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The "Baptist Bra"
A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York City. He told the Sales lady, "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B".
With a quizzical look, the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?"
He repeated, "A Baptist bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Baptist bra and that you would know what she wanted."
"Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady, "we don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type".
Confused and a little flustered, the man asked, "So what are the differences?"
The lady responded, "Well, it's really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."
He mused at that for a moment and then asked, "So, what is the Baptist type for?"
"They", she replied, "make mountains out of molehills".
And, if you need more information here's some more:
Have you ever wandered why bras are lettered A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, H and how the letters are actually used to define a style? Well, if you have ever wondered, but couldn't figure it out, here's the code:
A. Almost Boobs
B. Barely Boobs
C. Can't Complain
D. Dang!
DD. Double Dang!
E. Enormous
F. Fake
G. Get a reduction
H. Help Me, I've fallen and can't get up...
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The Birth Order of Children:
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing,and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!
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Manners During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
"That would be rude and impolite!!! What about you John, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table. And you Peter, how would you say it to show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper.
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