FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. 
2. A will is a dead giveaway. 
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse. 
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. 
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. 
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. 
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 
12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blown apart. 
13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 
14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 
16. A calendar's days are numbered. 
17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. 
18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 
21. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large. 
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall. 
24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine. 
25. When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye. 
26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 
28. Acupuncture: a jab well done. 
29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet. 

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.