannot make it to come and see him. I am
so upset by her. He is the loveliest little boy too, not
naughty and very loving! Families! Do you miss your
sister? It sounds as though you and she were very
close. I was worried about your statement regarding her
being at peace and out of all the hassle of addiction. Are
you having a hard time, or did you just mean the trouble she had
regarding her urine tests, etc? I suppose that the good
thing about this site is that we all know and can empathise with
the difficulties that we face with this disease. Not one
of us wanted this either. I hate the stuff.
By the way, I did manage to get some extra methadone last
night, but (pat on my back!) I managed to get through the night
without taking it!! I am so proud!!
Thank you for your support, Sue, Sha and Joe. I am
working tonight, but have a two year old's party to prepare, so
I have to go!
Thanks,
Vikki. | |
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| | | From: ©Sha | Sent: 1/6/2005 4:30 PM |
I don't know the reason your mum had for not showing today but shame on her if favoritism played any part in it. Honestly it is her huge loss...kids are food for the soul they are..not having any probably makes me extra sensitive to that..they are gifts. I hope he had the best   B-Day   filled with laughter love..party favors..junk food and great people. Something tells me he certainly did and went to bed one tired but thrilled little man. You sound like a great mom...all the Mom's here do. It's the most under appreciated job in society today..and the most important. Although many are beginning to get that..there are still alot who do not. You have my respect big time..all of you...Dads too. Hey Vinny...liked the breathing advice very much..and you're right..it helps more than one would think. I'm going to look into it more..technique I mean..do you have any tips or know of any good sites I wonder? It sucks that you have to feel so alone..sure we did alot of stuff to alienate family but how long (in some cases), must we pay the price of a bad choice)? Yes the sibling/family thing can be really hard on an addict..not taking away from family members who have to witness what must seem like slowly killing ourselves every time we get high. There are so many roles, factors and emotions that play into the family dynamic. If we don't try and get help as a whole (which often times doesn't happen), we usually find ourselves alone in the struggle to get better. The tools and help of today far surpass anything I heard of when I started doing drugs..if indeed they even existed. And what did exist often times didn't work. We've come far for sure..but what of families who it seems too late for..those of us who are know well into adulthood with families of our own, etc..is the desire to heal even there..can there be any hope for reconciliation I wonder. Maybe a thread devoted to this subject would be better and easier to find should anyone want to. Just an idea. Recognize any of these people: The Roles: The Addict. The Hero. The Mascot. The Lost Child. The Scapegoat. The Caretaker (Enabler). For definitions check out the below link: |
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Hi Vikki, Thats so okay about the misunderstanding regarding my sis! Sometimes I just can't get things out clearly. Anyways, my parents were pretty good I suppose about me and my sister being on drugs. I mean they didn't disown us or anything close to that. I think my mom kind of ignored it, or put it out of her head so she wouldn't have to deal with it at all. My dad died when I was 28 and I kind of hid it from him. But he knew anyways. He would ask me why the hell I wanted to act 'stupid'. But one time I saw him crying. And my dad NEVER cried! He was a big irishman who very seldom showed anykind of emotion like that! But he was crying because I was doing heroin. Anyways....I wrote on another post about my other brothers and sisters, but I forgot which one! But none of them did heroin (only me and my sister who died). They all experiemented with other drugs, but not that. My other sister who is an RN almost lost her license a couple years ago because she was doing demoral. But she is fine now (thank God). I have 2 brothers. One older, one younger. The younger one drinks a lot of beer and the older doesn't do any drugs. They are both doing really good in terms of having a happy home, wife,careers kids and all that. So is my sister. So just me and Janice, my sister who died (she was 49) did heroin. and yeah, I miss her a lot. I really don't have any friends for a couple reasons. 1. Since I've been trying to stay away from heroin I had to stay away from people who do it, hence, no more "friends" 2. I really felt I didn't need any friends because I had my sister. She was all I needed in terms of friendship. Now that shes gone, no friend anymore. Vikki, keep writing here. you sound like a wonderful person. It just makes me so mad/sad to hear about brothers and sisters who blame their siblings for being addicted to a drug. As if we wanted to be!! And I am so sorry to hear about your mom not going to your boys birthday..........whats up with that? But tell your son HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ME!!!!!  He is 2 now!! What an age!!! I bet he is running circles around you!!! I know my kids did. But how exciting, learning more and more everyday becoming their own person and all! Wow. Have a good time! luv, sue |
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| | | From: Marco | Sent: 1/7/2005 5:10 PM |
Hey everyone- not sure exactly where you're with this situation right now, Vikki, but if you have the extra meth and start feeling ill, I see no reason not to take it. It is a medication you normally take, you can't really get by without it, and if I were in your place I'd take it- as little as possible, though, and try to make it stretch thru the weekend. Thanks for the compliment Sue, but Claude actually knows far more about methadone than I do, and hopefully he'll read this thread and weigh in with some advice. But as far as I know, if you're on that high of a dose and have to go with a lower dose for a couple of days it shouldn't be too bad in terms of getting sick. It's not like you are dropping from your regular dose to none. Not to minimize the problem, but I think if you use the extra that you have wisely, just enough to keep you from being too sick, you should be OK- although probably a bit uncomfortable. I really feel for you- I've been in that situation and always resorted to using to get thru the days I didn't have methadone. And like Sha said, in my case I think it was mainly mental- the fear of withdrawal rather than actual withdrawal itself. It's such a horrible, scary thing to just be waiting and anticipating feeling sick. I really commend you for your determination not to use, and to take the night off from work to remove yourself from any temptation that would have the potential for some really severe consequences. Oh, and to echo what Sha said- this isn't a recovery board. There are people here who are still using with no intention of quitting right now, people who've got clean in all kinds of different ways, and everything in between. I guess what we all have in common is the desire to help addicts regardless of the stage of addiction that they happen to be in. And of course I can't forget all the moms of addicts who are such an important part of the board. IMO anyone involved with opiates in any way at all, even those not involved themselves but who have loved ones who are addicts or clean now are welcome. It's just a wonderful support group of very loving and caring people- and you should feel free to post about anything at all. No one is going to try to convince you or convert you- you will find only love and support here. That's what makes HOH the best site on the internet! Last thing- Sha, the family roles that you posted- Michele, who hasn't posted in awhile knows a tremendous amount about that whole family dynamic thing and the various roles you mentioned. If she's checking in and reading posts, perhaps MICHELLE, my lost jsia, you could post some more info about it. (not to say you're not as knowledgeable about it, Sha). Good luck Vikki, and keep posting and let us know how you're doing. Marco |
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