Heritics of Heroin

Hello everyone it's Tina again. I must admittt today I am so disconected and not at peace at all .....I am really having alot of meetings that is all recovery but I live in Okanagan falls and I cant seem to meet ppl from there. I must admitt I have not done a hole lot of meetings in the town so I do know thats important. I only get aa in the falls and na ca ha is just not there. Reguardless my friends this is not a reason to screw myself up is it? People places and things hurt some what. I am not handling people who just suck the crap out of me as I allow it to happen and then Here I am right back in the isolation booth and each time it hurts so bloody much. Not a good place to sit. Gossip is among us all isnt it? I have taken some wacks and I have shared I have done all I can to keep clean and looked at my defects you name it I have and continuing to seek recovery or positivity inner child plus all the emotional bumps we just have no matter what. Pray yea I do, cry yes I have contentment? Not today... Thank My higher power there is no 2 days the same WOW that keeeps me coming and communicating all I feel good bad and the ugly. Well I never mentioned sponsoship hey? Thats a real real real effing sore spot in my heart gutts and has made me emotionally for real unwanted and unhappy with myself indeed. I had a sponsor HAD being the key. Well I have shared alittle about myself in the group and I do appreciate all who undersand me . My sponsor has 20 years off alcohol and drugs. We got along soso and what we desided to do is movvve in with oneanother to save some bucks as a few years ago a 1 bedroom was so high 12 hundred a month so Fort St John looked like we need to go some were cheaper. Bc housing we applied so it is under both our names so we got everything off heres together and we moved to Dawsoncreek area. What a real hurtful right down totally insanity went on. Here 16 year old was living with his mom the other is at the fathers THANK God anyways we had so many issues that I found it fit to leave as the 16 year old who I charish was smoking pot in the house and drinking with his buddies girls staying over then the big arrest cocaine mushrooms methadone meth pot well he got arrested and thown inside at juvie. I ended up having to leave because I made it clear that this isnt right bla bla bla from her than when I gavvvve her a real remember when She got all offended when I said jails institutions and death hes done 2 hands down But for me to say hes dying she went ballestic so I ended up leaving I had a rough time leaving everything again But I really could have sayed as it really isnt her say but I left as I was very much wanting to use. I did fall @ 23 months but I did it no one else has that power so she went through my things I had to leave behind no address nothing just back homeless i crashed and the lonie bin I went. So as I left everything she was going through my belongings and when I moved tp the okanagan she been in my account got 2hundred 90 something dollors I was freaked out. She did this every month and finally she stopped as I am sure the banks called her bank and if they want to go further they can. I wanted to but left it alone we now knew what I ment to her and I have been very cautious ever since but like an alkie druggy I need support so now I go to groups at that deal with the 12 steps etc. Anyways i gotta go a lady needs the computer and really is there anyone in the group close to me okanagan? I sure would appreciate a conversation with who ever on life ok back soon Love yas Tina

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