This rite of passage out of high school and into whatever else comes next truly represents a huge change. You'll likely be riding an emotional roller coaster, feeling relief and pride mixed with regret and sadness. There's even grief involved.

Never mind that your son or daughter watched TV until 3 a.m. You'll miss him/her. So what if he needed daily reminders to throw his dirty laundry in the hamper. You'll miss doing so. What if his room looked as if a hurricane had moved through it daily? You'll feel sad seeing it clean and tidy once he's moved out.

Plus you'll feel lonely in the afternoon when you no longer anticipate his return from school; you'll miss his presence at dinner; you'll miss going to his sporting, debate, and student council events. It's a loss, a change; there's no getting around it.

But will you really be devastated? If you are, hopefully you'll feel a sense of pride, too. He's done well. He's proved himself academically and he's confident enough to journey far away from home for college. There'll be no separation anxiety for this lad. Would you really be happier if he planned to live at home to go to college?

Recognize Your Own Good Work

Of course the accolades for his achievements go to him and not to you. But as you thumb through all the photo albums that are a testimony to his childhood, stop and pat yourself on the back for a parenting job well done.

Weren't there times when you grew tired of all your parenting responsibilities? Well now all those responsibilities -- or at least most of them -- are over. Didn't you ever feel trapped as a parent? Now you'll no longer be trapped. Ask yourself these questions:

• When was the last time I really had fun without my son being the source of it? If you can't answer this, you might be in trouble. If your identity and individuality centered solely on your son, you've got some personal work to do. You'll need to add some interests to your life to fill the void.
• Has my son always been at the top of my priority list? Have I always been last? If you answered yes, then it's your turn to be at the top! You may need to see a counselor who can help you find out who you are separate from being a mother. While there's no doubt that that role is profound, fulfilling, and consuming, you'll likely be surprised to find other vocations and avocations that will be almost as gratifying.

As your son graduates, take time to stand back and behold as your responsible young adult emerges. Then be prepared, because your job really isn't over: You'll continue to be the one he calls when triumph or tragedy hits. This will be the case until he attaches to a significant friend or mate. Plus, the after-high-school revolving door to your home no doubt will swing continuously. Your son will still need you, but in a far different way than ever before.

If you need more guidance regarding your role during the college years, read Letting Go: A Parent's Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger (HarperCollins, 2003).

Jan Faull, MEd, is a veteran parent educator and the author of two parenting books, Mommy, I Have to Go Potty and Unplugging Power Struggles. She writes a biweekly parenting advice column for HealthyKids.com, and a weekly parenting advice column in the Seattle Times newspaper. Jan Faull is the mother of three grown children and lives in the Seattle area.

Originally published on HealthyKids.com, April 2005.